I want to talk about what REALLY helps me. Not me, not my stupid sodding bleeding laptop. Not me giving up diet coke. Not my neck, my back, my head, my alcoholism.
Today I want to talk about you. Yes you! Of course I'm sure I'll find some way of weaving it back to myself. That's standard. But today I really want to concentrate on my fellow man (and woman)
It struck me at my regular (not so regular recently because I haven't showed up for the past x2 Friday's) AA meeting how much I am indebted, inspired and deeply touched by my fellow recovering alkies. (that sounds a bit wrong the last bit)
Most of them don't even know how much they help me. I don't speak to them in the week, keep up to date with their lives, or even know some of their surnames. But I feel a deep affinity with the guys who show up every Friday who's lives I have seen transform over the past 3.6.9.12, 24 months.
It inspires me. People who turn up shivering wrecks, become humans again. People with incredible anger issues take up meditation and try to change. People with enormous fear tackle it head on and give it their best shot. Social misfits with a deep sadness in them find a dignity and pride in staying sober. They don't have to have changed or be 'well' for me to be inspired. They merely have to try. That does it for me every time. When I see someone doing that I'm totally in their corner and rooting for them.
It makes me cry sometimes, especially to see the vulnerable and insecure attempting to find themselves. There is a real Noble human dignity in them and tonight it really choked me up. I really felt it.
I've always been drawn to the vulnerable or how you may describe, the 'socially inept'. Outcasts. You know the ones, the sort that some people find it easy to put down and poke fun at.
An old timer at Tooting called it right when she said to me, ' I've been watching you Nick, I know you've always had a soft spot for the vulnerable'. Keep doing it. A smile here, a 'how are you' there. Always seek them out and make them feel included. You don't know how much that can mean to people'. How cool the old girl saying that to me. It made me feel 100 feet tall.
So on her advice, I have always tried to do this. Obviously not for the scary sex cases or dangerously Ill. More for the quiet helpless ones you just know have had a hard life.
Sometimes in meetings (especially around Chelsea) it's easy to gravitate towards 'the groovy gang' or people you think will give you a heads up, or your pals after the meeting. What about the lonely isolated ones in terror and bewilderment? Who's giving them a hug or a handshake? I know if I was in that position, and I have been in my early days, I was crying out for someone to come and say 'how are you doing', and really mean it. There is a phrase we use in AA, "I am responsible, when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help I want the hand of AA to always be there and for that I am responsible." I suppose the real point of that is in doing it not saying it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not painting myself to be some kind of hero here. I've done my fair share of stepping over the ones who need help to say hello to a pretty girl. We all do it ant some stage. I've got to own that one.
The guy at my meeting who will remain nameless is someone I am drawn too. A large cumbersome awkward man. Slightly bumbling and socially inept. But I've always liked him and always feel better when he's in a meeting. I think. 'If he can stay sober and do this so can I'. He has no idea that in the last 2 years I have seen him stay sober, slowly do the programme and become more himself. Yes he's still painfully odd at times but totally harmless and gaining the confidence to be himself. It helps me and he has no idea.
He loves his cricket so he's alright in my book and I like him a lot. I just feel happy to see him gaining confidence in himself. Isn't that what we're all after in one way or other? Self acceptance however that looks. I find it inspiring and tonight it made me cry a little to myself. I find that human journey deeply moving. Probably because it's the thing I crave in myself.
There was someone 10 months sober who after years of fighting herself is slowly changing. That helps me. There is a guy 8 months sober slowly changing after years of carnage. That helps me. There are guys years sober still battling their head and being open about it. That helps me.
There is my oldest mate in sobriety, anger issues, hard upbringing. A total mans man going on a silent Buddhist retreat to help love himself. That helps me.
I am inspired by others. In truth not the high flyer's. Not the numerous motivational speakers and self development coaches saying, 'If you do this you too can have a $5million mansion like me". That doesn't sit right. It doesn't move me.
I find it in the ordinary every day changes that people do. Stopping smoking, speaking up for themselves, telling their truth, buying a home. Whatever it may be. facing up to fears and doing it. Man I find that inspirational.
And for you non alcoholics reading this feeling a little shut out, resentful or who maybe thinking, 'this is the stuff normal people do every day'. Well I find you just a little bit inspirational too. Raising kids, providing, doing your best. That takes courage and dedication and don't think that is lost on me.
You're all heroes to me, so go out there and feel 100 feet tall today and say to yourself, 'I'm doing a decent job'. Because you are. You all help me.
Together We Are Stronger
NE
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