It's 10.30pm and I'm just back after another long day travelling. Work has been insane this week, but I'm not complaining. The busier I am the less time I get to think. Sometimes that's a good thing.
If I'm honest I'm a little short of meetings this week and I can feel that inner turmoil, panic, worry, fear, intolerance, ego welling up inside. It hasn't yet spilled over, thank God. Despite the tests of PC World, WH Smith and Virgin Trains to Glasgow I've managed to keep the carnage firmly locked inside my head.
Sometimes it's tough to keep it in at work. It usually spills out somewhere and when you get involved and wrapped up in a job you care about you can get drawn into things that you shouldn't. That's when it is exceptionally wise to keep a lid on it, step back. Ask yourself, "Does this really matter?" and let it go.
That's the bit I've always struggled with. The step back bit. The let it go. One of my strengths is my ability to get wrapped up in something and to make things happen by force of energy, enthusiasm and I would hope a little skill. It's also my weakness. When meetings are low and the ego takes off I become intolerant, impatient and angry when things don't go the way I think they should. I have a great ability to win people over and then piss them off in a nano-second. I really have to watch myself.
I think my 40's should be my 'learning to step back years'. Perhaps I can be more effective that way? Would certainly beat my 20's which were my learning to black out years. I'm in a better place now.
I was called Beckham 4 times in Glasgow and once at Richmond Station when I got back last night. That never happened in my 20's. I was more used to being called 'fat wanker'.
Thank You
I'm sat in my kitchen and I have just emailed the team from work who really looked after me and my guests today. It's not something I do often but I remembered someone saying it's important to recognise good work and show appreciation where it is due. It's rare for me to email thanks. We're all so busy aren't we? I did though tonight and you know what? it feels good. I like that feeling. Not always but I have the mental space tonight to say thank you.
It hasn't been like that all week when I've been super busy and locked in me. Getting impatient and uptight wanting things on my terms. Thanks goes right out of the window then. It's more a case of 'when'.and 'for fucks sake'
A simple shift from a demand with a frown to a thanks with a smile seems a million miles sometimes but in reality it's not. The results are hugely different.
Glastonbury
I'm sat here in my kitchen, the window is open, it's a calm, light summer's evening and the neighbour has Glastonbury on really loud next door. I like it. Saves me using my tellie but it's Glastonbury time again isn't it?
Every year I forget then when it creeps up I always say to myself, "next year you must go". I've never been. I was never much of a festival goer. Of course I like to think of myself as a travelled man of the world. A bit of a hippy at heart but I'm not really. More of a credit card Holiday Express Hippy in truth. It's nothing shirt of a disgrace I've never been.
All my mates have and love it, I'm not really sure why I never have. I suppose getting sober 12 years ago had an impact, I always associate Glastonbury and festivals with getting fucked out of your head for 48 hours and drifting around like a hallucinogenic breeze.
Still, why should sobriety stop you going? It's a bridge to normal living and it should be experienced. The music, the people, the size, the spirituality, the mud, the khazi's and the skinny festival chicks in hot pants and wellies. It's got to be worth a go.
I'll make a commitment to you readers. If I'm writing a blog this time next year saying, 'I must go to Glastonbury next year", I will walk down Oxford Street in hot pants and wellies with a sign saying 'Glastonbury made me do this."
This time next year Rodney, I WILL be at Glastonbury. Who's coming?
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas E Evans
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