The Best Sporting Day in British History
For anyone who gets offended by swearing, please turn away now;
Holy motherfucking bollocking hell. What a day. Shit the bed. Start the car. In-fucking-credible!! Oh my fucking god!!! Yes. YES YES YES YES YEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! It's like a sporting equivalent of the Meg Ryan scene in 'When Harry Met Sally', except Ryan can fuck off. It's all about the Brits today. Gold medal rush like a surge of energy rushing through the nation. We've had a positivity transplant.
Like all your best orgasms rolled into one. A multi orgasmic sportathon. An orgy of medals. Inspi-fucking-rational. And then some. What a Day. Insane. Incredible. The best sporting occasion ever. By miles. Fuck me. I'm buzzing. Feel like i want to run through walls. Countryside, Cityscape. Kiss and hug everyone, smile, shout, scream, cry. I don't even mind tweets by Chris Moyles or Piers Morgan. I know they're wankers but I'm too positive to care.
It's about being GB. I'm proud to be British today. What the medalists did has inspired the country. Everyone is on fire. I'm proud of the congestion charge. I'm proud of the Rich and poor divide, of Argos, of teenage pregnancies, of speed cameras and sky high fuel. I'm proud of our huge GDP deficit, of Lidel and self service tills. I'm proud of X factor and 'Coach Trip'. I'm proud of our weather, our static caravan holidays & endless queueing. I'm proud of mini eggs and M&S chicken drumettes. Bring it all on Boris. Hang ur arse upside down on a high wire. I don't care. I love it all.
Where the hell do you start about today? Impossible but here goes.
I was motivated and focused to watch the women's triathlon at 9am at Hyde Park. My sport, Welsh girl going for gold. It was all set up to go an support. To get inspired. To kick start a new found attitude. To see it live..........
I woke at 9am. Overslept. Fuck. TV will do.
No matter, my attitude was unaffected. Move on. Still up for it. ended up going to gym and watching on the bike. She lost, but i had the consolation of the BBC concentrating on close up arse shots of the girls on their bikes for an hour in the cycle leg all crammed into Lycra leotards with tight buns. Classic Olympic moment 1 on Super Saturday. Pleasing.
Free weights section. GB claimed 2 golds in rowing (Heavyweight cox less 4's, women's lightweight doubles) - classic Olympic moment number 2. Everyone at gym stopped to watch TV and cheer on the Brits. GB also won a silver in the men's lightweight doubles who then proceeded to drown in tears live on BBC saying they'd let everyone down. John Inverdale was forced to console them and started crying himself. Slightly Awkward TV but emotional. Olympic moment number 3 and it was only 11.50am.
It was then time to drive to Sue and Elliot's in Beaconsfield for a mass 'Peach Olympics' reunion, Peach (an old mate) was back from Rio visiting and all my old buddies gathered for BBQ, Olympics, Sing along, gathering type thing. Perfect for Super Saturday. Pals, food, kids, music, Big Screen TV, Olympic permanently on. Love, laughter, friendship and high strength continental lager (not for me) and a fridge full of coke zero. Bring it home baby,
Olympic Moment 4. The Women's team pursuit smashed the world record and brought home gold in the Velodrome in front of Paul McCartney and 7,000 screaming Brits. Amazing scenes and even that old tribute act himself couldn't bring it down. In fact the crowd sang 'hey Jude' better than him. Though he wrote it so we can all fuck off i guess.
Attentions moved to the Peach Olympics. Peach and i were captains and we picked the teams like you did at school in the playground, everyone desperate not to be the last fat kid left. carl Walsh got the honours (love you really, Big dog)
We then did a series of games team v team, including strongman, obstacle course, egg and spoon, penalty shoot out and Olympic Moment number 5. Team triathlon binge drinking relay. I MC'd and involved 3 team members boating a bottle of beer as quick as possible in relay. It made me so proud to be British as the boys really upheld what it means to be British and binge drink at a furious pace whilst putting it on their head to signify a finish. Not only but to scream out 'wahay' after doing so.
Even though i don't drink and am approaching 11 years sober tomorrow Team Evo still won the binge drinking, I'm so pleased my influence still holds in such activities.
If you don't believe it you can watch it here;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FN8j8s5fI8E&feature=plcp
Olympic Moment 6 then followed, which is possibly the funniest thing I've seen. 1 member of each team took part in 'Olympic trampolining fat bloke scotch egg eating cage fighting duel'. It kind of does what it says on the tin and basically involved a big trampoline with a safety cage (so no way out) and both fat blokes bouncing up and down trying to slam each other and eat a scotch egg the quickest. Not the easiest thing to eat anyway but less so whilst bouncing up and down.
If you don't believe it Here it is you can watch it;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKsc3YFLjBA&feature=plcp
To say it was funny is an understatement and produced tears of laughter. It definately needs to be in Olympics Rio 2016. Legendary.
Team Peach were declared winners after winning the final event, the women's shot. Basically the girls took on each other in drinking shots of sambuca the quickest. It always ends in shots. Again a classic British pastime. Congratulations to Team Peach, though Team Evans did the nation and Beaconsifeld and our sponsors, Aldi, (not Audi) proud.
It was then time for the Main event. Saturday night from the Olympic stadium. track & field under the lights and GB in the frame for some Gold. Exciting and buzzing. Could they do it. We had to wrestle the remote from the football fans who were watching Team GB v South Korea football, but that was dull as fuck and i still maintain football has no place in the Olympics.
We all gathered in the living room. The huge wide screen HD 3D was turned up loud, the decibels had been raised not just in excitement and expectation but by Sambuca and kronenbourg. Everyone was well pissed. Perfect Olympic viewing condition. The kids were in bed. The guitar was being tuned. It was all set up. It was here. It was now. It was London 2012. It was the Olympics. It was the greatest sporting event in the world. It was on and it was fucking amazing.
First Olympic moment number 7 as Jessica Ennis brought home the gold by smashing the 800m in the heptathlon, winning by a mile with 80,000 screaming her on and what felt like the entire nation. She won gold and achieved huge respect and admiration. A true athlete in doing 7 disciplines and a fine female role model for women, kids and us blokes. Big respect girl.
During this Olympic moment number 8 suprisingly happened, Greg Rutherford long jumped to a sensational gold medal. What was inspiring was that it was the first gold in that event for GB since 1964 and also the fact he was a full ginger. Inspiring ginger blokes all over the country. It was a memorable event and showed the power of the home games. Improving performance by 20-30%.
By now the stadium was pumped. The GB competitors were pumped. The country was pumped and the living room was pumped. It was incredible. Now for the Farah.
Mo headlined the evenings entertainment in the 10,000m. He was favourite and hyped. we watched nervously as they basically fucking legged it round the track 24 times at speeds i couldn't reach on a frigging bike. He hit the last lap and hit the front, sprinting clear of the field. The Africans who have owned this event couldn't catch him and on reaching the home straight it was like the whole country was pushing him on. He streaked clear, floating on the most incredible atmosphere and won gold. The place went bonkers. Everyone erupted and Mo Farah was Olympic Champion in his home games. It was Olympic moment number 9, and the best.
Again you can watch it here;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYyFguV7ceo&feature=plcp
57 minutes. 3 gold medals on the track on Saturday night infront of a TV audience of 20 million, worldwide of billions and it set the games alight. It was a moment never to forget. For the people in the stadium, for their families and friends and coach's and for my friends i was watching it with. I was so pleased to be there with everyone. It was A massive buzz and far far better than any drug I've ever taken.
I was so hyped i had to chain smoke 3 Marlboro lights to calm down #wrong. I bet Ennis, Rutherford and Farah weren't doing that in their cool down. Thats maybe the difference between Olympic champion and Pub idle.
Then Peach got the guitar and amp out, everyone joined in singing, Jason Oldman Vegas did the most superb rap (ryhming not chicken caesar) and everyone was truly getting on it. The Smiths (Bridgette and Dan not the group with Morrissey) arrived at midnight with drum kit and proper jamming stuff and the party was just getting started. It was My cue to leave. (I love being sober and it doesnt stop me doing anything but when everyone is getting proper shitted i know it;s time to leave.)
I drove home listening to the dramatic moments being replayed on the radio and smiled. A superb day all round for everything. Many many golden memories. Usually in the past it was showers, but today it was medals.
I will never forget the images of the Olympic golds won in such dramatic and emotional way this evening and today but i will never ever forget the image of 2 fat blokes jumping up and down on a trampoline eating a scotch egg and fighting. Such Olympic moments are but forever photographed on your mind. Olympic moment number 10.
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Much love
xx
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