After 3 cups of tea, 2 silk cut, gratitude list, prayer, another tea and another silk cut i was ready for the day. Well, when i say ready, my eyes were open, i was awake, my legs were moving and I'm breathing so that will have to do.
I got to the station and vowed to myself to have more clarity, focus, clear headed determination, professionalism and drive. I immediately left my brolly in the shop and my change. Fuck that I'll do focus tomorrow, clearly I'm still in spaceman land.
It's a big day today. London officially becomes an Olympic town as all Olympic athletes fly in to settle into the Olympic village. The Olympic lanes are open creating chaos is on the roads, massive delays, it's pissing down with rain, the security is a right royal fuck up, the Government are arguing, the circle line's fucked and there are now 8.1 million people living in the City without enough room. Welcome to London Olympiads! We hope you enjoy your stay.
The weather caused a huge problem for me today. Recently i took the bold step to go for an 80's 'wedge' haircut, with blond bits on the top and shaved at the sides. This means i have to bouffant it up to get a good quiff and to do this now requires loads of hairspray.
Now anyone following this blog will know 2 things. 1 - I am incredibly vein and care far too much on how i look and 2 - Am incredibly Eco friendly. This creates a problem, as hairspray is obviously unfriendly on the ozone and environment.
So i had to ask myself some searching questions. Do i really care more about the environment than me? Is it that important to get a high quiff than to save the ozone? We are merely visitors to this beautiful planet and does it really matter what we look like, it's whats inside that counts, right?
I searched deep within and knew the right answer. Fuck the ozone, i want big hair. Sod paying over the odds for ecologically green hairspray, that's a sodding fortune. Give me a large 'Silverkin' anyday.
I've got a feeling the barnet is looking slightly dodgy, and i was having a bad hair day. You know, no matter how many efforts you have at styling it, it just looks shit, like a birds nest that's been shat on. But even i wasn't prepared for the catastrophic turn of events i was to experience later today.
There seemed to be a huge coming together of elements that was to prove disastrous. First it was the rain, then the high wind and both these natural elements added with massive amounts of hairspray to give me whats known in the trade as a 'Trump'. A huge sprawling nest on my head.
Now for anyone unfamiliar with 'The trump'. it is extraordinary. Like 5 haircuts in one. A comb over, a teddy boy quiff, a drag forward, a flick back and then a sweep all around. All to cover up a bald spot.
it is unbelievable. It should be displayed in museums after he's gone. Children will queue up, point at it and say 'did people really have their hair like that Mummy'. No darling, only Donald Trump.
He loves a bit of hairspray, it's only that and pure ego that's keeping it together. It's only because he is a billionaire that he gets away with it. An ordinary man on the street wouldn't be able to get past primark before people would collapse in fits of laughter.
I admire his commitment to 'the trump' as he's had it for so long. Even Ivana started to copy it a little when they were married. It's a powerful statement.
So, late in the day when i was pissed on for the umpteenth time and wind was sweeping, i noticed as i walked past a shop window that my hair had morphed into a Trump. It was a disaster. How will i get back to my house and not a hat in sight?
Maybe i can launch a hairstyle called 'the evans'? It was like a comb over with a quiff and wraparound nest. Extraordinary. I hurried home immediately.
A bad hair day got worse, only thing to do on such days is lock yourself away. DO NOT enter into a social enviroment for fear of humilaition, ride out that bad hair day, get some sleep and come back tomorrow.
I'm sure the Trump will be gone. For me, but not for him, he commits to it every day. A 'Trump' is not a fad or a phase, like a 'Beckham' or a 'Hoxton Fin'. Oh fuck no, 'A Trump' is a way of life. A commitment to hair and ridiculousness. It's a commitment to ego, slef importance. He's basically saying 'Hey i know i look a twat but i'm only doing that because i'm well rich and famous and important. I just want to show you no-one can touch me even though i look like a massive knobhead"
A Trump is for life people not just Christmas
xx
Sounds like you need to invest in a serious hat!
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