So the country appears to be flooding.
Now we have an excuse to talk endlessly about the weather. It is a national obsession. Every front page is dedicated to it. Sky is doing rolling 24 hour coverage of it. Social media is crammed full of it. Stop press the UK is Flooding!!!
You know it must be serious when Cameron starts making moral boosting visits to flood areas. Notice how he waits until the media is at it's peak before making an appearance. Making sure to look all serious, concerned to boost the 'man of the people' image. PR Cunt.
What a joke. He's about as morale boosting as a dose of Chlamydia. Imagine having your home flooded, turds everywhere, no hot water or electricity for days. No help, no information, Nothing. Then all of a sudden the Prime Minister turns up with a hoard of media, looking 'faux' concerned as if he gives a shit. If he really wants to help he could shift a few fucking sandbags the pompous twat. I'm pretty sure he'd be as welcome as Amanda Knox at a swinging party. Fuck off Cameron and leave it to the WI.
The Environment Agency are useless too. Issuing flood warnings on a regular basis after the rivers have flooded. Genius. That's what millions of tax payer money is spent on. Basically they're all sitting in their office eating donuts watching Sky News to see what's flooded before issuing a 'Flood warning', then calling the army to say, "Can you get us out of the shit boys we've fucked up."
It's been raining for fucking months. Surely they could forecast the rivers, water levels, drains getting too full to cope and flooding weeks ago. They seem to be about as accurate as a darts player with no arms. Rubbish.
The media are fucking loving it though aren't they? They love it when there is a huge problem. Sending their reporters in with Barbour jacket and wellies to film people canoeing around their village or abandoning their stranded cars. The bastards get a sick pleasure to see struggle. Makes for great tellie see. After all they have ratings to win. So the more they can poke their noses into people's misery the better.
Water is a vastly underrated power. When you get up close to the swollen Thames you can see the power of the current. It is relentless and there's very little that can be done. It is awesome and incredible to witness. Though if your house is under 8 foot of water I would doubt you would be marvelling at natural elements in such a way.
Is it only me though, that sometimes thinks, "You live by a river. What do you expect?" It's a little like moving next to a pub and then complaining of pissed people at 11pm. Perhaps that's a bit harsh.
Lets face it if you do buy a gaff by the Thames then you've probably got enough dosh to sort it once the flooding has gone down. If, of course, you have a home left.
I know, that's a sweeping generalisation and a tad too cynical but come on, how many vehicles have you seen abandoned in the floods that aren't a Mercedes, BMW or Audi coupe? It's a middle class disaster. Still, at least the wellies will actually come in handy.
That's probably why Cameron rocked up. He heard his second and third home were under threat. Side parton cunt.
Whilst it is awful and you feel for the poor sods who have had to abandon their homes it's not exactly life threatening is it? What about the floods in Bangladesh that killed thousands? I think that got 4 minutes coverage on the news a couple of years ago.
And what about the Japanese who lived through the Tsunami 4 years ago killing 40,000. They must be looking at the wall to wall coverage of the floods and think, "Pussies. Man up".
Having said all that if I was the one affected I wouldn't be taking such a cynical view. After all we are all in this together, so thoughts go out to all those Audi Coupe owners out there who have sadly lost their cars. My thoughts are with you.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
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