Shock Horror. No long run. Not even a taper run. No gym, no jog. Nada. Nothing. In fact no running this weekend. Is that wise 2 weeks out from the marathon? Well maybe, maybe not, i was due to run 13 miles today, but got so busy doing the classic Welsh Easter day i couldn't fit it in. Even bigger shock horror i didn't eat my own and families body weight in chocolate. Unbelievable
So, instead today of talking about training and running, i shall talk about my classic Welsh Easter day. I got down to Wales last night to be greeted by My Nan and Mum. Nan looking amazing. Big hair and clear face. Like Miss Ellie from Dallas. There is a grace and peace about her, even though she is ill. Jesus she looked better than me!
My mother has been looking after her 24 hours a day, my Nan is pretty ill, the Marie Curie nurses are amazing. All fair enough, but i still had to wait over 2 minutes for my cup of tea and over 50 minutes for dinner. Clearly standards are slipping at Brymoor Road. In the past you couldn't get over the doormat before having a cup of tea and bowl of Cwyl shoved in your face. Hospitality at it's finest and fiercest.
Coming down here is like a trip back in time. Tonight i am sleeping in the front room, in the single bed, the room i used to sleep in as a kid. I'll have to see if i can dig out the old Roy of the Rovers and Shoot annuals.
Being the youngest of 3 boys means that i was of course spoilt and have indulged this when coming down and letting my nan and Mum cluck and fuss around me, not having to lift a finger. It's great. Today i will make allowances though for illness. I'll get my own milk from the fridge.
So, today is classic. Easter Day. Llanelli. The town is full of churches, synagogues. Pentecostals, evangelical, catholic, christian, Greek orthodox churches. The population is either Old Welsh Sunday best or young Welsh unemployed binge drinkers, with Polish and Romanian immigrants thrown into the mix. It is an important day on the religious calendar, though 30% of the towns population will be in Church. Some will be in bed, others in Police cells. Town was heaving last night full of binge drinking bedlam.
After writing my blog, i decided to head to Dafen church for Easter service. Classic Llanelli 1- My Nan cannot make it, it is her Parish and my Aunt Gwynie will be there. It is the church my Nan was married in, my Grandfather was buried in. It is as close to family church you can get. It is a church that is definitely 'old', twin set and pearls, blue rinse hair, sunday best. The men in blazers, v neck jumpers and ties. The women in fuscia pink and twin sets. I brought the age down considerably, even at 40!!
As I've said before, they love a bit of misery in Llanelli. A good funeral or two. The service was interesting and a celebration of life. Whilst i don't follow an organised religion or Jesus Christ, i certainly liked the family, love, re-birth, connection and faith part of what was being spoken. I also turned up the chance of communion. Fucked if I'm going to relapse on the blood of Christ!
I gave me Auntie a kiss. Said a prayer on my Grandfather's grave and headed off for phase 2 of the Easter Sunday, a sunbed in town.
Now you cannot visit LLanelli without a sunbed. Because everyone lives on a diet of Corned Beef pasties and rothmans, to mask this and look healthy everyone under the age of 45 is deeply sun tanned. Bronze. Orange. Mahogany. The sunbed place, is unregulated and you can go on for up to 3 months and come out looking like Sol Campbell. It's mental
Great sight when i walked in. Old girl out the front, obviously 'supervising'. She was round like a weeble, bandage on the ankle, obviously from Diabetes, she had shaved hair, looked as rough as anything, deeply tanned, smoking a fag, under the poster of 'Look Healthy'. Superb. She could have been a poster girl for Cancer Research. Triple whammy, sunbed, smoking and obesity. Classic Llanelli 2
Then after the 2p a minute sunbed, i headed to phase 3 of classic Welsh Sunday. Get the car washed. Now this is another crucial part of a Mans Weekend duties in Llanelli. After visiting family, attending church, overeating and watching sport, it is important to have your car sparkling. Mine is a total shit hole and is piled up with diet coke bottles and Yogurt pots and old copies of '50 Plus'. It needed doing. It is like a right of passage for Llanelli men. Sparkling 4 door cars with sparkling anoraks with sparkling beards and sparkling gardens. Therewarthen.
Subsequently there are a disproportionate amount of Hand car washes in Llanelli. Obviously Polish and Romanian. Local people call them 'scum', but are perfectly happy to get car valeted for a tenner. i did. it rocks. And brilliantly i got talking to a couple in the cafe by the hand car wash, mobility scooter parked up, waiting there turn to get in the cafe for their £4 Sunday Roast. They bemoaned the state of Llanelli, the immigrants, the work shy youth. Everything. When i asked them what they did - "oh been on the sick for ages, it's my back you see'. Classic Llanelli 3.
Then it was time for lunch. Pick up Aunt Gwynie and then go to Golf Club. Not quite classic Llanelli, as the golf club is lovely, with lovely food, space and view. Usually it's to a carvery in a pub with paper napkins, huge portions and £3.99. I did pass classic Llanelli Number 4 though.
Sarah's snack bar, in a car park, near Dyfed Steel. A cafe that sold 'chips n things', that was a static caravan. yes really., The sort of restaurant where the only thing Michelin about it is in the tyres that hold it up. It really took my breath away. Nearly as good as the old ice cream van i saw last time i was down converted into a mobile Barbers. Only in Llanelli. Classic. "99 and a wedge cut please"
So after the huge lunch, it was time to settle down on the Sofa and read the paper. Classic Llanelli Number 5. The Lanelli Star. Local Newspaper. Absolutely riveting read. Full of Nonversation. It reflects people's gossip which is effectively reporting news that isn't important. My favourite story? A woman arrested Last week for stealing 2 bottles of £1 Umbro aftershave from Poundland after drinking Cider, was prosecuted and fined £150, ordered to pay Poundland costs of £2. Fucking classic!!! The whole story is classic Llanelli. Insane. Poundland, Umbro aftershave. Cider, Court. I mean you wouldn't get that in Chelsea would you?
How much would that have cost in Police, Court, solicitors to prosecute? £30-40k? and for what 2 bottles of Umbro aftershave nicked because she was pissed and sold them on for £2 profit. Only in Llanelli. Classic. The only way is Llanelli.
And then classic Llanelli 6. Nonversation. My Aunt Gwynie is absolutely world class at it. Put her in a room with my nan and whoosh, she is off. Covering a wide range of subjects like. Catherine Cookson, Welsh Opera on Channel 4, Mr Jenkins from the Church, Hanging Basket that was put up by Michael next Door on Thursday. it is relentless and if it was an Olympic event, i would bet my entire life on her winning gold. This town is full of them. Classic.
Classic Llanelli 7 - Uncle Ken nipped over, 'and those on it there'. I counted he said that phrase 34 times in a 12 minute conversation. Quite a spectacular achievement. In that 12 minutes he gave me the coach potato run down on the Welsh Grand Slam, Scarlets patchy form and the future of Welsh Rugby. Never played the game, or coached or attended a live match but he seemed to know everything about the game, and those on it then. I am enlightened, and sleepy.
Finally Classic Llanelli 8 - Sunday night. Town. I went to a meeting, strangely in the Church where my mother and Father first met. Meetings in Llanelli are grinding and tough. If you can get sober here you can get sober anywhere. Tough. But i like it that way. When venturing into town, Sunday night, nothing else to do, town was stuffed full of People on the piss. Bing drinking everywhere. Girls dressed in tiny skirts and the highest heels. The slut look was king or is that Queen?. Young or Old it made no difference. orange, deeply tanned, caked in make up, pinched perm, high heels. orange legs, tiny skirt and the latest top from New Look, washed down with cheap Primark silver jewelry that causes a rash, drinking Wicked, stumbling around gobbing off everywhere. Fuck me, i love it, where do i sign up.
So, that my friends was my classic Welsh Easter. 11 years ago today i woke up, on the sofa of my girlfriends house, out of blackout, in a piss stained suit, with an empty bottle of Lanson next to me, thinking 'uh oh, i have a problem with alcohol'. It was the very first time i rang AA and went to a meeting.
So, Easter Sunday is life for me. The whole weekend is significant. From Death to life. I seem to take the piss out of Llanelli but only because i love it and it has character. 'The only way is Hounslow' just doesn't have the same ring to it. I love Lanelli.
Hopefully run tomorrow, but if I'm being honest I'm pretty relaxed about the next 2 weeks, as i've done my mileage i just need to tick over now. not beat myself up.
Hope everyone had a great Easter. Remarkably i didn't eat any Chocolate but i certainly hope you did and enjoyed this weekend's blog. Thank you so much for reading it. Big love to all
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment