Day 143 - Alcohol is merely a symptom

What is a symptom?

Definition - A symptom is a departure from normal function or feeling which is noticed by a patient, indicating the presence of disease or abnormality.

So how the hell is alcohol merely a symptom of alcoholism? And what does that mean?

Well, let me explain and give it context of today.

If a symptom is a departure from normal function or an indication of disease, this makes it tricky with alcoholism or addiction because it is a disease that can only be self diagnosed.

Most people drink, some take recreational drugs, most people have sex or go shopping, everyone eats food. So what of the people who abuse all of these seemingly every day functions. How can that be a disease?

Well, what happens before we take a drink? before most of us start drinking at 10,12,15 or 20. Were we maladjusted to life before we took a drink. I know I was.

I had no idea of course, I just thought it was me and my odd head. But looking back I was riddled with fear, resentment, ego, doubt, insecurity as a kid. Most people are to some lesser or greater degree, but addicts tend to have this more than most.

We were walking candidates to abuse a substance. Most people start off socially. Everyone experiments as a kid or young adult. Some more than most. People turn into heavy drinkers or drug users but they're not addicts/alcoholics.

It's what lies beneath the substance where alcoholism/addition lives. It's in the mind. It's a mental disease that is manifested in physical and emotional .The substance merely masks and accelerates it.

As I've heard many times alcoholism is in people not bottles. If it was just about the booze, why would I still need to go to meetings? Why would I need a programme of living to take me away from my alcoholic mind?

Is it because I need a replacement? Possibly. But it's mostly because when you put down the drink or the drug you only begin to realise the power of the disease within you that makes you need to drink.

The problem with alcoholics then is once you take the first drink it sets off a phenomenon of craving that means you simply cant stop at one. 1 is too many and 1000 is not enough, so the saying goes.

This can be true of food, gambling, drugs, love, sex, shopping, cigarettes etc. If you have an addictive personality it is simply not possible to stop at one. It's a compulsion. Once the bloodstream has been breached. it needs more. Once the endorphins have been released in sex, the chase, a gamble, sugary foods, it just means we crave more and more and more. There is no off. And that is the difference between a casual user and an addict.

So total abstinence is really the only solution. But how do you do that. Just stop? Well some people have but they tend to go insane. Why? Because the alcohol or substance is merely the symptom. The tip of the iceberg. get rid of that and you are still left with the raging lunatic disease running riot in your head that makes you crave and want to go back to the very thing that is causing problems.

That's why it is merely the symptom. That's why work needs to be done to challenge and change the addict personality. So that it doesn't rule the mind and body and cause untold destruction.

People ask why do I need to go to meetings still. I like to say, if you're a diabetic you need to take insulin every day. Otherwise you get sick. It's the same with a 12 step programme for me. If I don't do it my alcoholism comes back, my behaviour, head, thinking ,perception goes all wonky, where the only real conclusion i'll eventually come to is to drink.

Untreated alcoholism in someone not drinking is as dangerous as drinking. Fear, worry, ego, grandiosity can all drive us at some point or other, but if you don't treat this there will come a time when you will eventually say, "Fuck this" and have a drink. Setting off the phenomenon of craving.

I've seen it many times. usually with people that didn't want to look under the bonnet and get down to the nitty gritty parts of alcoholism. To do the work, the steps and crack on. Instead we tend to stay in our head 'alcoholism' and life becomes painful for us and others.

I saw it today. A sponsee who's 2 years sober, rang me 4 times in the morning in bits. I was in a meeting, then having coffee with a mate, but my sponsee was all over the place, Angry, frustrated, fearful ,upset, raging.

I told him to come and meet me in the Fulham Road. 30 minutes later he rang on the verge of tears. He was marching up the Kings Road and had overshot the junction by 3 miles and was now miles away. He couldn't force himself to ask someone for directions. His pride wouldn't let him. male Pride + Alcoholic Pride + Monster cock ego pride. He would rather walk lost in tears trying not to punch people than ask for help. he was in trouble.

That's alcoholism right there and he's 2 years sober - so it goes to show that alcohol is merely the symptom.

I'm happy to report I guided him to Fulham, took him to a meeting, forced him to share his truth, talked, had a cup of tea and ended up laughing at his stupid pride. He felt better and was waved off at 1pm a new man.

What would have happened if it wasn't for AA? What would have he done? I tell you what, he would have got pissed. Angrily, ugly horrible pissed and ended up in a fight and a police cell. How do I know that? Because that's what he used to do before.

So that proved to me that alcohol is merely a symptom because his head and mind worked exactly the same as 2 years previous. The disease was trying to get him drunk. And if it cant have him drunk it wanted him pissed off, angry, isolated and in nervous disarray. Simple.

So a big shout out for AA and the fellowship today. It certainly helped one person alter their attitude and saved the police and pretty much everyone in Clapham South from a whole heap of misery.

Cheers fellowship I owe you

Together We Are Stronger

Nicholas E Evans