If you have been affected by Bi-polar either as a friend, family member or sufferer, watch it on I-player. It is Informative, educational, tragic and inspirational. Compelling viewing.
I am not an expert on the condition. I do not have it and I haven't worked in the field. So why write about it?
All I do is speak from personal experience. I have grown up with it. My brother has Bi Polar 1 (the most serious form) and I have witnessed the effects upon him and the rest of the family over 40 years. I also know people who have it and a good number of people who live with clinical depression and other mental health disorders.
I am not unique, we all do.
Bi-polar disorder affects around 1 in 100 adults. That's about 4 million in the UK, plus of course family/friends/partners, so that's around 10-12 million people directly affected. But what actually is it?
Bipolar disorder used to be called ‘manic depression’. As the older name suggests, someone with bipolar disorder will have severe mood swings. These usually last several weeks or months and are far beyond what most of us experience. It can be genetic, triggered by externals, or developed over a period of time. Usually the sufferer has a chemical imbalance in the brain and the symptoms can lie undetected for years. Regular treatment includes medication, therapy, CBT, exercise and advice on 'living right' to help the condition.
I come from a compassionate place. I cried during the documentary. It made me sad, Mental illnesss always has. We've all got our touching points. For some it's sick animals, kids or homeless. There are many things to make us sad in this world, It's hard to feel such compassion for all things, but for me, the thing that really touches me is mental illness and addcition. It just tears my heart out and grabs me every-time.
I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was doing a week's work experience in a mental health hospital when I was young. Perhaps it was seeing my brother sectioned on many occasions. Perhaps it was seeing my hero of an older brother reduced to a drooling child like figure walking with a limp like a 7 year old when heavily medicated. Heart breaking to see strong people reduced to a child like status.
It's the vulnerability that gets me every time.
I have friends who will hate me making a song and dance about it as they just want to be treated normally. I have friends who live with it, talk about it and write books on it to helps others. They live a normal life. Excellent role models.
These are the real experts. The people who have it and the ones who treat them. I am merely an observer.
And boy is there a lot to observe! A crazy roller-coaster of behavioural patterns, manic episodes that spiral into huge grandiosity, relentless insanity, fabuously hilarious schemes, hurtful damaging actions, fractured relationships. It's tough to witness.
When untreated it's tragic, or when the sufferer doesn't want to treat it, or is too scared or too closely aligned with other addictions to be able to give treatment a chance. It puts such an enormous strain on those around them and usually means they cannot function within normal confines of society. Most will self medicate or form other addictions, and in some cases it can result in suicide. Sometimes it can go relentlessly untreated for years which is like a living suicide in itself.
The bottom line is just like any other form of disease or health issue, The person has to want to do something about it for treatment to work. People didn't chose to have mental illness, but trying to have an attitude of acceptance certainly helps. Easy for me to say though when I don't have it.
I have alcoholism .I am lucky in that sense and I wouldn't swap my disease for Bi-polar. Yes I am prone to feelings of isolation, self obsession, self pity and self hatred. I have my off days and off weeks followed by feelings of optimism or hope, but not a patch on what Bi-polar suffers get, even more so without medication. My brother once said 'I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Trying to live with this head daily is so hard."
The poor bastard. I get it, I really do.
That is not to say that people with Bi-polar are victims. They are magnificent bastards. Slightly eccentric but always with a heart of gold and exceptionally talented in their own field. They live normal lives and certainly don't use it as a self pity fest.
Clearly there are different cases and disorders, they are not all lumped into one, but observing someone with the worst kind over the years is particularly painful.
But the individual also has to take responsibility. It is crucial to help with diet, rest, sleep, regular treatment, medication and exercise. These all help conditions and just like you and me as normal humans (well you are) - we feel better mentally when we live right. When we go on the piss, eat crap, never exercise, sleep little, get stressed our mental health suffers. Multiple that by around 1million and we may get an idea of what someone living with the condition may get.
I don't blame people for not looking after themselves though. I don't. I am full of self hatred half the time and I don't have a mental illness. I can't imagine what people with Bi-polar or clinical depression must feel like sometimes. The urge to say 'fuck it' and self medicate or blot out feelings must be vast. A quick jog around the block must seem like a marathon.
Watching that documentary made me want to scream and shout. Funding has been cut radically over the years. Prognosis and treatments are average to say the least. Doctors seem to dish out anti-depressants like candy to anyone with a complaint. It's turned into a pill culture with treatment services like a 'drive through' now, such is the pace people are seen then spat out. Standards and facilities have declined so are the ones who really need the help getting the right kind?
Are we tolerant enough of it? Do we know as much about it as a society as we should? Do we actually recognise depression as a disease? We rarely see 'depression; on death certificates of suicide victims do we? Just like 'alcoholism'.
Yes we have #mentalhealth week, clever social media campaigns and adverts, but when the push comes to the shove are we really that more educated and informed? Are we really that compassionate to those that suffer? I'm not so sure.
We live in a selfish and harsh world. The weepers and self indulgent drama queens give people with mental disorders a bad name It means people of an older generation are more cynical of mental illness. Some see it as self indulgent and 'weak'.
"Pull yourself together" is a commonly thrown at people, "we never used to mope about". I understand this sentiment as let's face it there are a lot of lazy, self indulgent, mopey bastards about who check themselves into the nearest clinic to treat a little bout of depression like it's some kind of trendy fad.
Depression is banded about too easily these days, without true depth and understanding of what it is. Anti-depressants are prescribed like a sponsored pharmacy. Sure most people will have periods of feeling down, but to some it is a lifetime clinical disorder. The trouble with these soft as shit self indulgent X-Factor, 'the Only Way is.....' selfie posing generation of self indulgent drama-queens is that real depression or mental illness get's merged into these idiots and creates a bad image.
This annoys and frustrates me. At least the documentary last night was serious and informed. It needs more education and treatment and for people to have a wider acceptance of it and it's true meaning. Not to be down for a few days so 'I'm depressed' but true compassion and understanding it is part of every day life and to reduce the stigma.
But do we really give a shit? We do get a bit of compassion fatigue don't we? I mean there is a week for everything. Cancer week, Mental health week, child of an alcoholic week, addict week, diabetes week. All are tremendous causes and important to raise awareness but we get a bit fatigued sometimes. So I do understand people's apathy or fatigue by yet another campaign for awareness. It's not our fault but it is if we stigmatise it.
Let's undersatand it is a disease. Let's understand the ripple effect on families. Lets encourage people, let's be compassionate, let's try and help. But How?
Donate a tenner for the marathon, or get a t-shirt saying 'I hug mentally ill people' - find something I don't know what, even if it's to look up depression and think of any of your friends have it. Call someone you think is struggling. Just do something. Anything! Even if it is to have more acceptance of it than you did yesterday.
I do think one thing is vastly under-rated and goes under the radar as a treatment. Exercise. A powerful mood lifter. A vastly underated medicine. Getting up and out, being active is so good for mental health and many think crucial in their health.
"yeah yeah", is usually the come back. But it is clinically proven to raise levels of adrenaline, balance the brain and really aides recovery or living with mental illness (or indeed other health issues) much more effectively than some medications.
Why the fuck doesn't the Government prescribe personal trainers and gym memberships and fitness coaches to help people with their daily lives? Wouldn't it save on long term medication and treatment? Isn't prevention better than cure? And whilst you are at it I include diabetes, obesity, addiction and other health related issues to that model.
Isn't it easier to live life with a 'buddy system' - someone who you can check in with, learn from, be accountable too, get help from?
I know this is a radical idea but how simple and effective would that be? A Health Coach who can work with people combining PT, Counselling, listening and coaching. Perhaps that would help?
The thing that touched me most in the documentary, was the Chef who was grade 1 Bi-polar and
the thing that made me cry was his boss. She owned the restaurant, and despite his mood swings, she was committed to helping him. It made me cry.
I thought, 'I need to be more like that' - if we all individually and as a society gave people a chance more, tried to help and encourage what a world we would have. I love to be encouraged don't you?
Yes there will always be fuckwits about but instead of being like most corporations or individuals, only concerned with profit and self, or the bottom line and our own ends, this woman ran a business but wanted to help her employee. How good is that?
I love that attitude, That's what I took from the programme. That's how I feel now.
I feel emotional. I want to get on a plane and go and give my brother a hug, I want to give the girl from the tooting meeting a hug who suffers bi-polar along with alcoholism, she is so sweet and such a tryer who doesn't have a shred of self pity in her body but clearly struggles. So vulnerable and adorable.
I want to shake the man's hand from the rooms who tours schools talking about mental wellness and health who is a reovering alcoholic, manic depressive and one of my heroes and role models (despite his dandruff and courdroy)
I want to tell my mate who has it and always berates me for making a thing of it as he insists since medication and prognosis it's not a thing and lives a normal life that I admire him greatly and underneath our masculine banter, I love him and have total respect.
These are my heroes. God i'm welling up. I feel fired up. I am crying writing this.
Tears of emotion, of passion, Tears for my brother who doesn't want to get well. How long can you give the excuse 'I have a mental illness' but also tears because I know deep down it's not his fault and he is not alone.
I feel so helpless, completely powerless. I wish I could do more. I wish I could help.
So if anyone who reads this lives with a mental illness. I salute you and if i'm honest I much prefer you than normal people. Some of those are as dull as fuck.
Carry on being mad. I mean we live in an insane world anyway. Look no further than Donald Trump. The most insane people of all are the ones who pretend to be normal but deep down are not.
If you are nuts. Don't worry about It. So am I. We all are to some lesser or greater degree. It's what defines you and I am proud of you for having it. Do not hide it. Do not feel bad about it. Do not deny it. You are massive legends and be proud of what you are.
I'm off to weep
Support Mental Health week in whatever way you can and if you want to learn more about it or are concerned for a loved one or family member go to this website for more advice - http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/a-z-mental-health/
God bless you all.
Nicholas Edward Evans
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