For anyone who doesn't know what Farahs are. They are a 60's fashion brand that pitched itself as 'hip', but in truth is cheaper than Lambert & Butler. A favourite of taxi drivers and British Legion DJ's. Oh And Uncle Ken. They are the sort of brand that makes Primark look like Prada. More Herpes the Hermes. For people who think they're hip but are tragically so not.
Today incredibly he was wearing jeans with huge turn ups, the sort that you basically wear if you shit yourself in public and are forced to go into a Charity shop and buy some emergency cheap replacement ones that are 10 times too big. Very Llanelli as he cheerfully informed us they were £4 from Asda!! Tidy. There's lovely then (and those then on it there). He looked like an extra from Benny Hill show. I swear the turn ups were bigger than the Royal Barge.
I saw him at The Hospice this afternoon and he covered all the bases that Llanelli Uncle's should cover including the Tenby guest house situation, the local restaurant that did the 'best Risotto in the world' - it was huge (In Llanelli it's not so much about the taste as the size), The Welsh Rugby situation and of course the Pageant. He sat in the chair below the TV facing away from it (so not watching) reading the Daily Mail talking about how it took 3 years to plan and cost £10 million. He spoke as authoritatively on every topic like he had planned the pageant, runs Welsh Rugby, is a world class chef and Major of Tenby. Extraordinary display of knowledge from the King Of Farah, (and those on it there)
The day was a total Llanelli classic. Obviously everyone was excited about the Royal Pageant. You are not allowed to be anti Royal when around Nan. You may as well say you are Gay or Black. It just doesn't go down well with her. She is proper old school. Racist, Homophobic and Royalist. They just were back then.
I woke after a long sleep, as i always do at my Nan's. I was in the single bed i used to sleep in when i was a Kid, which in itself brings back old memories. I dreamt of getting off with Natalie Delaney behind the sports hall and opening the batting for England. I wonder if it will ever happen now I'm 39.
I was up early and the day was misty, drizzly and cold. Should it be any other way on a National Bank Holiday where we are supposed to celebrate our Britishness and the Queens 60 year rule? I started with a Great British breakfast. Nice cup of tea and a silk cut.
Then i went for a run along the beach and millennium Coastal path. Stunning scenery overlooking the Gower and my favourite place in the world. The smell, the seagulls, the scenery, the space and the massive obese couple taking their mobility scooters for an early morning spin and parking outside of Wetherspoons. So romantic. Must be valet parking
After It was time to head to Ty Bryngwyn hospice to watch the Pageant with Nan. I bought some red white and blue flowers to give to her, which made the nurses cluck when i went in. A grandson with a bunch of flowers is always a winner. Note to self for future pick up tips. Small dog on a lap in Starbucks. a baby in a pushchair in the park and now you can add bunch of flowers for your sick Grandmother. It is clearly a winner. (shameful)
I was able to spend some alone time with her, as she ate her lunch (Soup only) and it really was a little distressing to see this great woman, struggling to put soup to her mouth. Her will is iron. Her spirit razor sharp but her body and illness and age is not matching. It made me sad but i was also really pleased just to be with her. Special times.
Then My Uncle Ken and his wife joined me, Mum and Nan to watch the Pageant. The nurses came in and we watched the parade of boats move slowly along the Thames, lined with thousands of people getting piss wet. Because my Nan couldn't see very well Mum had to give her a running commentary of what was happening and most importantly the Royals' 'frocks' or 'rig outs'. The general consensus was that Kate looked amazing in Red, The Queen looked fabulous and Camilla turned out surprisingly well.
I actually preferred her commentary to the BBC's. Frightengly they used the same commentary team on the BBC as they did for the London marathon. They could have been describing the same event.
I heard alot of the anti royal brigade saying it was the most unpleasant show of pomp, aristocracy and wealth. The pomp and ceremony is what makes Britain so great and unique around the world, but it's also what makes us so awful, Class system, aristocracy, the haves and have nots.
But what really struck me today, watching 1000 ships moving along the Thames and the TV hyping up 'this extraordinary and spectacular event' was essentially how so fucking dull it was. Cheering boats? How many of us watch boats in our spare time?
She;s reigned 60 years to be rewarded with a fucking boat trip along the Thames. You can do that for £5 every day from Kew pier. And she has to stand there for 5 hours in the rain waving at people. Is that the best we can do? How dull. Who the fuck watches boats apart from saddos? I mean I'm pleased there were vessels from new Zealand and the commonwealth representing hundreds of years but who gives a fuck? I mean really?
And then what? To top all that off she gets a concert organised for her on the roof of her gaff by Gary Barlow. Gary Barlow. 60 years to have a bloke from Take That organise a concert on the roof. And who has he got playing? Cliff Richard? Jesus Christ god help us.
It really showed Britain off to the world hey. Can't wait for the Olympics. What are they going to do to top that? organise a mass stroll in the park? Or how about a huge pub quiz?. I mean come on Britain that was so fucking dull.
Rest of the day went off peacefully. I met my lovely cousin for the 1st time since i was 11. Very funny, that when we both sat down, our first question was 'so, what have you been up to for the past 30 years. 18 hours later, i was getting into my teens. Just warming up. Clearly i caught the classic Llanelli trait from my female side of the family of talking fuck loads for ages quickly!
It was great to catch up in the bar of the Golf club and what struck me as several girls walked in dressed up was how much i miss Llanelli when I'm away - the reason? Nearly every woman wears something leopard print. I didn't spot any leggings but there was more leopard print on display than Regents Zoo. I Love it.
So that was the Pageant. The Queens probably sleeping out of sheer boredom and dreading the ultimately mundane concert tomorrow. But no matter I'm sure Prince Phillip has popped a couple of blueys and has invited her to the street party in his pants
Bonjour bloggers
xx
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