Apologies about lack of blogging yesterday. Do forgive me. I was back late after a long day at work, followed with a meeting and this little soldier had a bad chest and cold. Of course after 999 had been called I miraculously survived the night and lived to fight another day.
Not a lot to report today i'm afraid. A couple of things stood out though;
1 - Us British guys are completely unprepared for the weather. We are useless in the summer. Our idea of a summer wardrobe is to take our jacket off. That's about the only concession to 100 degree furnace like heat.
I remained committed to my 'work look'. White buttoned upped shirt, navy waistcoat, navy suit jacket (slim fitted of course), skinny navy jeans, brown shoes, massively lackered quiff.
You can almost dress me, heavily lacker my quiff on a Monday morning and i'm set fair for the week. I have fooled 2 girls at work into believing I actually do that. Amazing really. I do get called Beckham around 1-2 times a day in London. But I love it really.
I do rotate the look on a daily basis, usually with a different shirt but always buttoned up and no tie. Today I went for the sky blue shirt with white collar. Big mistake in this furnace like heat.
I sweated on the walk to the train, sweated on the train, sweated on the tube, sweated on the walk from the tube and sweated in the office. My shirt became an mixture of sweat, massive rings of dark blue under the armpits and I looked a mess. Thank god the heavily lackered quiff held in place. I was melting, sweat poring down my brow but my hair remained stoically still. Half a can of Elnett a day habit manages to keep it solid. Like a statue. My quiff is important to me. Gives me an extra 3 inches and Lord knows we could all do with that boys cant we?
I was forced to take my jacket off to give light relief. I love being smart and love the whole 3 piece suit look but I looked like someone doing the Tour De France in sauna and even I, the original ice man had to relent.
People kept on moaning, "It's too hot", "Isn't it hot?" Stop fucking moaning for Christ Sake. Yes it is roasting but we only get around 10 of these days a year so shut the fuck up. Honestly what is wrong with people?!
" - Second thing I learned more in keeping with me, my journey and the Inside Job was noticing part of the flaws of my alcoholism today and how deep it runs in my character and behaviour.
Without going into too much detail as it was a professional situation and I like my job and don't want to write publicly about it. But this highlights my character, alcoholic personality and what i'm up against to try and change. Many people will identify.
It is essentially about a lack of self worth and high ego.
I had some decent news today. I got something I requested in return for good work. A fair transaction.
Except because it was agreed immediately i considered 'I've asked for too little". Now i'm never sure if i'm permanently ungrateful, nothing is ever enough or i'm operating in alcoholism.
But on refection i think my lack of esteem and fear made me ask for too little and under value myself. It made me feel happy of course that i got something, but also a little regretful i perhaps under valued myself due to fear and self worth.
it is a classic under earners technique you learn in Business Debtors Anonymous. We think we're amazing but when it comes to asking for something for ourselves we become all apologetic riddled in fear and lacking in self worth.
i know i have in the past. Then when you get the square root of fuck all you've been asking for, you become resentful and angry after, believing yourself to be better than you are being recognised.
It's a vicious circle but one that is self created and I saw that today. It wasn't so severe, nor did i become resentful but it was interesting to observe some of the character traits that were being displayed.
I didn't have all the answers. However I didn't get negative, or pissed off. I didn't sell myself too short but I was pleased to see the lessons. If i value myself and my work it is right to ask for market value and not apologise if you do. You may not get it of course but it seems successful people do because they believe they are worth it. And if they believe they're worth it well then you probably will too. Simple really.
Anyway it's progress not perfection right? At least that's what I think and many of YOU agree.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas E Evans
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