Scorching day, summer is back...for a while.
After a week of feeling ropey and early nights I have a multiple boom. Lingering Man cold. Bad chest, teeth are hurting, post shits lethargy and candida. BINGO!
I can handle anyone of those on their own but bundle them together, add being a man and BOOM. It's Carnage.
It has bent my head out of shape. I feel crap, crabby, sorry for myself, not interested in anything and generally yuk. I can always tell I'm in trouble when i start thinking I'm worse off than people with locked in disease. My self pity knows no boundaries.
I soldiered on though, training my lovely client in the morning. Making a woman sweat gives me joy and i succeeded this morning in a non dodgy sexual way. Just with a kettle bell and a patch of grass. Success.
I then went out for my 1st run in over a week and despite wheezing like an asthmatic beagle, felt OK running in the sun to a bit of Elvis and sweating my knackers off. Chest hurt. lungs burnt. Time to look at smoking maybe?
Then it was an afternoon of listening to Test Match Cricket in the sun. The day was calm. The sun was out. Perfect recipe to relax and rest. There was only one problem. Me. A day spent inside ones own head is sometimes guaranteed to bring misery. Today was no different. It just wouldn't shut up. Radio Nick FM was loud and clear and boy was it busy.
Restless, irritable and discontent i think you can describe it as. Best get my arse to a meeting in the evening. The only thing that tends to cure it. It did.
There were the usual dramas with a member of my family who has a mental illness and alcoholism which resulted in me being threatened to be killed and my Mother receiving yet more abuse. Nice. Police were called and after a 24 hour search, the patient was found but all the rights were with them so case dropped. At least he was safe.
Apparently mentally ill patients have so many laws and human rights and the real sick ones abuse this knowing they cannot be touched. Mental Health care in the UK is appalling but that is for another day.
It did spark something good though.
My Mother is as straight as they come. Lovely, hard working, heartfelt and just a lovely Mum. I don't think anyone says a bad word against her. She is Mini Nan. An ace human being.
She rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, reads the Daily Mail, likes Enya, is hard working, loves to have fun and a chat & rarely uses bad language.
Me? I swear like a trooper but some people just don't do they? So after being terrorised for 20 odd years by this sick member of the family she had enough yesterday and was utterly drained and angry about the latest episode. I received a voicemail message updating me on the latest.
You know when you get a message that is serious but makes you laugh but it shouldn't make you laugh but does. It was one of those.
Without going into details the end of the message (and my Mum sounds like Ruth Madoch on the phone which made it even funnier) turned into a total tirade and rant with her letting off steam.
Now i don't know what it is about mothers but sometimes they leave you a 5 minute long voice message which makes you want to smash the phone up after 2 Min's, but this one was a beauty.
2 Min's of updating of news. 1 minute of saying how disappointed she was, then 30 seconds of glorious letting out of emotion and feelings in the words 'i am so fucking fucked off with this shit. He;s a fucking wanker and I've fucking well had enough of that fucking cunt".
Oh my god it was poetry. Keates, Wordsworth, Shakespeare, you can all fuck off, my Mother is taking over now. So out of character. This language pouring out of a classy mum had such profound effect it made me laugh loudly in the meat isle of Sainsburys. I was actually carrying Turkey Ham at the time. Don't get me wrong i like Turkey Ham, it makes me laugh, a combination of 2 meats that are so far apart from each other, you may aswell do pigeon dog, it's funny but not as much as someone who doesn't swear letting out a tyranny of abuse. Superb.
Swearing is great. It can be effective. Sure sometimes it is used too much and inappropriately, but a well timed delivery of swear words especially from someone unexpectedly is just wonderful.
Posh people saying 'cunt'.
Old people saying 'wanker'
Even my Nan used to drop the occasional 'pissed off' or 'shitty' into a sentence.
It just elevates the sentence to another level and you sit up and take note. Poetry man (said in Geordie accent)
Couldn't get to sleep as i was warmer than the Sun. Tossed and turned, then went to bed (boom boom) - it was steamy, close and humid. Perfect conditions for swing bowling but not sleeping. So i got up, thought about doing something constructive and instead logged onto to 'Czech Girls go crazy'.
Man i really must go to Prague
xx
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