I'm not going to lie, my stress and pressure has built up over the past few days until today. It erupted.
Lots of work deadlines, waiting on lots of outcomes, lots of decisions outside of my control, waiting, waiting and more waiting. Add some domestic turbulence, lots of stress and chaos around some personal relationships and my intolerance, impatience of alcoholism and you have a heady mix.
The final straw began last night and blew this morning.
An old lady I help now and again rang the previous day saying her car had been removed and was in a car pound. She's lovely but a little helpless and rings me for help now and again. Usually at the times I'm most busy and under stress. Still I'm a people pleaser and of course said, 'leave it to me'.
So, after calling around we ascertained it had been crashed into overnight, damaged and removed. It was now in a car pound, undriveable and accumulating costs.
Cue 8 calls to different departments of her insurance company to try and find the right department to deal with. Finally late in the day I was told. "I'm sorry but you don't have permission we need data protection. Is she with you?"
"Er no, she's 30 miles away, I'm at work, she's hard of hearing, Czech and slightly insane, hence why I'm calling on her behalf."
"You don't have permission"
"But I have all the details"
"I'm sorry Sir you'll have to get her to call"
The call was cut. Then I called her to ask her to call the insurance company to give me permission. That proved a painful experience. It was like trying to talk someone through brain surgery as I explained to her what she had to do and how to do it.
Finally we got there and I was free to talk. I called the insurance company. The lady was on the phone, I was told, "she'll call you back Sir". She never did.
I tried again this morning, still riddled with anger, niggly intolerance and a burning resentment against the bureaucratic bastards.
She answered the phone. Then immediately back tracked when confronted about not calling me back.
"Anyway we're here now. Can i proceed with the clam?"
"Yes Sir, what's the password?"
"What Password?"
"You need it to proceed"
"You didn't tell me that last night, you said you merely needed to speak to the woman so she can confirm I'm acting on behalf of her" You did so here I am."
"We cannot proceed without a password."
"But why tell me that now and not on the phone yesterday."
"Well I'm saying it now Sir, you need a password."
I was starting to boil. Bits were now falling off. The red mist descending,
"I've called 8 times. Spent 2 hours getting the right department, have given the policy number, crime reference number, address, post code, car registration number, a date and time of incident and where the car is impounded. We have an OAP who is freaking out and all I'm trying to do is report the fucking incident. How difficult can it be"
"Please don't swear Sir" (fuck this swearing for a lark. I was heaving by now)
"So you're telling me you cannot proceed?"
"No"
"It's easier to report a fucking murder than this."
At this point I instantaneously thought i had a choice. A choice not to give into my rage and anger. I could put the phone down and instead give myself a break. I could pray. I had already meditated that morning. I could count to 10 and walk away. It wasn't her fault the stupid rules. Yes she was being unhelpful and unfriendly but i had a choice here. After all Nick, you're 12 years sober and in recovery.
I replied
"FUCK YOU. FUCK OFF. YOU FUCKING CUUUUUUUNNNNNTTTTT!!!!!" on the top of my voice and cut the call.
Not quite the outcome I'd hoped for. Not sure she would release the information now.
I then hyperventilated, let the anger subside and laughed at myself. What a twat. That was proper temper. Anti recovery.
The funniest thing is i could actually hear her reply to my outburst but cut the call before i could hear it fully. What on earth was she playing at? I think she was enjoying it and wound me up on purpose.
I rang my old lady friend gave her the numbers and instructed her to deal with it, I had to go to work and may have ended up killing someone if i carried on.
My day was busy, i felt niggly and stressed all day and had the full intention to call her and apologise. It wasn't her fault. It was other reasons that caused the outburst.
It reminded me of the bloke who physically assaulted his wife because she cooked the sprouts too much. You can guarantee it wasn't the sprouts but the years of built up resentment before. That's how it felt today, except the sprouts were overcooked on purpose it and then rubbed in my face. Repeatedly.
Moral of the day. Never start it off with a call centre and if you do be sure to do more than 5 Min's meditation. I think 5 hours is needed first, then prayer, then a meeting, then fuck loads of valium. Cunts. Call centre c***s!
Together We Are Stronger
Nick E Evans
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