Day 5 of Fast
Koh Samui, Thailand
I'm in the home straight! Only one and half days to go. I haven't eaten for 5 days! Five bloody days. Incredible really.
When you're sitting at home or just getting on with your every day life you cannot comprehend going 2 days without food, let alone a week. For people who have never fasted it genuinely seems impossible. But it isn't. Just like a lot of things in my head.
I asked a fellow returnee, Leslie from London, what her family and friends thought of her fasting. "Oh they think I'm bonkers", she replied. Probably because it is.
Life here is different for us 20 or so fasters. The tropical climate, sun, heat, mediation at 7.30am, yoga at 8.45am, colema at 10am, juice at 1, 4, colema at 5 then final juice at 7 keeps the day full.
When you're at home fasting is nigh on impossible. It's a totally different cocooned environment here so you don't really miss eating too much and just get on with it.
She called it her 'annual MOT', which is pretty how I view it.
She also admitted to feeling negative, having low self esteem and feelings of isolation yesterday. So it's not just alcoholics that have those feelings, civilians do too. It made me feel better. I think identification on a deep level is one of the greatest things for a human. Feeling isolated or alone is corrosive for mind and health. Although she did say she had an addictive personality. Interesting. I shall investigate further tomorrow. Perhaps there are more addicts out there than we or they realise, undiagnosed just maintaining it the best they can.
We also discussed the weird process of fasting. She admitted to eating crap, drinking, getting stressed, living badly after her fast last year, with a brief restbite when she got home only to slip into bad habits and return again this year. Many people who come here have exactly the same cycle. Habits and lifestyles are hard to change.
When you get back to normal living. Busy job, kids, families, stress, commuting, London living, social life, whatever it maybe - it is hard to maintain good habits if you're used to bad ones. Finding the time to meditate, cook fresh food, exercise, see family, maintain relationships with friends, drink water, nourish yourself is difficult in a busy life. Unless of course that is your lifestyle, then it's a piece of piss. In fact when you are like that an unhealthy lifestyle seems alien and repulsive. It's like the reverse side of the same coin.
The key is to find a way to incorporate good habits into your life. I find it incredibly difficult after so long in bad ones. It is engrained and changing them is hard.
Still talking to Leslie today showed me I am not alone. There are many of us and why places like Spa Samui are so popular. But it is a quick fix and not the answer to long term health and wellness. This has to come from within and be maintained on a daily basis. This is the challenge for us all.
It is what happens between the fasts that is more mportant than the fast.
Having said that it does make me feel great and have shed 4KG's of excessive Xmas flab plus today my energy came back and my head feels clear. I still get the head invade me of course, as per yesterday but on the whole I am feeling much clearer. The fog is lifting. But I still remain.
Today has been OK. I woke early and ground out a 45 minute run, stopping for an ace meditation at my favourite spot. I managed 7.5 minutes this time and even got out of my own head for 3 of it. Fabulous. The run was great on the way back. Top off, sweating, stride lengthening, pace increasing, breathing rythmical, head flowing with positive ideas. It's like active form of meditation for me and I fucking love it.
Then I had a great Colema. I know I shouldn't say, but Christ so much came out I felt a stone lighter. 10 months of processed meat finally escaping. "Get out you little bastards" I murmured. I had to question my sanity at that point. I appeared to be talking to my own colon. 5 days of not eating clearly does that to man.
The rain poured down all day so I retreated to my hotel room. This is where the head started and I went into self. That is not a good place. I began to try and plot my future. Not being able to decide on counselling, therapist, trainer, coaching, writing a novel or becoming a self help guru. 'Where do I start?' I became overwhelmed and took to smoking cigarettes on the balcony. I was in danger of disappearing up my own arse again and into the black dog.
Luckily I had Colema number 2 (pun intended) however on the way I got into a great conversation with a fellow faster for an hour. I felt better. It took me out of me. I realised that connection with other humans are so important. I'm not great on my own.
Then I had another wicked Colema. I know this is stupid but just the action of having to do something you had to concentrate on other than your own thinking helped. The fact that more hidden cocktail sausages were released was a bonus. Instead of murmuring, empowered by new found confidence in shitting I repeated the 'get out you bastards' phrase but loudly this time.
I was kept amused throughout the day by my best mates on a WhatsApp group sending me pictures of delicious food all day. The bastards sent Tunnocks Tea Cakes, Burger and Chips, a massive beef rib and Sunday Roast. I love my mates, luckily the last image was of flatbread and hummus. Nobody likes hummus so it put me off eating for another 2 days. Cheers buddy!
As you can tell not a lot happened today. I return to my earlier statement. I honestly thought I couldn't go a whole week without eating but I can. I honestly thought I couldn't run a marathon but I ran 7 of them. I honestly thought I couldn't do an Ironman but I did 3 of them. I honestly thought I couldn't stop drinking but I have for 14 years.
So despite so much evidence to the contrary, that my head tells lies, why do I doubt I can become a coach, trainer, self help guru, write a selling novel, help many people, earn decent money, build the life I want, quit smoking, live healthily and be free of other addictions?
It's a question that I keep asking myself over and over again. One day I will stop believing it.
Love you all very much and please sponsor me for the London Marathon. I'm running it in 8 weeks for Action on Addiction and any support is appreciated.
https://www.justgiving.com/Nick-Evans23/
Nicholas 'Is that an adams apple or are you just pleased to see me?' Evans
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