Mileage 0 - Weekly Mileage 12
After what i can only describe as a creative rush of writing over the past week. Today i seem to have hit a wall, however It maybe more to do with the enormous chocolate binge i had late last night which rendered me totally useless today. Hoovered up the Easter overspill. Dog
Did a decent days work but my intention to train this evening was somewhat overtaken by a massive urge to do fuck all. I'd like to say it was tapering, or the new buzz phrase of 'active rest'. Whatever the hell that is. But in truth it was good old fashioned naff all.
Well, when i say naff all i did a meeting, saw a load of pals who are successful actors jetting off to do a film in LA, not that it made me jealous, want their life or made me feeling less than of course. I'm clearly much stronger than that. Bastards!
Broke in my new cowboy boots tonight which I've decided i hate and are ultra gay. My old ones are fucked, have holes in them, no heel but i truly love them. i have worn them non stop for 4 years. Everyone comments on them, many people even say 'i bet those can tell a few tales'. Though it Says something when people think your footwear can tell a better tale than you.
The new ones are gleaming, bigger and have a chunky heel. I personally think it makes me look camper than Graham Norton in drag. I am yet to be convinced.
On the plus side, i got some top comments from people over yesterday's blog. Particularly liking the bits about the Bikram Yoga teacher with deep resentments. Now, I'm an alcoholic, it's in my job description to harbour deep resentments and be a touchy bastard. Just ask my ex girlfriend. i am a nightmare to live with. Don't get me wrong, I'm charming, I'm funny, I'm pretty much house trained and i fuck like the shit house door when the plagues in town (sorry Nan)
But i am touchy, moody, incredibly insecure, messy, have a habit of walking round with my nuts hanging through my pants and i love buttered meat. I think it's habits that come from my Dad, as i remember him to be a dirty bastard when i was a kid. Corn beef hash, cheap meat, killer skid marked pants and bad wind. Usually together.
Anyway, my point is, i'm a raging lunatic underneath this rather camp exterior. But Bikram yoga teachers? Well are they not extolling the virtues of yoga teachings? Not letting the external world ruin your inner peace? Clearly that wasn't happening yesterday. My inner peace was disturbed by that balloon head.
But hang on before i take the moral high ground, let me say I'm certainly not anti Bikram. I've been doing it for 5 years. I like it. I believe in it. I find it relaxing, a good discipline and most of the teachers are splendid. i was in love with one for goodness sakes. But I'm not a disciple to his philosophy. I mean i hate bullshitters, ego maniacs and fake spiritual gurus. I'm sorry but as soon as you introduce money, franchises, wealth and ego into the mix it no longer becomes spiritual.
It's just a business, and all those teachers all hanging off his every word and pedaling his philosophy need to get a fucking grip. And please do not wax lyrical about him in a class when I'm sweating my tits off, packed into a pair of gay speedos with nowhere to run. Gruesome
Now teachers are human and have bad days. They all suffer from resentments like us. They are people for goodness sake. I like the teachers who are just themselves. Some are dynamic. Some are chilled. Some are spiritual meditators and some are strict order givers. They just represent themselves. But the worst ones? Well the ones who believe because they have spent 8k on a 12 week training course by a bigger ego maniac than George Bush (all of them) they are now gurus on everything and are happy to treat a class like their own personal domain, kind of miss the point as to why we are all there. Not to be dictated too, talked down too, treated like a fucking child. We are there to follow. You are the teacher, i trust you. Inspire me. Lead me. Make me want to do the class. For me, for you. For whatever. And if you happen to do it in a pair of hot pants even better. But please Just don't stand there, believe your own hype, be a fake spiritualist, rapped in ego.
As you may have guessed i fucking hate it.
Now in my 12 step recovery programme we are taught not to be judgmental, take moral high ground or feed resentment. We are all equal, we all have flaws and i have certainly done plenty of harm in the past. So who am i to judge? Right? Right Nick. I have done plenty of work to relent from the anger and craziness i had in the past. i have matured. i have moved on. What is the point in getting het up and angry about someone or something so trivial?
Well, that's great in theory but who the fuck does that jumped up little bitch think she is. Fucking arrogant little fuck face. Jumped up teacher full of self importance, seething resentment and ego. (ringing any bells Nick. eek) Ginger haired, long nosed Grand National looking twat. She needs lithium or some kind of mood altering drugs and whilst she's at it why not a personality transplant, like a lobotomy.
Ego and Resentment. The two things i have in bundles, but do i go around extolling the virtues of peace and inner calm? Do i fuck. Do i pretend to be anything other than i am? I am what i am. I am on a journey. i am up for change. I try and fail. I am human. I show my weakness.
I'm banned from the Richmond Bikram Yoga studio. How can i be barred from Yoga for Christ sakes? Man i need to address these anger issues. Is anyone else in the world barred from Yoga. If you hear of anyone please let me know. Please let me not be the only one in the world. A select group of one. Not proud.
Jesus, i lost it there, Let off a bit of steam. I feel awful now. Guilty. What if her Mum read it? What if she read it? That's not cool Nick. I should apologise, Be bigger than I've been. It's unfair, I've gone over the top, Make amends.
Yes, that's what to do make amends, take the spiritual path, i'll make amends to that little jumped up arrogant bitch....whoa there, steady. There i go again. Dam, it's like a resentment tourtettes. My best intentions are scuppered by that inner 'WANKER' tourettes in my head. I think I'll have to sleep and pray on it. Pray for her happiness, see if the resentment lifts. And if that fails, well there's always plan B. Yes that's right I'll set him on her.
Nite
x
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