Dear God
I know you're well busy doing stuff. Maybe you're talking to Morgan Freeman and Jim Carey about a 'Bruce Almighty 2' or even watching Euro 2012. Whatever it is God. I'm well fucked off with you.
Don't get me wrong i believe in you. I mean i didn't create the Sahara and try as i might i have fuck all control over the weather or sunsets. I don't even have control over my mouth half the time, let alone the entire globe. Though i give it a fucking good go sometimes.
Don't take this the wrong way I'm not having a pop at you because I've had a bad day. I'm not looking to blame you for me not getting that job, not winning the Euro lottery or being a world famous actor/comedian. No I'm not that small minded.
I know you have a big job on your hands. Possibly even bigger than proofing business cards for a financial services company in the City. But i need a word God. I'm really not happy.
My Nan has been nothing but a good disciple of yours for ages. 97 years in fact. She has done good, attended you're meetings in these weird places called 'Church' and has been a massively amazing human. She has given her life to the care of others and making Roast Dinners. Granted they were generally mid morning, but no matter they were still technically dinner.
So why are you making her suffer so much/? Why as today when she declined so much and was in pain and hallucinating and everything failing. Why didn't you step in? She is scared and restless, can barely speak, has an infection, thinks shes falling, has to hold onto her children's hands and is in an awful state. How much are you going to throw at her. Can't you take her now?
Is it our choice? Do we humans decide when to go? I thought you were supposed to come for people. If so can't you do it now?
She has been so incredible all her life and so doesn't deserve this long slow death. it is really upsetting her children, particularly mum, as she doesn't want to see you her suffer anymore.
I know you are not supposed to ask for specific selfish things in prayer. Money, power, love eggs. But for fucks sake God please come and sort this. She is the toughest fighter ever. She has a will for life she has no choice in having. it is part of her make up, her DNA and i need you to come and let this loose. i mean Prayer is a petition isn't it? So I'm petitioning you to take her now. Please put everyone out of their suffering.
If you do this i promise not to steal chewing gum, swear and lose my temper at Chuggers. i will never surf the Internet for hours corrupting my laptop. i will never moan about letterheads or compliment slips again. I will never forget my Nan. I will never forget her spirit, her life force, her gratitude. She told me she thanked you every day for her life. She was happy.
But now God this is distressing. She is so ill, so poorly, in such a bad way that it would be really lovely on behalf of the family, but mostly her if you can visit tonight or tomorrow and lead her by the hand and take her back to her husband. She misses him. She's missed him for 21 years. She comes from an age where you got married and stayed with that life partner forever.
Well now is the time God. I cannot decide. I cannot do anything. i don't even know if you exist for Gods sakes. (sorry) But if you do for Christs sake (sorry again) please do something, and if you don't, well this email is a waste of time. i tell you though if you listen and don't act I'm going to be really fucking angry. I'll let Alan Green loose on you God, i swear it. he's a total negative c**t and even you will want to commit Omnipotent suicide if you have to spend time with him.
So please take her with you tonight God. I will be eternally grateful and i know it will help lots of people, That's you're role right? Well get off the blower about the sequel, leave Morgan to his insurance adverts ( i agree, why the fuck does he need to do those fuckwad adverts) and come and hold her hand goodbye.
Love you Nan and hope he listens to this otherwise the kitty gets it
xx
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