Woke up with a U2 song in my head, not sure if it was the right lyrics but 'Monday fucking Monday' was buzzing around.
Now before you read on if anyone takes offence at swear words i'd click off now and go onto to Facebook. I woke in a mood that was darker than a Beyonce's snatch.
It's a fucking good job i've taken on my Nan's attitude traights in being positive, hopeful and grateful. I looked outside, saw the slashing rain and grey clouds and was struck with 2 thoughts.
1. Go back to bed
2. Kill myself.
I made a cup of tea instead. #Compromise.
Switched on the news and the weather woman was doing a forecast for the day outside Wimbledon tennis holding an umbrella saying it was raining. Really? Thought number 3. Kill her.
I'm so pleased my new attitude was holding sway. As my Nan often said 'no -one likes a moaner', i didn't moan when i put on my suit only to find that 3 days of ultra Victoria sponge stuffing has made it uncomfortably tight.
I didn't moan when there were no fucking seats on the commute into the city
I didn't moan when i got to the office and the deathly jingle of keyboards tapping, calls being made, air conditioning humming and Ciro Citerio suits chaffing made me want to jump out of the window.
I didn't moan when i had to Queue to get into the queue in M&S at lunchtime to get some lunch in Moorgate. A triple Queue, the first of it's kind.
I didn't moan when i got piss wet on the way to a networking event in the city after work because of this miserable fucking summer cunting motherfuking shitbag weather.
I didn't moan that i had to go to said networking event to plaster a fake smile on my face and talk to people in a forced way about business. Faking that i was remotely interested in what they did before trying to explain what i did with about as much enthusiasm as Jimmy Carr does for tax.
Is it me or do others hate 'networking'. Even the word makes me puke. Gathering with people you'd spend 364 days a year cheerfully ignoring on the tube only to have to talk to them whilst being constantly offered tiny quiches. Networking what exactly ? Business? Can we not just call it talking? 'I'm going to a talking event' tonight would be much more pallatable. As if networking wasn't awful enough they've come up with 'speed networking'. God. Nauseating. I wouldn't mind it so much if everyone was freebasing amphetamine and talking shit really quickly, but most of the chat was about 'mutual beneficial partnerships' and 'leveraging'.
The only mutual beneficial partnership i wanted was with my bed. Today was a day to lock myself away from the world so i didn't do or say anything harmful. I need to be quarantined in moods like this. The beast was alive but with the mood of a woman who was on a family sized period. Moody fucker.
I was constantly telling myself to lighten up and that my head was far worse than reality. As is often the case the head takes hold of the thoughts and they run away into a sea of shit making it difficult to think of anything else.
Luckily the final couple of people i chatted to were human, a real laugh and suddenly i found myself talking to people like humans, with banter, jokes and laughter. It lifted me and i was OK again. Simple.
Suddenly the moaning within stopped. I had a little moment from the station to the car as i got monumentaly pissed on, and i thought of railing against God but realised the futility and utter small minded banality of doing such a thing.
Rail at God for povery, injustice or death. Not that it rained on you in your 500 metre walk to your car to drive home. I mean how out of persepctive do i get? People are literally being carved up in the world, folk walking the poverty line, illness everywhere, countries in civil war, Murray rained off at Wimbledon. There's some big shit going on and theres me moaning about my bouffant being flattend in the rain. Get a grip Evans.
I even caught the last half an hour of the Tour De France highlights for a barnstorming Cavendish win, and felt to all intents and purposes reasonably human.
Thank fuck this new attitude is holding up. I managed to wrestle it back. Just. I Didn't moan out loud. Wasn't rude to anyone, didn't kill myself or anyone else, turned up for work, showed my face at networking. As they say in AA, even when you really don't want to 'suit up, boot up, show up'.
I showed up today, and thats the best i could do
xx
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