It's Friday night. It's 11pm. I'm just home from my fabulous home group in Richmond, straight from work. It's been a full on week. Ultra busy, long hours, a little bit stressful. I'm tired. Really tired. Where's my reward for being good?
Alcoholics are renowned for wanting a pat on the head just to do the simplest things. I am constantly disappointed when the train carriage doesn't break into spontaneous applause just for me doing a full day's work. Heroic!
Getting a grown up job requires grown up responsibilities. It's mentally taxing being answerable and responsible. The pressure is on. Mix that with the daily commute, the relentless bustle and strain of London and you have yourself a hectic week. Hooray for Friday.
I don't know if you get this feeling after a full on week but I've got the, "where's my reward for a hard week a work?" syndrome.
You know the one. Where you want to cut loose. Break out of the week's serious focused toil. Friday night is perfect night to blow your socks off and get out of real life. I want a reward!
For some it's a night on the sofa, feet up, curled up, glass of wine, Chinese take-away, Graham Norton on the box (sadly not the electric chair). Some do the gym, others (like me) a meeting or some tear the arse out of the night on thrills and pills and Magners. Some like to spend the night trussed up in a bondage club or chasing women around London.
me? I'm sat in with some corned beef and pickle and a cup of tea. Where did it all go wrong?
I've always subscribed to work hard, play hard. But when you're a recovering alcoholic, a meeting is always a good release to 'get out of your head', but sometimes when you've had a stressful time, it just doesn't cut it and you want to blast off and cut loose. That's how I'm feeling tonight.
I want a reward for being good all week and I want to 'get out of my head'. It's not too abnormal, God knows most people are out and about in one way or other tonight getting on it.
I rarely feel this way, it's not like I'm craving a drink or drug. I'm not pissed off, unhappy or disturbed. It's just I've had a full on week and I want to let off steam.
Trouble is the closest I'm going to get to that is Series 1 of Kalifornication. Someone suggested I watch it. Apparently it's about a sex addicted writer. Think they're trying to tell me something?
Still, it may make me feel better. After all, staying in on a Friday watching a DVD box set means I cannot be a sex addict. Mind you if I abandon it at 3am to go to 'Rio's' I may have to revisit that statement.
I will be in bed soon being massively rock and roll with a cup of tea and pack of Kleenex. My reward for a hard week at work tonight? Well it's writing to you of course. That and some buttered meat, 2 cups of tea and a tip top meeting. It's OK to want things. Best to express than act out in my book. It's not a bad old life really, I've just got to convince myself the whole world isn't out tonight on a Friday night having the best time ever. Some are staying in watching Graham Norton. See, that makes me feel better already.
Have a good weekend.
Nicholas E Evans
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