Day 144 - The Power of The Inside Job - Humbled

Hi readers. Apologies for being away. I've had a colossal week. Ultra busy and totally surreal.

I really wanted to write about my week because it has been so eclectic, including a visit to Buckingham Palace. However I will do that tomorrow. Instead I had to write today about an incredibly powerful post/comment I received on this blog today. It took my breath away. I was stunned.

I posted it on my Facebook page earlier, so forgive me if you have already read it. And if you're the person who wrote it, forgive me for sharing it.

It is not to embarrass you. It is not to make you uncomfortable. It is not to highlight your plight or to make me look a hero. It is to celebrate you, the writer. It is to celebrate your courage. It is to celebrate your humility. It is to celebrate your humanity for trying to uncover the truth and make sense out of it. It is to celebrate you. You are the one who is an inspiration for writing it;

Anonymous - July 11, 2014 at 2:33 AM

 

Hi,

I wanted to write this to you privately but couldn't find an email. Ideally i wouldn't share this with others but i think it's important you know.

My husband died last April, in a very similar way to Peaches. It sounds crazy but in all the time i had known him i only found out about his alcohol and drug addictions just over a month before his death.
I had no idea! mind you that opens up a whole gamut of emotions...and isn't why I'm here!

Our twins were only a year old when he died. I'm not playing the martyr here, bidding for your sympathy, it's just i often wonder how, when the time comes, i'll tell them about his death. Obviously, i wouldn't lie to them.

I want you to know how your blog has helped me to understand the vortex of addiction a little further and because of that quite a few of your entries have made it into my girls memory boxes - most recently this one. 

I know they will help them too.

You're an inspiration.

Thank you x"

 

Words fail me. There is very little I can add. It is almost not enough to be able to respond. But here goes;

 

I cannot begin to understand the pain of having 1 year old twins and losing the father/your partner at that time. Any time is bad enough, god knows then. I wont even begin to speculate on the pain, trauma, shock, bewilderment, grief and mind dumbing pain it must have caused. I have no idea how you managed.

 

To be able to reach out and write about it is huge. It takes tremendous courage and strength to reach out and say such kind words. How much humility you have to do that.

 

Do not even say such words as martyr. This must not pass your lips. Your words are completely the opposite. They are heroic. Trust me I have heard martyr's all my life and they do not speak the language you do.

 

You are not a victim. You are not fishing for sympathy. You must be trying to make sense or find a path along the way. You to me are heroic. You to me are inspirational.

 

Addiction has no boundaries. It has no sense of timing, class, faith, colour, creed or social standing. It is a greedy bastard and it merely wants life. It will stop at nothing to claim that, no matter what the circumstances left behind.

 

My mission, if I have one is to make alcoholism/addiction socially acceptable. That's not to say we should accept death or addiction, but in the sense it is not a dirty secret. It is not something to look down on. It is not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed.

 

It is a disease, just like cancer except it is dressed up differently. It is no less powerful. It kills. As you know, without reason or in some cases detection. It is in my eyes as socially acceptable as depression or diabetes or any other medical condition that is terminal. It commands respect. Yet do people listen?

 

The trouble is with it, you cant tell who's got it. Most people can't tell themselves. It is ignored, mis-treated. Unknown. The medical profession don't even understand it. Some don't even want to. It saddens me.

 

How many more people need to die before society gets it? How many more people need to die before medical systems accept it? How many more kids will grow up missing parents because people don't know about it?

 

Try telling you, your kids, others affected by loss of loved ones. Try telling my father or the 1000's of others on the front line addiction doesn't exist and is a dirty secret.

 

To all the doubters, or judgers or experts who claim it isn't a disease. Fuck you. Fuck em. Fuck em all. Where are they on the front line? Are they the ones who have buried their father? Are they the ones who see generations affected?

That's why I'm a massive supporter of AA and other 12 step programmes. That's why I love Alanon. It has helped my Mother come to terms of a life spent with alcoholics and set her free. That's why I love speaking the truth in this blog. That's why I love recovery.

I'm not cured. Lord knows I find many ways to act out in peculiar and addictive ways. But I'm on board with sobriety. I'm on board with the concept of addiction as a disease. And I will never stop talking about it. I will NEVER stop until it's the norm. I will NEVER stop until I die making it OK to have it, be affected by it, grow up with it, suffer loss from it. It is OK.

 

What you did takes huge strength and courage. I hope one day your kids will be proud of you and their father. I hope one day they will see that it wasn't his fault or yours. No more anyone's fault than getting cancer or M.E.

 

You are the inspiration today my lovely. You are the one who deserves to be in the memory banks of every one of us. Not just for me but for everyone who reads this. They will all think, wow, what a woman you are. They will all give you tremendous respect you so deserve.

 

I know it won't change the past, ease the pain or change circumstance but it will give you a boost knowing that all the 100's ( I wish 1000's - but that's my alcoholic ego, see that's my style of writing heartfelt with a little bit of cheeky humour I think that's why people rather like the blog) who read this blog will be admiring your beautiful words and incredible human spirit.

 

God bless you. God bless your twins. God bless their father. This one is for you because as you know, my tagline is really very true today, today especially, Together We Are Stronger. And WE LOVE YOU and THE TWINS.

 

Thank you

xx

 

Nicholas E Evans