Dear Mum (and all other Mother's out there)
Some people aren't fortunate to have mothers. Some lost them when they were young, some didn't have one at all. Others have lost them more recently or have ones who are selfish and unkind.
Luckily I have you.
Mothers are easily taken for granted. When you are a child you think Mums are everything. Your nurse, your teacher, your bank, your cook, your cleaner, your taxi. You literally did everything for me and made it look so effortless.
I can remember so many times when I was ill and you stroked my hair or just to hear the words 'oh my darling' made me feel better. Your chocolate cake was superb, even better when I got to lick the bowl out (no dirty jokes from me at this point) you made every Christmas and birthday memorable, were always available, maternal, caring and nourishing and I consider myself to have nothing but great memories of being a child. Apart from the cleaning.
Then the dreaded teenage years. As a boy you obviously are embarrassed by your mum. Wanting to rebel and do boys things. These are difficult years but you always provided, gave me food, money and love. You ignored the stash of adult mags under my bed and never complained about rizlas in my desk draw.
Obviously having an alcoholic husband/Dad didn't help. Such difficult times that only now, 14 years into recovery and as an adult do I appreciate and understand fully.
You had to raise 2 children single handedly, you had to buy a house, give up on your dreams with your own clothes shop, get a sales job, provide, fight and do it all on your own. Remarkable. You had to be both parents as one.
You never seemed to moan, you never seemed to be down, you never did self pity. You were relentless and always available, interested and strong. What a fucking powerhouse!
I remember you teaching me how to drive. Trying to teach a 17 year old know it all like me anything must have been challenging;
"slow down darling, this is a 40 MPH speed limit."
"I'm going the speed of the road Mum!" ( I was doing 65mph)
Mum's show limitless patience, understanding and compassion when sometimes you must want to throttle your little shits of children.
You provided for me all throughout University, securing a grant for me that I shamefully and ungratefully spent on Colt 45 and Gin. Sorry!
You have been there throughout my adult years. Throughout every relationship (and there have been a few) and you have always been there for the whole family.
You cared for your mum for years. Every Christmas without fail you showed up for Nan. You cared for her until the end. Your sense of right and duty is impeccable. Strong family values that you never give up on.
Everyone who has met you, from my friends, colleagues, comedy club regulars, AA folk and girlfriends all say the same thing;
"Isn't your mum lovely. You're so lucky to have her." I am.
I'm not going to lie at certain points throughout my life I have taken that love and care for granted. But I am lucky. I know that.
Losing a father when a boy is young is hard. You worked so hard to replace that. I think you felt a sense of guilt or shame or remorse so you worked yourself into the ground so it wouldn't have an impact. Well, let me say this. Nothing can replace a father. Nothing can replace that male bond or role model, it wasn't and isn't your job to replace him and you needn't have felt guilty.
You more than made up. You more than did your best. I never went short, I always got what I wanted (apart from a BMX with Whitewall tyres and mushroom grips I had to make do with Halfords - oh wo with me) - We never really noticed and that it is to your eternal credit.
You have done more than your share and continue to do it. If I ever get my act together (I know I'm knocking on a bit at 43 to give you a grandchild) and become half the parent you have been I would have been doing well.
You've had your knocks. You've had your hardships. Cancer, Addiction, alcoholism and mental illness has had a debilitating effect on the family but you still stand strong. A 5ft 5 matriarch. A tower of strength and spirit. A wonderful generous, warm, caring person whom everyone loves. (In fact all of my exes are your friends and regularly call for a chat. They all love you)
You are a Mum's Mum. I've always said you should open up a business called Rentamum.com for people who don't have Mum's or who cant talk openly to theirs. You are always ready to listen and chat. I know I can tell you anything (well somethings I won't of course)
It's only when you become an adult that you realise Mum's are people in their own right. You have your own feelings, dreams, aspirations. Something you just don't realise when young.
Being a Mum or a parent isn't something you learn from a rulebook. Some are good and some not so, but nearly all do their best. I'm just lucky I have a warm, caring and generous one like you.
Yes, I'm not going to lie, sometimes the flashy, charismatic, alcoholic father is headline grabbing as a role model to a young boy. Boy's want to be their Dad/s and daughters their mothers. But as I've got older I have come to realise that most women are stronger than us bullshiter males and behind every man probably lies a greater woman. You have remarkable strengths that you underplay and are somewhat underestimated.
So today is a day dedicated for mothers. But like any day that's become commercialised it's not just about one day is it? It's about every day. To learn and appreciate what has been passed down to me and given to me. To appreciate you.
For new mothers experiencing it for the first time it must be such a joy, for older mother's with grown up children looking at a new generation of grandchildren it must be such a wonderful feeling to sit back, look at the new-born and new mothers, see their excitement and wonder and think, "thank Christ all mine are grown up"
For single mothers out there I salute you. For people who have recently lost their mother's I hug you. For those of you with mothers who are horrors I console you.
All that remains to be said is that I have a wonderful mother. She is kind and considerate, generous with time and money and always interested in you sometimes to the detriment of herself. She would rather see you go with and her without than the other way round.
If you are reading this and need a little motherly love, she goes out at a tenner for a quick phone call, £25 for a Skype session, £50 for Sunday lunch, £75 for a one to one sit down and chat 'with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit', £100 for a graduation, £150 to meet the new in-laws and £200 for a wedding. Bargain i'd say.
You are the best Mum, but then again we all say that to ours don't we? But you really are.
Love you very much and all mothers out there have a marvellous day
Nicholas Edward Evans
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