3-D Honesty

"The thing I've always liked (and hated) about you Nick is your 3-Dimensional honesty, it's uncomfortable sometimes as it rings so true to me."
Anonymous tonight

When a guy said that phrase to me tonight I thought, 'he's having a pop the fat bastard'. Obviously I didn't say that to his face. I'm not that honest.

Then on reflection I thought, "3-D honesty, I have no idea what it is, but how fucking awesome does that sound!!" Very hyped over the top American and I love it.

3-D is 'in' right now. Films, Games, adult literature. If it's 3-D you can guarantee it adds another £10 to the bottom line and enhances 'viewer experience' (marketing term, don't kill yourself.)

3-D honesty sounds like some kind of super powered, multi-surround sound cluster fuck of honesty on steroids. Cool!

So many people say to me, "Oh I love that you're so honest Nick." Am I? I'm sure many women in my life and I include many ex-girlfriends in that, will disagree.

I have been a bad boy and dishonest on occasions. It has been part of me since growing up and living a double life from being a boy. Alcoholic madness at home, everything cool on the outside. I learnt to be an actor from an early age and live a double life.

Thus became exciting in teenage years as I was able to transfer this into girls and sexual adventure. Trouble is this has carried on until 43 and been the instigator of many failed relationships, hurting many women who have fallen in love with me along the way. Not proud or good.

But that's 3-D honesty right there. Honest about being dishonest and 'owning my shit.' The key of course is not to be heroic and respected for admitting, it's to not act it out in the first place and be honest.

But you know what I was honest. I went into most of them saying my history, my track record and admitting I was a co-dependant, sex and love addicted recovering alcoholic. Now the sane amongst you would probably run a mile but Christ those kind of people are so bloody attractive. Especially to ones who are also insane. A perfect match!

So there's honesty for you. Be open and accept it. Trouble happens when you deny and fight it. I'm not saying it will be a bed of roses but things are a hell of a lot easier to deal with when you accept them. 3D honesty.

So what does honest actually mean? The dictionary states - Free of deceit, truthful and sincere - candid, frank, direct, straight, straightforward, genuine, blunt, plain-speaking.

I have been told I am brutally honest. I have also been told that sometimes I  say the right things, just in the wrong way. But you know what I'd rather be that than a bull-shitter or not give a toss.

It's as dishonest to withhold feelings and emotions and hide them as it is to lie and be totally dishonest. It's as dishonest to pretend you care when really you're just doing it for show (Facebook Paris flags anyone?)

And who is actually honest all the time? Surely that's impossible. Even Mother Theresa must have told a few porkies in her time?

And also watch out for people who start sentences with, "to be honest with you...."  they are about to spout the biggest load of shit since Prime Ministers Question Time.

You really think the Government, Large corporations, Banks, The media and the clergy are being honest to us? God no. We live in an insane dishonest world, but many of us don't really give a shit because we're being too dishonest ourselves.

Having an affair, sneaking off to watch a bit of Frankie Vaughan, posting pictures on Facebook that make your life look better than it is? There are so many subtle forms of dishonesty we act in without realising it every day.

Clearly you can't be bluntly honest all the time, even if you want too. "He's shit in bed, no dick, she's a fat cow, my boss is a twat, he's an arrogant wanker, I hate my kids right now." ad infinitum. We have so many inner thoughts we simply cannot air them publicly - or can we? It's a risky strategy if you do.

Except of course when you are steaming drunk. Then you don't care and the real truth, usually wrapped in massive resentment and seething anger comes out. That's the real raw truth. This is why it's better if I don't drink anymore. This will usually end in P45, divorce and arrest, Usually in that order.

What I do like is honesty of feelings. Cut through the bullshit. Get down to root issues. No fluff. No crap. Straight talking, open and honest about how you feel. We love a good rant sometimes. On:

Your struggles,
Your resentments,
Your worries
Your successes
The rise of farmers markets.
You.

This is 3D honesty. Self awareness and self reflection. It is good to be honest about yourself, especially to a trusted source. It's a shit load better than sitting in resentment the whole time and blaming everyone other than yourself for problems and difficulties.

The world is full of bullshit. Movie stars who are Gay acting straight. Politicians spouting equality whilst raping the poor, brands advertising on TV that they care about you whilst ripping you off. Evangelical preachers spouting the word of God whilst pocketing huge collections for their own benefit. Photo-shop selfies, manufactured TV shows. I mean it's all a load of nonsense isn't it?

The least we can do is be honest about our feelings and cut the crap. That way we all know where we stand.

Now i'm off to manipulate someone into showing me attention by text to sate my chronic feelings of loneliness and low self esteem so my ego is being sated and counting how many 'likes' this blog got on Facebook. Am I going to tell them i'm doing that? Of course not, that would be far too honest now wouldn't it?

PS  - I didn't say I was cured, a guru, a saint or had all the answers did I? it's progress not perfection.

Nicholas Edward Evans.