Day 47 - Friday 17th February

It's Friday!!!! Hooray!!

Awoke at 7am after 3 and a bit hours kip feeling remarkably sprightly (though the massive relapse on endless diet cokes last night may have contributed)

Felt clearer, better, more positive. Looks like the 'Black Thursday' had gone. I got through the Kurt Cobain night without any dramas.

Got stuck into work and ticked off a few admin things i had been putting off for ages. To such an extent that things were piling up and i felt totally unmanageable. It;s weird how sometimes we look in all the profound and weird areas for happiness when really writing a list of simple things to do and doing them makes me feel so much better.

I guess I've fought a long and remarkably pointless and futile rebellion against 'being normal'. Result - total unmanageably, blind panic, rising fear and ultimate dissatisfaction. What a cracking formulae. I'm sure i must have Greek blood in me.

I think thetas why i can never be a manager. If i can barely manage whether to wear hair up or down in the morning, how the fuck could i manage people?

I have taken that rebellious attitude into training in the past. Doing it all my way and to hell with the advice. Result - achievements but that nagging inner truth that you could have done better or enjoyed it more by 'joining in'. Lessons to be learnt - again!

Hit the gym again after work, 3 mile treadmill run. Ultra boring, leg still minor pain bit pleased to be doing it again. I'm up early doors tomorrow training someone at 6am, so will attempt some early morning hill sprints as a reintroduction back to 'hard training'.

So the end of another week. Lessons learnt from last nights debacle?

1 - go to a meeting every day before comedy gig
2 - do more promotion and NEVER take for granted
3 - Be more focused and organised
4 - don't buy into bullshit negative thinking
5 - don't wear ultra tight jeans and short when you feel feared up.
6 - Lighten up
7 - have fun
8 - relax
9 - enjoy
10 - wear better underwear so the tight jeans don't show like you've got a perma semi

I could have added never have an Olympic size wank before the show, nor indeed try and do liver failure dying gags at the start of the evening.

So apart form crushing failure, suicidal thinking, low self esteem and acute embarrassment, i think last night went quite well.

Off to bed now Joggers.If you're reading this get out tomorrow morning and walk or run. Just do it for 45 minutes and i guarantee you will feel better about yourself. Surely that's got to be worth a box of quality street

Have a tidy weekend and here's to brutal hill sprints

xx