Day 6 & 7
I'm such a masochist. I extended my fast to a 7th day. I didn't quite feel that 6 was enough, feeling still somewhat rank and listless, so I followed their suggested guide of 7 days.
I'm such a masochist. I extended my fast to a 7th day. I didn't quite feel that 6 was enough, feeling still somewhat rank and listless, so I followed their suggested guide of 7 days.
I haven't yet reached the end of the Colema hell though, a final 'water flush' is scheduled for 10am, followed by a probiotic injected up your ass. If there is one thing I have learnt this week is that I'm a 'giver' not a 'reciever'. I don't know how you girls and boys do it. That's of course if you do of course. You know what I'm talking about you filthy bastards.
I seem to become frozen with fear and dread so I clench. Tensing the whole of my body and of course sphincter. They tell you to 'relax and release', but i'm about as relaxed as someone on their first night of prison sharing a cell with 'Big Don'. This clench in turn forces the pipe to come out and naturally if mid stream a torent of shit. This is not good as you have to pad around trying desperately to put the tube back in your now un-lubed arse, which hurts. I think girls I now know the hell you go through when your man aims for brown insead of pink. I feel your pain.
I have been working on my clenching over the past couple of days and become rather good at it. Its like anal yoga. Trying to breathe and relax when you're head is saying 'look out, hold tight, incoming, Clench!!' The result means the clench relaxes and the bowels flow.
This means you release more, and lord knows I felt better when the years supply of backed up liver sausage, corned beef, cocktail sausages, haslet, dry roasted peanuts, turkey ham (it's not even real is it just a made up meat) and mechanically separated meatballs were let out of their poisonous cage. "get out you dirty bastards" I snarled.
Serves me right for eating such nonsense in the first place. How little do I love myself or my body to put that shit in it? Something to work on when I get home I think.
It really is a double edged sword. The more you get into the colema's the better you feel. I hate to say but I quite enjoyed them today. I really have turned insane. They say that all of that nasty horrible toxic food waste can be stored into poison and in turn create cancer or other disease. This is designed to literally flush it away. They do not say 'go back to eating this shit' afterwards, but most usually do.
I'm pretty sure you won't miss my daily shit bulletins and will survive without them. I apologise for being so filthy in graphic detail today, I'll spare you the you tube clip.
This morning, there was a fresh arrival of pasty faced,
lifeless, worn out bloated fasters. Some of which were chronically obese
Americans with what suspiciously looked like specially reinforced trainers and
what can only be described as leisure slacks I seem to become frozen with fear and dread so I clench. Tensing the whole of my body and of course sphincter. They tell you to 'relax and release', but i'm about as relaxed as someone on their first night of prison sharing a cell with 'Big Don'. This clench in turn forces the pipe to come out and naturally if mid stream a torent of shit. This is not good as you have to pad around trying desperately to put the tube back in your now un-lubed arse, which hurts. I think girls I now know the hell you go through when your man aims for brown insead of pink. I feel your pain.
I have been working on my clenching over the past couple of days and become rather good at it. Its like anal yoga. Trying to breathe and relax when you're head is saying 'look out, hold tight, incoming, Clench!!' The result means the clench relaxes and the bowels flow.
This means you release more, and lord knows I felt better when the years supply of backed up liver sausage, corned beef, cocktail sausages, haslet, dry roasted peanuts, turkey ham (it's not even real is it just a made up meat) and mechanically separated meatballs were let out of their poisonous cage. "get out you dirty bastards" I snarled.
Serves me right for eating such nonsense in the first place. How little do I love myself or my body to put that shit in it? Something to work on when I get home I think.
It really is a double edged sword. The more you get into the colema's the better you feel. I hate to say but I quite enjoyed them today. I really have turned insane. They say that all of that nasty horrible toxic food waste can be stored into poison and in turn create cancer or other disease. This is designed to literally flush it away. They do not say 'go back to eating this shit' afterwards, but most usually do.
I'm pretty sure you won't miss my daily shit bulletins and will survive without them. I apologise for being so filthy in graphic detail today, I'll spare you the you tube clip.
I wouldn’t fancy using the colema room after one of them . Christ their colon must be enlarged to the size of Hampshire (Both New and
I'm sure Elvis would have loved this place, after years of constipation, though it's a bit humid for a jumpsuit to be fair.
But I have done a whole 7 days fasting. I have slung back an occasional can of pop i'm afraid and smoked like a trooper in times of stress, hunger or boredom (so that's pretty much the whole time) - so i'm not what you would call a textbook subject.
Tomorrow, after my morning duties I can break my fast and eat. They suggest raw food for the 1st day, then some fruit and raw food day 2 and some gently cooked healthy food on day 3. I'm not sure I can wait that long.
One of the girls asked me what I was going to eat 1st, saying the shredded Papaya salad was very good. 'I'm sure it is my lovely' I replied, 'but the Pad Thai is better.'
Fuck raw food i'm tasting Thailand tomorrow and I can't wait. And at least i'll be better than my 1st fast in 2006.
It was my first 7 dayer. and I was starving. Every day opposite the hotel I walked past a shop with a massive clear bag of golden tortilla chips hung outside. I swear to God they became more Golden every day. Like they had been spray painted yellow and glistened in the Sun. Those little cunts teased me all week.
They taunted me. I began to dream of giant tortillas. I saw them everywhere. Then on Day 8 when you could break your fast, I marched straight past all the do gooder healthy bastards eating papaya salad and bought 3 bags. Sitting by the pool I demolished them in about 5 minutes. It was disgusting, I looked like Mr Creosote in Speedos. I couldn't shovel them in quick enough. Like speed eating on fast forward. Crumbs were all over me, down my front, in my Speedos, scattering my lounger. I even found a half eaten one in my arse crack. Still waste not want not!
I was like a an adult baby. Bits of processed friend corn covered me but they were the best tortilla chips I've ever eaten, and I don't even like the sodding things. I wont make the same mistake again.
I'm not even that hungry if I'm honest. It's not as hard as you think and I ran again this morning. Some people have good experiences, others find it hard. I'm somewhere in between.
The hardest thing is your head and the tiredness. Sometimes you get in such a fog and can't think clearly. I left my bankcard in the ATM the other night, forget things all the time and even forgot a large Adams apple is not a good sign in this country. What a fool!
Seriously though I have enjoyed the experience and i'm looking forward to eating healthily and enjoying and appreciating all the flavours and colours of the great food on offer here.
I am blessed and lucky to be able to have the choice not to eat. Some people don't have that luxury in the world. Some people don't have enough.
I am blessed to have the ability, opportunity and means to cook good food and handle it with love and gratitude. I am ashamed to admit I haven't done that. I've taken having it for granted and have been lazy with what I have put into my body. I have even abused it at times. Shameful really.
It's so easy to get into that attitude at home, but out here you have time to think and reflect. But the real deal is when I come home to reality. This fast will mean shit, literally, if I go back to old ways. So today I decided to train to be a personal trainer, do a nutrition qualification and then train in counselling on addicitons and health and wellness.
I think it will help to change me around and in turn help others to. What do you think? A middle aged body coach in Speedos. Think there's a gap in the market? I bloody hope so!
I am blessed and lucky to be able to have the choice not to eat. Some people don't have that luxury in the world. Some people don't have enough.
I am blessed to have the ability, opportunity and means to cook good food and handle it with love and gratitude. I am ashamed to admit I haven't done that. I've taken having it for granted and have been lazy with what I have put into my body. I have even abused it at times. Shameful really.
It's so easy to get into that attitude at home, but out here you have time to think and reflect. But the real deal is when I come home to reality. This fast will mean shit, literally, if I go back to old ways. So today I decided to train to be a personal trainer, do a nutrition qualification and then train in counselling on addicitons and health and wellness.
I think it will help to change me around and in turn help others to. What do you think? A middle aged body coach in Speedos. Think there's a gap in the market? I bloody hope so!
Bring on the last day 8! I will report finally tomorrow.
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