It's actually 1.40am on Thursday morning as i write this. Yet again i've arsed about, stayed up way later than i should and i'm up early doors tomorrow to drive to Wales. Will i ever learn?
That means whilst i sit here it's Thursday, yet i'm writing about Weds (yesterday) as though it's today (Weds). So if i was in Yesterday (Weds) it would mean that i'm writing about the present when it has alreadcy happened today (Thursday). Confused? Join the f****g club. Clearly i need bed.
Still feeling OK today, though a lack of sleep meant i felt slightly jaded this afternoon. Nothing that a few bottles of diet coke 6 litres of tea & a sturdy wank wouldn't sort. On the whole i felt pretty perky though and even managed to get some work done. I am doing a day a week for a firm over in Essex and i have to say, i don't go anywhere near stationary and i'm actually supported in decisions. What a refreshing change. Though they havent found out i'm uselss yet, still at least i look great in a suit and like i know what i'm doing.
On the plus side i was invited to the British Grand Prix next weekend as a guest. (F1) So i will look forward to seeing fast cars going round and round and round and round. Should i be more excited?
I thought about yesterdays blog, particulary about Kit Kats and after an in depth and long discussion with a pal, it was decided the best and only way to eat them which i think is very important to share.
Apparently there are some weirdos out there who eat one finger slowly in 3-4 bites and leave the rest for later. Whilst others chew the fingers and then go along their merry way. What the fuck? There is clearly only one way to eat a Kit Kat.
Break off one finger and slowly nibble around the edges, scraping the cholocate off with your mouth like your chewing on a clit (or small cock ladies), (sorry Nan) you are then left with the main baulk of the finger less chocolate on sides and length (Note there is always one side that has thicker chocolate than the other side. Be careful or you could end up snapping the wafer and this of course is disasterous.
Then you set about scraping the chocolate off the top using teeth as graters. This is followed by nibbling the very top wafer off, leaving a thin film of chocolately buttercream type shit. Clearly this has about as much nutritional value as a pair of loafers, but fuck it, it tastes good. You then repeat the process 2 times until you are left with the bottom wafer, which is now soggier than an Incontinents pants. This is definately the worst moment and the least satisfying bit. It's just wafer now and who the fuck likes wafer?? It's OK when you are crunching it to get to the good stuff, but when it's just wafer, it's just like the last one to be picked in games. A neccessary evil.
You then proceed to end (finishing it) and nipping to the 24 hour garage to play the charade of making the dude walk around endlessley searching for meaningless things. Affordable fucking petrol wouldn't go amiss. You secure the 56 chocolate bars and settle in for an evening of honing your technique..
That is all i've got today. It's late and i'm tring plus my left nut has fallen out of my dressing gown. Anyone reading this at breakfast i apologize, my ball retention was about as good as England's midefield in Euro 2012.
A gag, not a great one, but technically a gag to end it on today
Nite
x
Ha that just reminded me of a wet and windy morning in Leicester when I innocently left my bedroom and walked to the kitchen via the lounge to make that first essential cup of the day..............I opened the lounge door and was faced by two not one of the aforementioned balls which lay tantilisingly either side of the sexy pants you'd passed out in - happy days xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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