Have you ever tried to do something every day for a year? Other than things like breathe, blink, brush teeth, not drink etc? I tell you it's hard keeping something up. (Insert Viagra joke here)
I vowed to write a daily blog for 2012. First as a training log for the marathon, then as a historical guide for a historic year. The Jubilee, the Olympics and my 40th birthday. For Queen and country and everything in between.
Sometimes you get stuck. Uninspired. I mean how many times can you write, woke up, wanked, went to work, came home, wanked off again, went to bed, crammed wank in before sleep. slept, before you and everyone reading loses the will to live?
I have covered many subjects in his blog. Some very sad and personal, some rather angrily, some funnily and some mundanely. It is hard to keep it fresh every day but I am deeply proud of my writing. Sometimes i read what i have written the next day and i am genuinely surprised how well it is written, even making myself laugh. Not arrogantly in a Roger Federer 'God aren't i amazing' kind of way, but in genuine surprise and joy. I like it.
So today after a long few days/weeks without a break. When i am mentally and physically exhausted i had nothing in my head. Not one idea. I should imagine it is what it's like to be Cheryl Cole. Tumbleweed was blowing in there. I didn't even have the urge to chart my dull Monday.
So, i decided on a competition day. Throwing it open to the world to send in themes for the day. Every Monday will be theme day from now on and boy did i have a few. Ranging from Katie Holmes & Cruise (Risky Business that one), to John Terry's Race case (only 1st day plenty of time for that) to Dogging for the elderly (I have to have a dream) all the way to Top 10 celeb's i'd like to punch (can i do top 100 instead?)
But there was one i had to tackle. Dangerous and one i should stay well clear of. I picked it for 2 reasons. 1 - Because there is mostly a stereotypical view to PMT and i know fuck all about it, so maybe i will learn something and 2 - Rachel Curran picked it and she's got loads of followers so my blog will be read by a whole new audience, so if this is the first time you're reading my blog stick with it every day for the rest of the year and join my journey like we're in some kind of weird mass Scientology marriage. I promise i will make you laugh occasionally and I'd like to think in my own strange way touch you. Not inappropriately or sexually of course, I'll leave that to John Leslie, but in a human way. So read on. Deep breath, Here goes. i could well be on the verge of alienating my entire female following.
PMT
I'm a bloke. I'm ignorant. I could play that wanky 'not offend and be PC' card. You know like the sort of guy that plays along with being 'caring' of your feelings, like a best male pal, but secretly he just wants to jump your bones. Those type of blokes are true wankers. At least you know where you stand with the misogynists, yes they are repugnant girls but at least they;re honest. I should know I've been both.
I could hide behind the 'isn't PMT awful for girls' card and win the female vote, but that's not me. I'm not being being true to myself then. I'm neither Arthur nor Marthur, i think i stand somewhere in between, which worryingly makes me a trannie. Thats not a good start.
PMT is a mysterious world to men. We shrug it off and make light of it. When a woman is moody or snappy the standard response is 'time of the month', and men have a good giggle. Kind of condescending isn't it and i bet drives women nuts.
It has a similar social standing to a bloke being kicked in the nuts. Hurts like fuck but everyone else laughs their knackers off.
When Murray hit the ball into Tsonga's Gonads at Wimbledon last week, he curled up liked he'd been shot, yet we all laughed. Why? Because it;s funny, unless of course you're the one who's been hit. I should imagine it's the same for women with PMT. Everyone else finds it rather amusing than the sufferer who wants to machine gun everyone.
So what actually is it? Is it overrated? Do girls play on it a bit. I mean come on girls so you feel a little blue every month is it really a big deal? Do us guys really not understand? Lets look at the facts;
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (also called PMT) is a collection of physical and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women of child-bearing age (up to 85%) report symptoms such as bloating or breast tenderness, medical definitions of PMS are limited to a consistent pattern of emotional and physical symptoms occurring only during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle that are of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life".
What Wkipedia didn't list were other names for PMT like 'the curse', 'the painters' 'on' 'my period', or for nasty cases 'fuck off you male cunt and never come near me again you pathetic little wanker'.
So it is actually a medical condition. It happens every month (unless i am reliably informed you take the pill constantly all the time then you don't have menstrual cycle) and it interferes with life. Well how? What actually are the symptoms? Again lets hit Wikipedia
Symptoms
More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).[1] Common emotional and non-specific symptoms include stress, anxiety, difficulty in falling asleep (insomnia), headache, fatigue, mood swings, increased emotional sensitivity, and changes in libido.
Fuck me what a nightmare. Rather worryingly i display those symptoms on a regular basis. i knew my Mum pretending i was a girl for the first 2 days of my life would have long term effects. I was born with PMT. Bollocks.
Now smart men know to basically shut the fuck up, agree with & be ultra nice to their women during these times of the month. Anything else will certainly result in disaster. Either blows to the bollocks, their train sets will be smashed up or basically your life will be a misery.
I have been out with enough women to cut some slack and allow for such times, however from a woman's perspective I'm sure most girls think us men haven't got a clue How hard, how horrid, how grim it is.
I've spoken to girls and they feel fat, bloated, snappy, horrid, ugly. Basically they want to hide away for a few days and whilst they're at it cheerfully throw an axe at most blokes heads.
And us guys? Are we sensitive? Are we understanding? Are we compassionate? Are we fuck. We show about as much understanding for PMT as women do for the offside rule. There is a basic shutting down of interest/communication/brain activity in men when the words 'menstrual cycle' are used. It just doesnt compute.
We don;t even class it as a medical condition. We feel that it highlights women's weakness, in a similar way we totally underestimate childbirth. It;s just one of those things you do we think, without actually knowing the full fucking horror of it. Us men love to be as ignorant as shit and still think we own the place. It's called being a man and you girls let us think that. It works well that way. The ultimate stupidity of makind.
What if Men had PMT? If i had it? Oh Christ you'd never hear the last of it. I'd be quarantined for 3 weeks of the month for mine and everyone Else's safety. I'd have to book weeks off work, I'd argue with everyone and complain loudly all the time about stomach cramps. If anyone didn't show the slightest of sympathy i would fight them and if anyone made a joke about me, I'd be so touchy i would literally wrestle a bear with anger. And the excuses for poor performance? Football teams, 'well the lads just didn't perform today but bless them 6 of them were on the rag so we were bound to be beaten'. it just wouldn't work
In short I'd be fucking useless. I'd be a mess. I'd be arrested. I'd effectively be a walking ASBO.
Women are machines. They carry on without much in the way of complaining and just get on with things. Yes they are fucking nightmares sometimes, particulary on PMT, nagging, frustrating, weepy, emotional, unreasonable but Then again if blokes had it we would just be impossible. You girls let us live in ever lasting ignorance about it.
There is a kind of mutual unspoken understanding. As long as we understand what you have to put up with then i reckon you'll let us off. But one slip of the guard during PMT, one slight mistake, one off comment and boom John Wayne Bobbit could well become a non exclusive club.
Hope that did it Justice Rachel Curran
xx
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