Day 192 - Weds 11th July - Buffet Bars v Scotch Eggs

I'd just like to say the letterheads arrived today. If you haven't heard it on Sky news, you're hearing it now. Jackie sorted it. She regular updated with the courier, on a headset all the way, almost like she was air traffic control guiding home an aircraft to land.

They turned up at 3pm, there was a slight panic they wouldn't hit the 5pm deadline, but in the end we all drew a sigh of relief. Jackie said they were supposed to turn up at 1pm, but the courier stopped off on the M1 for a buffet bar. Must have been the size of a barge if it took 2 hours to scoff one.

This cued a mass debate (fnarr fnarr) in the office between Buffet bar & Scotch eggs? There is only one winner. I mean who the fuck eats buffet bars. They are a monstrous  invention. They are basically a scotch egg, pork pie and pasty all merged into one long turd shaped and looking savoury snack. I'd rather eat my own cock. They are filth.

I mean how can you eat one? its like a fried pigs cock. Or a finger. It's filth and Ginsters should be ashamed of themselves.

Some people didn't even know what one was. They were 28 years of age for Christ sake and had never tried one. Sheltered existence. They were lucky.

It's got to be a scotch egg right? I mean who doesn't like them. Round little bastards with breadcrumbs, sausage meat and an egg in the middle. Whats not to like?They are a food that is nigh on impossible to look composed when eating. You have to open your whole mouth, extend your jaw like a massive yawn and then nosh down on meat and egg. It is not a snack for a first date.

They were my favourite food when i was a kid, and i just love the whole concept of a scotch egg. Even creating London marathon history when i became the only finisher in 30 years to cross the line holding one (My mate chucked me one on mile 20, not the easiest food to digest on distance running, may as well try and eat your trainers) in 2005.

Recently some knobs have tried to gourmet them up. Placing quails eggs inside etc and selling them for a fiver,. Talk about betraying the roots of the egg. That's like fucking with the bible. Scotch eggs have mystical powers and trying to ponce them up  is just wrong. Bad karma man.

Must everything become bespoke and gourmet. Gourmet Burgers, Gourmet sausage and mash. Gourmet chips. Whats happening to us? Pubs are now Gastro pubs, CAFES are a dying bread and everything is either organic or Fair trade. Fuck that i don't care if it was picked by small children on 10p a year. i want it cheap, basic and available. I admire people who have a social conscience and campaign against big brands. They regularly fuck small people over, but at the end of the day if I'm being really honest i don't give a fuck. I know it's horrid, but how many of you do and do something about it. Buying Fair trade whilst dressed in leather slip ons and a nike t-shirt. #liberal PC hypocirites.


So, really if the sum total of my news is that letterheads arrived then i should either find a new life, stop writing the blog or kill myself. I'm off to bed to consider.

If there is no blog tomorrow send in the suicide squad

Let me know what your dullest work task is. I feel we should celebrate mudanity in the work [;ace so we can all agree how utterly futile it is

Night
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