2012 was going to be a big year. I turn 40 in September, though i couldn't really give two fucks about that. Just a number isn't it? It's Olympic year too, Jubilee aswell, so I started off in Dubai, hatching the plan to run a 3 hour 30 min Marathon for Action on Addiction charity, and i write a daily blog to chart my training. It was really to see if i could change my patterns of behaviour and push myself, discipline myself to run quicker than before. The blog was a record of my journey on that and of course such a historic year.
In that respect i failed. I didn't really change my usual marathon training, kept my same old same old patterns and resulting got exactly what is normal for me. A 3 hour 49 marathon. 20 minutes off of my goal, though deep down i knew it was unrealistic with my training. That is my natural time. With enough discipline and focus i could have got quicker, and i was slightly disappointed with my attitude. I didn't feel i changed enough.
Having said that, i kept up my writing every day and it covered other points in my life at the time which proved to be a solace and also help with my writing and development of a style. I suppose you could say my style is quite 'heart on sleeve'. I write as i speak. Hence the steady flow of swear words. I have enjoyed the process. Sometimes it has been a ball ache, sometimes really enjoyable.
I have experienced a really close friend suffering from extreme alcoholism which was stressful, death of my grandmother, moved house a couple of times, a family member with severe mental illness, run the marathon, raised £2.5k for charity & developed a massive understanding of stationary. It;s been quite a year.
It;s called life i guess. Sometimes up and sometimes down. When down, it feels like it will never end. The thoughts of 'where's my turn?' 'What about my good news' kicks around. But in the scheme of things whats a few weeks or months or even years in a lifetime? I am not immune from life and it is all part of the learning journey.
I am still left with all my old insecurities, worries and fears. Sometimes these are louder in Radio Nick FM than other times. I am used to them, but sometimes it would be nice for the constant chatter in my head to quieten. Maybe that is the goal for the next 6 months?
And what of the final part of the year? Cliche time - it has gone uber fast already. Soon it will be the Olympics, then my 40th, then Autumn, then Christmas. My god am i speed or something. Where does the time go?
I am not great on goals and focus. Always shying away form them feeling that i will spontaneously sort myself out. I think maybe over the next few days (when i get a couple of days) it would be useful to challenge myself on that and try to set some goals and focus. Turn into one of those people i hate, who work to a strategy. Perhaps that would help me.
Truth is i just want to be a natural genius and have amazing stuff fall into my lap. Then again i also wish i had a 10 inch cock.
No point in wishing for things i can't have. May aswell learn to love the things i have and work for the others.
And of you think about it, be careful for what you wish for. If i had a 10 incher, i wouldn't be able to wear tight jeans, running would be difficult and there would be no guarantee being able to get a hard on. It would probably effect the blood supply to my brain, causing black outs and therefore i wouldn't be able to drive or indeed do sport, so i would probably get so depressed I'd start eating myself obese. Then I'd never get laid, so i would get really depressed and start drinking and taking drugs, before long I'd be unemployed and skint and then I'd have to kill myself. So it's probably best that i don't have a 10 inch cock. I'm OK as i am. Probably.
So, if i was a teacher I'd give the first 6 months of 2012 a B- i think. Some great things, some grumpy things, some painful things, some happy things. Just life bundled into one.
Murray won today so the Daily Mail mania continues. It pissed down of course #standard. It's a year ago the riots happened, there is talk of anniversary rioting in London, though no-one will do that in this weather. You need extreme heat to riot, teenagers are such lazy fuckers they won't bother to go looting in the rain.
I worked in Essex, loved being in traffic for 3 hours, got myself out on Richmond hill to do my first run in 10 days which felt good and furiously wrote down material i will forget at my comedy night tomorrow. MMMM, maybe i should try and change in the next 6 months, but at least i'm not Tom Cruise. He needs abducting that man. Quickly.
Teachers report. Good start to year, wobbly middle, shows good stamina, mus apply himslef better. Procrastination is a problem but tight jeans are not. Good pupil but could do better
B-
xx
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