Day 200, Christ how amazing is that? The only thing I've kept up for 200 days solid is breathing, blinking, having morning glory, smoking, not drinking, having sideburns and now a daily blog. It's a powerful list. I would have included masturbating to that list, but my wanking habits is just too far, besides i know there are some OAP's who read this blog. Don't want to cause another bout of angina do i?
God knows what they would have thought about 'When Tranny Met Granny', and i 've left alot of my murky past behaviour out of this public domain. There's only so far you can talk about BDSM and group sex. Besides my Mum reads this blog. (Sorry mum)
Some say I've revealed too much of my thoughts about work, personal life and alcoholism. I suppose people are entitled to their opinion, but really what is the point in keeping up a daily blog without putting some kind of truth and honest inner feeling behind it?
If anyone has read day one of this blog (seems like a lifetime ago yet time has passed too quickly), my preamble said at times i will reveal too much, at other times it will be boring, some entries funny and some negative and depressive. It's a snapshot of me i suppose and I'm pretty open , complex, needy, depressive, emotional, negative, enthusiastic, funny and sad. Like most of us i guess, except of course only better and sometimes worse (all in my mind of course)
It's been an interesting journey so far. I have enjoyed writing, and i get a real pleasure when someone says they laughed out loud, identified or felt compelled to email me to ask for help (2 people have asked about drinking too much) Some cried when they read my entry about my father, it helped to write about my Beautiful Nan, and made me realise what great qualities she had.
It made me feel deeply about my spiritual home, Llanelli and see the humour and desperation in the place. Almost as a metaphor for how Britain is in 2012.
Yes there is all the hullabaloo about the Olympics but there are serious problems in this country. Race, poverty, obesity, addiction, fragmenting attitudes, no time for people, depression, illness, rich and poor, greed, honesty, double standards.
In my opinion it was all over when Woolworth's went under. That's when the country became fucked. I mean who doesn't remember going in there and stealing fuck loads of pic and mix, like a right of passage. Gaping at all the toys and squeezing past overweight aunties looking after their nephews and nieces in the school holidays.
I digress though, this is not a mouthpiece. I am not political or indeed a social commentator. Anyone who likes Flog it and regularly gets viruses on his computer because of his fondness for 'SuperJugs USA.com, can't really position himself as a serious observer of societies ills. Plus of course i display many of the things that have become wrong. It would be totally hypocritical of me to criticise, though to be fair it's never stopped me in the past.
No, 200 days is a good figure. Mid summer, there are 3 days of sun forecast, I'm feeling OK so the world is a decent place today.
What have i learnt in 200 days? Well to persevere, try to write succinctly, be reasonably honest and try to inject humour where i can. I've learnt that my patterns of thinking and behaviour are cyclical and then come around pretty often, both good and bad.
I've learnt I'm well loved though find it difficult to see this and accept it. I've learnt i have terrible low self esteem at times and that others do to. I've learnt i hold myself back with awful procrastination and fear but i seem to find a way to get there eventually. I have learnt that family is important and we can learn alot from the 'old school'.
I've learnt theres more than one way to eat a Kit Kat, that many of us are scared and sad and in need of help. I've learnt i am lucky to have AA and i have learnt above all else that no matter what, never ever give up on something even if your head tells you it's no good.
I have learnt that no matter if you believe or not, there is a higher power and in the immortal words of Terry from Bury, all i need to know about it, Nick, is that you;re not fucking it.
Thanks so much for reading so far, Keep on the journey bloggers and tell me what you've learnt so far this year?
x
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