With New Year's day being last Sunday. 2017 stretched out like a Goddess. Full of hope and wonder. Full of new beginnings. She felt so wonderful. So utterly uplifting. She promised to be the ultimate date.
She stroked us and whispered beautiful nothings in our ear. She brought us tea in bed and made us scrambled egg and smoked salmon. She dived through the waves by moonlight and ran naked along a deserted beach. New Years danced provocatively to soulful Buddha beats and made us semi hard through our elasticated Xmas jogging bottoms. She made slow beautiful love to us and bought us kebab and chips after.
But then she changed. She turned up on the date after the cock teasing what's app messages of NYE 2017 She was Ok at first. On day 1 and 2, because it wasn't real. There was no work. We were still leaving the dream.
And then we went back to work. We had to face her. She turned 2017 into something horrific. She became the same as 2016. What a bitch!!!
All those aspirations of 2017 are hard to maintain when you are crushed on the 6.43am Jubilee Line, pressed up against a portly middle aged man trying to read his paper smashed into your face. The optimism of 2017 is hard to maintain When the kids wouldn't wake up or your husband leaves another militant skid-mark in the toilet. Not dancing by moonlight now are you 2017 you liar!!!!
Fantasising rather than actually doing it is so much more fun. Sure I'd like a great job, business, home, money, financial security, health, happy zestful life. But do I REALLY have to put the effort in to get it? Can't I just remain in that holiday loop dreaming and writing it down?
Successful people of course reject this way of thinking. The fun is in the action. Doing something with a purpose and energy means it doesn't feel like work. It is just what you do. That's the gold right there. The holy grail.
And what of today? The first day of the rest of your life? Except it was like the others. Did you do the same job? Follow the same path? Think the same way? Did you make any changes to normal? Did it follow the pattern as 2016?
Me? I 'worked from home'. A lethal challenge for an arch procrastinator and recovering 'alkie'. Why? Well because at any given time the 'black cloud' of fear & low self esteem can strike, Rendering any positive actions like wading through treacle. Then when you sprinkle a little 'overwhelmed as to which direction, what to do' into the mix - essentially crippling you into inertia.
These of course are ideal conditions to engage in full avoidance and procrastination. After all, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow/next week/month/year? Trouble is by avoiding it doesn't actually make the problem go away, it just hides it for a while and actually makes it grow until it reaches colossal proportions. Putting things off may feel comfortable but it's the worst thing you can do. The fear is winning then. "That's right my little fear ridden bitch. I've got you now" The fear will say to you. Owning you like a BDSM master whipping his little gimp.
Today was a bit of a struggle if I'm honest. The motivational messages I've written on my wall to get up and out and not procrastinate are easily ignored. Ok, I've not been well but it's still so easy to sit in bad habits. So, I did a little 20 min Home work out and went for a 1 hour walk. It was something and whilst I haven't exactly setting the world on fire. Some kind of progress.
The point is today, its Ok not to feel amazing. So I haven't launched into the year like a rocket. I haven't got the level of success I see others on social media (the age old awful phenomenon of compare and despair) So I haven't yet become the ultra lean n clean healthy guru (I may never be) - but I did OK, I didn't catastrophise. I didn't fuck everything and run (F.E.A.R) I just did what you guys did today. Just got on with things.
It's not a 9/10 day but it's not a 1/10 write off. Perspective Nicholas, it's a good thing sometimes.
If you survived today you're a legend. If you are maintaining you're goals from Saturday night you are incredible and I salute you. If you've broken them already and feeling despondent then fuck that. Get back on it tomorrow or message me and i'll set you straight.
We are all warriors. We are all legends so I want you all to finish reading this and repeat to yourself, quietly or loudly if you want (especially if you're in a packed train carriage) -
"I'M a MASSIVE FUCKING LEGEND and I'M DOING OK"
Love you all very much
Nicholas Edward Evans
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