Running your own business is a challenge. I commend anyone who does it, has tried, has succeeded or is thinking of doing it. It is a leap of faith. Scary. Exciting. Inspirational. Difficult.
If like me you have grown tired of working for yet another faceless corporate entity that cares little for your welfare or personal development then you are in the right place.
No longer do we want to put in 30 years service to get a carriage clock and a wet send off party. Most companies simply don't give a toss. It's about the bottom line and they will stop at nothing to fuck you over at the drop of a hat. That's business. It's fair enough. Just the way of the world. No point in railing against it. The only thing to do is action. That action is do something yourself. Run your own business.
Of course you can go down the one man band 'consultancy' route. Which is effectively a cop out. Relying on your personal bullshit skills lasting longer than the company employing your services finding out. A game of cat and mouse.
Then you can go down the 'franchise' route. Which again is effectively working for someone else with a fancy title. A safety net helping you do your own thing. This isn't really running your own business. It's effectively riding a bike but with stabilisers. Man up.
The real hard core inspiration launch something unique. Whether it be a service, a manufacturing thing, retail, IT, new idea, product or launch. Your own business is for the hard core and my respect is absolute.
This is what I'm attempting to do at the moment and it's hard. It's One thing having a good idea, totally another to make a business out of it. So I thought I would share with you my top ten tips for running your own business. So sit back, relax, put Sky + on pause, put down that Iphone, close the curtains, slip into your onsie and enjoy The Nick Evans Guide To Running Your Own business. If you are thinking of doing it, this guide may give you some handy hints;
1 - Conception
You have to start with an idea. Usually these come to you in the middle of the night surrounded by friends in the middle of a long and heavy drinking session. This is where all the best ideas come. Everyone knows that. The trick here is to write it down in a reasonably legible state so you can read it the next day. If you are drinking with teachers or doctors don't let them write it down as a monkey with no hands has better hand writing than them.
2 - Run it past an Expert.
Once you have remembered your idea, shaken off your hangover you are ready to proceed. Be sure to run your idea past a professional, or if you cannot find one, 'a bloke down the pub' will do. It is well known that 'bloke down the pub' is the oracle of all information and running a business idea past him is sound advice. Forget the fact he is kitted head to toe in Lonsdale clothing and is trying to sub a tenner from you until his Giro comes. He knows his onions on the business front and claims to have taught Richard Branson everything he knows. It must be true. Another Bloke down the pub said.
3 - Business Plan
To set up you need a plan. It's important to know where you are going, what you need to get there and how much you can earn from your business. Most new business' fail because of a lack of tight and clear planning. It's best to put together several concepts and ideas in your head and when someone asks you where your business plan is, merely tap the top of your head, smile arrogantly and say "it's all in these top 3 inches sunshine".
For the more undisciplined it is also good to write planning lists for what you need to do to make a plan. This is called a pre plan planning list. It is best to do this endlessly and bore the arse off anyone who will listen and say 'I need a plan' every day whilst avoiding doing one. In the end resort to saying 'Fuck it, lets play snooker. I'll do it tomorrow'.
4 - Start up
Any new business person worth their salt will of course spend endless hours, time and money and getting the uneccessaries right before anything else. This usually involves a fancy logo, stationary, website, twitter feed, office, mood lighting, sofas & most crucially business cards. These are crucial in the start up phase as you can then impress people with the fact you are running your own company. They don't actually know you haven't got any business, money, orders, plan, funding, idea of where your going but your name as 'owner' is on the business card so it makes you look good and that's the most important thing of course. Status.
5 - Funding
A massive part of any new business. Clearly you try to ponce off as many friends, family members and associates as possible. Blinding them with enthusiasm, bluster and bullshit but little in the way of hard facts and figures. This usually gives you a few months 'poncing' money grace before the cold hard reality of those boring things like 'cashflow', 'turnover' & 'sales' rear their head.
Don't worry about that now. That's for the future. Any good business person will tell you not to forecast 6 or 12 months into the future. Live for today and as long as you have enough money for the coffee machine you'll be OK.
If you need to see a bank to secure a loan or overdraft, be sure to take your carefully constructed business plan that you've just written on the back of an Indian Takeaway menu. This is sure to impress the bank manager with your cavalier attitude and irreverence. Be sure to also tap your top 3 inches and come over all smug and arrogant. They are bound to sign off a £100k loan there and then.
If this fails you can always go down the investment route. Try not to target successful hard ass business people who will grill you for several hours and expect lots of preparation. Instead target frail and vulnerable wealthy individuals who are either senile or on the verge of insanity. Tip here is to make sure you get the signature before they are certified insane.
6 - Motivation and Discipline
Once you have set up and you are trading, for all self employed people the age old difficulty of discipline and motivation crops up. When you work for someone else it is almost mandatory to loaf around on their time pretending to work. Safe in the knowledge you will get your pay check at the end of the month. When you work for yourself you can piss about all you want, take time off and generally mince about like lord of the manor. Trouble is there is no pay check at the end of the month which of course leads to huge financial insecurity and fear.
In order to motivate yourself simply do a few shots at breakfast time. This will get you firing for the day then end up passively aggressively calling prospects with a vague hint of desperation in your voice. If this doesn't work take to reading endless self help books and business guru books on how to make a success of your business. This will eat up the working day and mean that you can knock off at 5 safe in the knowledge you have done something constructive in the day,
I suggest the Power of Now as a great motivating book. I got it several months ago but haven't got round to reading it yet. Instead I'm thinking of writing an alternative 'The Power of Later'. But I haven't got round to doing that either.
7 - Working Day & Time Management
Another tricky one for the self starter. It's always best to start the day with a positive. As soon as you wake up write a list of things to do for the day. That way you can castigate yourself at the end for not doing any. Be sure to keep adding to the list daily until you have at least 1000 items by the end of the week & your brain is totally fried and esteem on the floor.
Then after a long lazy breakfast & read of the paper switch on your computer. It's now time to work. Well after you've knobbed around on Facebook for a while and checked out funny clips of Dogs speaking like humans on You Tube. Then catch up on the latest sports gossip and text some friends it should now be time for 'Sweeney' and 'Minder' on ITV 4 which should take you up to mid morning.
Here it is time to squeeze in a couple of emails before you head to the gym. After all a healthy body means healthy mind. Tell yourself you'll go hard at it this afternoon as you punish yourself with a 2 hour work out. By the time you have had a post work out sauna, shower and lunch/coffee with a pal it is now mid afternoon.
Head home in time to catch 'Bargain Hunt' and 'Dickensons Real Deal'. If your lucky you may catch 'Grand Designs' on More 4 or 'Midsummer Murders' in ITV 3. This is known as down time to get your mind rested and clear to begin your working day, It is crucial at this point to put in a work call, Anything just try and make it some kind of work related so you can feel better about things for the day.
By now it is teatime and you are ready for some crumpets, cup of tea and the crossword. It is so important to keep your brain active. The 6 O'clock news distracts you from this, meaning it is the end of the working day and time for 'you time'. 2 emails and a phone call mean it has been a productive day and you should reward yourself with a bottle of wine or a night out with friends. Well done. You deserve tomorrow off.
8 - Sales
These are crucial in running your own business. If you have some then you have succeeded in the 1st challenge. It means you actually have a product & business. The main tip in securing sales is to do the minimum amount of work for maximum money. Be sure to actually take money from a sale. Don't fall into the trap so many if us do of when someone expresses an interest, note this down internally as a guaranteed sale and start spending wildly before the deal is done. It 'ain't a deal until the money's in the till.
9 - Customers
An unfortunate by product of a sale. It means you actually have to deal with people and be nice to them. The problem with customers is generally they want you to actually do something for the money they pay you. This can have a massive effect on your day and will invariably mean you have to Sky + Midsumer Murders or watch Dickenson Real deal on Iplayer.
10 - Cashflow
The thing that closes most new business'. You may have sales in the pipeline or the P&L sheet may look good but if you haven't got any cash then you can't trade. The simple way around this is to borrow heavily, live entirely on credit cards, ponce off as many people as you can, lie or attach yourself to a wealthy partner who can bale you out and help you continue your image as a self employed successful business person in control of their own destiny.
11 - Plan B.
It is important to have a back up plan in case your business fails. Euro Lottery.
I hope you have found some handy tips in how to run your own business. All you really need to do is the total opposite of the above and you are guaranteed to be a success.
Good luck fellow Business owners. This time next year Rodney's we'll all be millionaires.
The Nick Evans
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