Weds 24th February 2016
Spa Samui, Koh Samui, Thailand
Big Brother Fasting Diary
Day 1
"Why on earth would you fly half the way round the world not to eat?" So said one Nicholas Edward Evans way back in 2005 on my first visit to Thailand. It seemed like a ridiculous concept then and no doubt to many of you now.
I simply couldn't get my head around it. I mean all that terrific Thai grub, plus how on earth can you go a whole day without eating, let alone a week? It's insane and why do it in the first place?
Fasting has thousands of years of ancient history. It is practiced by various religious orders. Designed to purify the soul and create discipline. At The Spa Samui they promote fasting and cleansing (yes we are talking twice daily self administered colonics) more as a health practice than religious/spiritual one. There are a few in England, but you're talking two grand a week to effectively shit yourself for a week in a nice hotel. For me, fasting is all about sunning yourself, sweating like a pig and boating 5 litres of water day. It has to be done in a tropical climate.
I was first introduced to it in 2006 when I was suffering with terrible low energy and heavy candida (like a feeling of being hungover all the time) I was trying to prepare for an Ironman (and failing), so a friend of mine recommended the 7 day cleanse at Spa Samui as a place to get my energy back.
I was ultra sceptical of course. As a fully paid up member to the contempt prior to investigation club and wary of 'all that spiritual bollocks' i thought it would be a load of old bollocks and never thought I could do it. Well i did and the results were remarkable. I felt alive and had bundles of energy managing to complete my Ironman a few short months later. I was sold. Cleansing and fasting worked for me and I have been a semi-regular visitor ever since.
It is a peculiar place with a litany of weird and whacky spiritual practices designed to realign the body and restore health. Yoga, meditation, energy clearing, aqua therapy, palmistry and many more besides. If you like your Chakra's being aligned this is the place for you. Their 'bread and butter' (God that's making me hungry) is the 7 day cleanse. The thinking is that with the increase in processed food, heavy metals (in farming not in music), pesticides, unhealthy western lifestyles and medicines, parasites live in our guts and have a huge impact on health and wellness. Many swear by it however others swear at it, thinking it's a load of old bollocks with no scientific or medical weight.
The words 'detox' and 'cleanse' are over used in today's society and quite frankly aimed at gullible bastards who will buy the latest fad thinking it will fix them. It won't, the industry is multi billion dollars and effectively a clever marketing con.
The secret of course to healthy and happy living in is in our daily habits. How we live our lives. If we did that then we wouldn't need a 'detox' or 'cleanse'. However in reality many of us don't live healthy lives and come to rely on something as radical as a 7 day cleanse to get out of these habits and reboot the system.
This place has all kinds of people. Guardian photographers, burnt out City Execs, New age American couples, annual health MOT re-booters, portly women with eating disorders, plumbers from Birmingham trying to get off 'that fucking beer and coke', to middle aged caffeine, nicotine and sugar addicts with occasional bulima which fucks their health. They are all here.
Plus they have 4 AA meetings a week, is right on the beach, 90 degrees most days and massages are £6 a pop (less the happy ending) - you can't get that in Somerset.
I wish I didn't have such bad habits that affect my health. I wish I didn't smoke, guzzle mountains of diet coke and dine on processed cocktail sausages and dry roasted peanuts half the time. But I do. I wish I didn't stay up far too late, or have a chaotic love life, be an occasional sex and love addict or engage in unspiritual practices that go completely against my Ironman training, sober spiritual life and wellness. But I do. I'm an arch self sabotager, so a cleanse is a great way to create space, re-eastablish health and try to work on why I do such things to myself.
Half the people who come here are in the same boat, (granted not to the extremes I seem to take it). They flog themselves with drink, drugs, shit diet, stress or other things, come here, clean up, cleanse get a great tan and go straight back to all the shit after. I am one of those people. Guilty as charged. The goal this time is to maintain health and alter the bad habits when I get back to normal life. This is my greatest challenge.
So I come here, to Thailand, home of the lady boy and casual sex to get away from all that at home. Bit like an alcoholic nesting home in Threshers really isn't it? It's got that reputation. When people say, "where are you going on holiday?" and you reply "Thailand", they give that slight smirk, raised eyebrow and say "watch out for the Adams apple".
In several times of coming here I've never done anything remotely dodgy. I've had enough of that in London. Weirdly I come here to get away from all that. Honest!
Thailand isn't just Sin City, it is full of health and wellness, beautiful islands, great food (not that I'll be sampling much) amazing climate, spiritual practices, peace, calm and of course Fasting. I'm a big fan. Besides all the 65 year balding podgy men bouncing young Thai girls on their knees in bars kind of puts you off all that way of life.
The words 'detox' and 'cleanse' are over used in today's society and quite frankly aimed at gullible bastards who will buy the latest fad thinking it will fix them. It won't, the industry is multi billion dollars and effectively a clever marketing con.
The secret of course to healthy and happy living in is in our daily habits. How we live our lives. If we did that then we wouldn't need a 'detox' or 'cleanse'. However in reality many of us don't live healthy lives and come to rely on something as radical as a 7 day cleanse to get out of these habits and reboot the system.
This place has all kinds of people. Guardian photographers, burnt out City Execs, New age American couples, annual health MOT re-booters, portly women with eating disorders, plumbers from Birmingham trying to get off 'that fucking beer and coke', to middle aged caffeine, nicotine and sugar addicts with occasional bulima which fucks their health. They are all here.
Plus they have 4 AA meetings a week, is right on the beach, 90 degrees most days and massages are £6 a pop (less the happy ending) - you can't get that in Somerset.
I wish I didn't have such bad habits that affect my health. I wish I didn't smoke, guzzle mountains of diet coke and dine on processed cocktail sausages and dry roasted peanuts half the time. But I do. I wish I didn't stay up far too late, or have a chaotic love life, be an occasional sex and love addict or engage in unspiritual practices that go completely against my Ironman training, sober spiritual life and wellness. But I do. I'm an arch self sabotager, so a cleanse is a great way to create space, re-eastablish health and try to work on why I do such things to myself.
Half the people who come here are in the same boat, (granted not to the extremes I seem to take it). They flog themselves with drink, drugs, shit diet, stress or other things, come here, clean up, cleanse get a great tan and go straight back to all the shit after. I am one of those people. Guilty as charged. The goal this time is to maintain health and alter the bad habits when I get back to normal life. This is my greatest challenge.
So I come here, to Thailand, home of the lady boy and casual sex to get away from all that at home. Bit like an alcoholic nesting home in Threshers really isn't it? It's got that reputation. When people say, "where are you going on holiday?" and you reply "Thailand", they give that slight smirk, raised eyebrow and say "watch out for the Adams apple".
In several times of coming here I've never done anything remotely dodgy. I've had enough of that in London. Weirdly I come here to get away from all that. Honest!
Thailand isn't just Sin City, it is full of health and wellness, beautiful islands, great food (not that I'll be sampling much) amazing climate, spiritual practices, peace, calm and of course Fasting. I'm a big fan. Besides all the 65 year balding podgy men bouncing young Thai girls on their knees in bars kind of puts you off all that way of life.
As I write this as I come to the end of the 1st
day of fasting. The cravings and hunger are constant, at one point this evening
I became so hungry I considered eating my own fingers.
After checking into a plush hotel next to the fasting spa, I immediately went to the spa to pay for my 7 day fast and receive
my pre fast tablets. I was checked in by a rather lumpy ladyboy, who was rather
more boy than lady. No amount of pink lip gloss could mask her blatant
masculinity. Still she gave me 10% discount so fair dues.
They recommended a 48 hour pre fast
detox diet of raw food and water. Obviously I didn't quite stick to procedure. Gorging on as many sandwiches, cakes, nuts, crisps and
diet coke during the 18 hour journey I could. I arrived in Samui bloated and knackered. I was ready to fast!
In the morning I received the 1st of my 3 hourly detox drinks and began digesting the supplements every 2 hours. The sun was scorching and usually fasters are encouraged to effectively lie around and do nothing all day. Result, I am world class at this!
Unfortunately due to the 7 hour time difference I didn't sleep until 4am and missed meditation at 7am and yoga at 9. Instead I breakfasted like a king on 2 cups of hot water and lemon and 4 silk cut, no-one has mentioned fasting shouldn’t include smoking. I consider it an essential to get through the days. I don’t smoke around the fasting place though. I have standards.
The afternoon passed with regular detox drinks and supplements, dozing between reads of 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole' (all I can handle whilst heavily jet-lagged) and I treated myself to the 1st of my 2 allotted clear broth soups a day before summoning up all of my will power to tackle my 1st colonic, self administered.
My attitude to these are similar to that of certain AA meetings. You don’t want to go, some are horrific to sit through, ultimately unpleasant but you always feel better afterwards. I won’t go into detail about this act of self torture – but it was pretty uneventful as far as they go – the frightening thing was realising I had another 14 to go before the end of my fast. Dear God!
You do let your mind wander on occasions when lying there, in the small room, with the bucket of water and tube up your ass – thinking – Why? What kind of holiday is this? Once you get over the ludicrous concept of flying half way round the world to stick pipes up
The night was quiet, save for occasional cravings for Diet Coke, particular when sat in a cafĂ© watching people eating drinking Diet Coke. Must be a little like a sex addict in a brothel not being able to do anything - although I wouldn’t know about sex addiction of course.
So my first day of fasting passes, I think to myself, "how on god’s earth am I going to last another 6 days?". I am already talking about cutting it short and asking questions like, ‘does eating a can of tuna now and again count?
It's going to be a long week.
(PS - I am very lucky to be here and I'm looking forward to it. See you tomorrow for day 2)
Nicholas 'Khun' Evans
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