The Great Marathon Come Down
OK, it's now officially ended. The buzz has gone. I've used up all my adoration and interest cards. People have moved on. Marathon was 2 days ago. It's history. No-one is interested anymore.
In fact any attempt to bring it up in conversation is met with that kind of vague bored look displayed when married couples show single people pictures of their kids. The words are all the right ones, "really", "lovely" "so sweet", when really the mind is saying, "I hate kids, when will this end, boring".
The only people you are now allowed to acceptably discuss the magic of the day with is fellow runners. They feel the same need to keep hold of that feeling. Normal people simply don't want to hear, "oh you must do it next year, it's amazing" They would rather hear, "I've ordered a new set of business cards"
Marathon runners now take on the status of reformed smokers. You know the ones, uligising the magic of smell, how they are free of the addiction, how much money they are saving, how they can taste food, how great they feel. All the while as a smoker, you're stood there thinking, "Shut the fuck up. You may feel great but you've put on 3 stone you lardy sod".
I must not become a marathon bore. I think if you've done you're first one the glow lasts much longer. You are allowed 5 days before people want to set light to you. On the other hand, 'veterans' like me are allowed a full 24 hours before settling back into life and cracking on. I have reached that stage now.
A pal of mine rang me to ask how i got on. He had done his 1st in 3 hours 31 mins and said he only jogged round. Oh i see, he is one of those fake humble people who say, 'Oh i'm no good at Scrabble and then throw down a quadrauple triple point scorer first." Bastard. With love of course.
Truth is reviewing my training and journey i'm totally happy with what i got. I did exactly as i should do.
If i'm being ultra harsh on myself, i had ambitions to run a 3 hour 30 marathon. I had ambitions to change the way i trained, learn new habits, go out of my comfort zone. Change.
Well, in the end I didn't. I didn't join a running club, do interval training, hill training, make myself much quicker. I did what i had done before really, except i trained more, ate more and at least learnt the lesson from the previous year. In brutal honesty i could have shaved another 10 minutes off by going harder for longer. I stopped for 2 Massive Horse Pisses, changed my sock for a blister on mile 19 and stopped to see my loved ones on mile 25. Total time wasted? 5 minutes? That would have made me do 3 hours 44mins. Train harder and run the day quicker and i could have got down to 3 hours 34 mins. But to break 3 hours 30, for me? That is ultra hard going and i suppose i wasn't prepared to do that this time.
So i'm not going to give myself a hard time. I got what i put in. Respectable time and enjoyable experience. The writing, the day, the last 6 miles. I got the buzz more than the time. I was able to talk about alcoholism, about my father, about my head, my struggles. I was able to help someone in the process of their 1st marathon and i was able to raise some cash for a wicked charity.
On a day when Russell Brand's appearance in front of a Parliament select committee about addiction and drug policy got more publicity than i can ever hope for through my mediums. When my head instantly went into meltdown over terrific envy and jealousy over his position and then self pity and 'less than' over my position. It showed my alcoholic head was still good and well and very much alive.
Marathon training can give you focus, direction and health. The day itself can provide you sparkling memories and a sense of achievement. But what then? I'm still left with my head, my insecurities, my worries, my ego, my self made obstacles. My demons. Marathon doesnt cure those. It may delay them but it won't cure them.
That is where an abstinent 12 step recovery programme comes in. For me it's my medicine. My oxygen and it fuels me to do things like the marathon. A physical factual action i can state i would never do if i was drinking. It is that black and white. Drinking, i'm in the pub talking about doing shit. Sober, i'm out there actually doing it.
After a piss poor day at work and a head that was in full negative, angry, confrontational, fearful mode it made me realise what i really learnt out of the marathon. The drive and energy and detrmination it took me to do it, to mark it out as a symbol of sobriety for me. Well, i clearly need to learn to take that into other areas of my life. Job, career, money, comedy, performance.
If i can do that, well who knows maybe there will be other groovy stuff i can say i've done instead of talking about it. That is my truth bloggers. My internal deep down gut feeling.
So if nothing else, i've learnt something. Oh, and never wear an all in one triathlon suit in the marathon when you are going for a personal best time and need a massive horse piss. It;s like trying to unstrap a girdle houdini style whilst cuffed underwater. Loses you valuable outside affirmation time
xx
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