7pm Sunday night. Awful isn't it?
Remember as a kid? You had to have a bath, eat dinner, do your homework and shudder at the week ahead at school? The only thing on TV was Songs of Praise or Heartbeat? You prayed for Spitting Image at 10pm then it really was suicide 30 mins later. The end of the weekend. Fuck!
Or in adulthood, it's that back to work tomorrow feeling. Especially if you have a job you don't like. Sunday night is like a slow death march. No amount of dodgy period dramas or reality TV can mask the dreaded onslaught of a new working week.
It's even worse if you take a glimpse at social media feeds of the fitness coaches and lifestyle gurus who are busy 'prepping' their meals for the week ahead ('like a boss' - yuk). Like they've some form of military check list they're going through ready to pounce up and 'ave' the week ahead at 5am tomorrow. Wankers!
Those fuckers are so motivated, prepared, planned and ready to take on the world it makes you feel sick. As you doze off your mammoth lunch and mentally run through your underwhelming week ahead, they have already cooked Thursday's mid afternoon snack and are busy finding a window on Friday AM for a power meeting about a new boot camp or Hashtag craze. Cunts.
Some of us are more content with a simple plan;
Monday - wake up, drink coffee. Wait for Friday to come. Keep breathing.
Don't think I'm bastardising plans by the way. I'm not. I may joke or seem like I hate on the entire self help and fitness industry. After-all it's much easier to do that and criticise and stay safely in low motivation unhealthy ways than embrace new ones. Pre-planning is good. Having an idea of what you want to do, helpful.
Which brings me to this week. Week 2 of 2017. Traditionally a much harder week than week 1. Week 1 is like virgin snow. All prestine and fresh. But week 2 the fresh snow is piss stained and turning to mush. Much harder to motivate yourself then isn't it?
So how can you wade through this piss stained snow in week 2?
How has your start to 2017 been? Have you given it a fair stab? Carried on as if nothing has happened and as normal? Tried to change things up or work towards a goal?
If like me, you've been poorly (Did I tell you I've had the man flu for over a week now? - I know you're bored of hearing about it) Week 1 would have been a total write off.
Well, there is only one thing for it. Forget about it. It's gone It's passed. We can't get the time back. In fact, fuck it. Leave it go. Let's change our attitude about 2017 and last week shall we?
Week 2 is where it's at. Let's start again. Fuck week 1. Everyone knows it's a piece of shit. Like an unwanted guest. A creepy neighbour you have to invite to the party to keep the peace. The green one in Quality Street. Week 1 is a wanker and everyone knows it. Fuck him. (week 1 is a he, I've decided)
Week 2 on the other hand. What a legend. He's magnificent. Great big bouffant hair, resplendent attire, deep voice, packing double figures in his pants. Week 2 pisses all over week 1. Cuckolding week 1's missus. Week 2 delivers multiple orgasms in his sleep whilst week 1 forlornly tries to raise his flaccid cock. Fuck week 1 he is history. Week 2 is taking over now boys and girls, so let's climb on the coiffered train.
Who's with me? Who's with week 2? As we bound along in his open top sports car, driving gloves clasping the wheel, with his beautifully trimmed moustache and cravat flapping in the breeze. Let us laugh and sing and dance to week 2's soundtrack (obviously Chris Rea and ACDC) and fucking do this 2017 thing. (Again) - Bring on week 2 and I will not take No for answer. Hurrah!
Nicholas Edward Evans
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Friday, January 6, 2017
Altering the Perception from dark to light - Lower self v Higher self.
Time is short today. It's 3pm. I have a flight to catch to Glasgow to help MC a friend's 60th birthday tomorrow. So I'll be brief (unnatural to me)
Today is about altering your attitude.
If, like me, you struggle with your head and attitude. I have a great solution. Say thank you.
I know it sounds wanky. But it really works.
As you may know i'm proper self obsessed and think about myself often. I'm also terminally lazy, instantly wanting to cancel plans to sit indoors, especially when it's cold. I'm also pretty unhealthy. Having a self sabotage streak so strong it makes me want to eat badly, or not at all, smoke tons, drink Diet coke, not sleep and essentially put off any kind of life plans and make me feel shit. I just hide it well beneath a rapidly decreasing 6 pack.
In essence a large part of me. My disease, my lower self or my devil, call it what you will, wants me dead, unhappy, alone or fucked up.
That's what i'm against. Not all will identify of course, but it's my truth. This always has an adverse reaction to my attitude, so I come from a position of 'fuck you', rather than 'how can I help you." My lower self is my default setting rather than my sunnier more optimistic higher self.
My mind is always on a collision course to argue and wrestle against anything that is healthy, always looking for a way out. Like a rebellious teenager. In a meeting, for example, I rarely go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Instead the arms are crossed and I hate everyone. Within 10 or 50 mins after hearing about the solution or other people talking about spiritual practices I thaw out and my mind is adjusted to 'this is good I am lucky', from 'this is dreadful I hate you'. The higher self takes over from the lower self when exposed to more healthy spiritual practices.
So, how can I do that in normal life? On my own? Changing your perception is an action that has to be practiced. It rarely just happens organically in my experience. Open mindedness, willingness and honesty are required. You have to be prepared to try.
So, take today. I don't want to go to Glasgow. I want to stay in rest, watch movies and try to help this never ending flu to go. Of course I can also use this as a great excuse to indulge in isolation and sloth and retreat into self.
I can also go, reluctantly though, without spirit, fun or enjoyment, but not showing anyone that but knowing inside how i feel. I can of course, change my attitude.
Here's a guy who has invited lots of people up to Glasgow to spend his birthday with him in a beautiful castle. It's been planned for months and he's asked me to come and also MC and be there.
Instead of buying into my initial polluted lower self thoughts, how about I buy into my second higher self ones? I am honoured to be asked, to make someone's birthday special and just be happy to be there. Which is better?
How about I say 'thank you' for asking and be grateful in my attitude. Suddenly my brow decreases and my grouch departs. That's a much lighter way to live.
Some of you have that automatically. After all we are all different people. Some more optimistic than others for example. I'm most certainly in the 'oh for fucks sake' camp, so I have to work hard to alter my attitude, shift my thinking so I become a normal human being having a human experience.
That shift is sometimes the hardest of all. From negative to positive can be a real challenge.
But we can do it people. If I can anyone can. I just can't guarantee how long it will last. I maybe singing a different tune after a 6pm EasyJet flight to Glasgow from Gatwick.
Lord help me and forgive me if I sin several times in the next few hours. Could be very funny as his blog about altered attitudes and gratitude is read out in court as he fights 4 charges of GBH against an EasyJet employee and the passenger in the seat next to him. Lower self will be flicking the V's then won't he?
It maybe as simple as repeating "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." 25,000 times until higher self wins. Whatever happens let's try and have fun along the way.
Have a great weekend troops - I'm back with the blog on Sunday
Nicholas Edward Evans
xx
Today is about altering your attitude.
If, like me, you struggle with your head and attitude. I have a great solution. Say thank you.
I know it sounds wanky. But it really works.
As you may know i'm proper self obsessed and think about myself often. I'm also terminally lazy, instantly wanting to cancel plans to sit indoors, especially when it's cold. I'm also pretty unhealthy. Having a self sabotage streak so strong it makes me want to eat badly, or not at all, smoke tons, drink Diet coke, not sleep and essentially put off any kind of life plans and make me feel shit. I just hide it well beneath a rapidly decreasing 6 pack.
In essence a large part of me. My disease, my lower self or my devil, call it what you will, wants me dead, unhappy, alone or fucked up.
That's what i'm against. Not all will identify of course, but it's my truth. This always has an adverse reaction to my attitude, so I come from a position of 'fuck you', rather than 'how can I help you." My lower self is my default setting rather than my sunnier more optimistic higher self.
My mind is always on a collision course to argue and wrestle against anything that is healthy, always looking for a way out. Like a rebellious teenager. In a meeting, for example, I rarely go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Instead the arms are crossed and I hate everyone. Within 10 or 50 mins after hearing about the solution or other people talking about spiritual practices I thaw out and my mind is adjusted to 'this is good I am lucky', from 'this is dreadful I hate you'. The higher self takes over from the lower self when exposed to more healthy spiritual practices.
So, how can I do that in normal life? On my own? Changing your perception is an action that has to be practiced. It rarely just happens organically in my experience. Open mindedness, willingness and honesty are required. You have to be prepared to try.
So, take today. I don't want to go to Glasgow. I want to stay in rest, watch movies and try to help this never ending flu to go. Of course I can also use this as a great excuse to indulge in isolation and sloth and retreat into self.
I can also go, reluctantly though, without spirit, fun or enjoyment, but not showing anyone that but knowing inside how i feel. I can of course, change my attitude.
Here's a guy who has invited lots of people up to Glasgow to spend his birthday with him in a beautiful castle. It's been planned for months and he's asked me to come and also MC and be there.
Instead of buying into my initial polluted lower self thoughts, how about I buy into my second higher self ones? I am honoured to be asked, to make someone's birthday special and just be happy to be there. Which is better?
How about I say 'thank you' for asking and be grateful in my attitude. Suddenly my brow decreases and my grouch departs. That's a much lighter way to live.
Some of you have that automatically. After all we are all different people. Some more optimistic than others for example. I'm most certainly in the 'oh for fucks sake' camp, so I have to work hard to alter my attitude, shift my thinking so I become a normal human being having a human experience.
That shift is sometimes the hardest of all. From negative to positive can be a real challenge.
But we can do it people. If I can anyone can. I just can't guarantee how long it will last. I maybe singing a different tune after a 6pm EasyJet flight to Glasgow from Gatwick.
Lord help me and forgive me if I sin several times in the next few hours. Could be very funny as his blog about altered attitudes and gratitude is read out in court as he fights 4 charges of GBH against an EasyJet employee and the passenger in the seat next to him. Lower self will be flicking the V's then won't he?
It maybe as simple as repeating "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." 25,000 times until higher self wins. Whatever happens let's try and have fun along the way.
Have a great weekend troops - I'm back with the blog on Sunday
Nicholas Edward Evans
xx
Thursday, January 5, 2017
When the True Reality of 2017 Comes into Focus....She's a little like 2016 really isnt she?
With New Year's day being last Sunday. 2017 stretched out like a Goddess. Full of hope and wonder. Full of new beginnings. She felt so wonderful. So utterly uplifting. She promised to be the ultimate date.
She stroked us and whispered beautiful nothings in our ear. She brought us tea in bed and made us scrambled egg and smoked salmon. She dived through the waves by moonlight and ran naked along a deserted beach. New Years danced provocatively to soulful Buddha beats and made us semi hard through our elasticated Xmas jogging bottoms. She made slow beautiful love to us and bought us kebab and chips after.
But then she changed. She turned up on the date after the cock teasing what's app messages of NYE 2017 She was Ok at first. On day 1 and 2, because it wasn't real. There was no work. We were still leaving the dream.
And then we went back to work. We had to face her. She turned 2017 into something horrific. She became the same as 2016. What a bitch!!!
All those aspirations of 2017 are hard to maintain when you are crushed on the 6.43am Jubilee Line, pressed up against a portly middle aged man trying to read his paper smashed into your face. The optimism of 2017 is hard to maintain When the kids wouldn't wake up or your husband leaves another militant skid-mark in the toilet. Not dancing by moonlight now are you 2017 you liar!!!!
Fantasising rather than actually doing it is so much more fun. Sure I'd like a great job, business, home, money, financial security, health, happy zestful life. But do I REALLY have to put the effort in to get it? Can't I just remain in that holiday loop dreaming and writing it down?
Successful people of course reject this way of thinking. The fun is in the action. Doing something with a purpose and energy means it doesn't feel like work. It is just what you do. That's the gold right there. The holy grail.
And what of today? The first day of the rest of your life? Except it was like the others. Did you do the same job? Follow the same path? Think the same way? Did you make any changes to normal? Did it follow the pattern as 2016?
Me? I 'worked from home'. A lethal challenge for an arch procrastinator and recovering 'alkie'. Why? Well because at any given time the 'black cloud' of fear & low self esteem can strike, Rendering any positive actions like wading through treacle. Then when you sprinkle a little 'overwhelmed as to which direction, what to do' into the mix - essentially crippling you into inertia.
These of course are ideal conditions to engage in full avoidance and procrastination. After all, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow/next week/month/year? Trouble is by avoiding it doesn't actually make the problem go away, it just hides it for a while and actually makes it grow until it reaches colossal proportions. Putting things off may feel comfortable but it's the worst thing you can do. The fear is winning then. "That's right my little fear ridden bitch. I've got you now" The fear will say to you. Owning you like a BDSM master whipping his little gimp.
Today was a bit of a struggle if I'm honest. The motivational messages I've written on my wall to get up and out and not procrastinate are easily ignored. Ok, I've not been well but it's still so easy to sit in bad habits. So, I did a little 20 min Home work out and went for a 1 hour walk. It was something and whilst I haven't exactly setting the world on fire. Some kind of progress.
The point is today, its Ok not to feel amazing. So I haven't launched into the year like a rocket. I haven't got the level of success I see others on social media (the age old awful phenomenon of compare and despair) So I haven't yet become the ultra lean n clean healthy guru (I may never be) - but I did OK, I didn't catastrophise. I didn't fuck everything and run (F.E.A.R) I just did what you guys did today. Just got on with things.
It's not a 9/10 day but it's not a 1/10 write off. Perspective Nicholas, it's a good thing sometimes.
If you survived today you're a legend. If you are maintaining you're goals from Saturday night you are incredible and I salute you. If you've broken them already and feeling despondent then fuck that. Get back on it tomorrow or message me and i'll set you straight.
We are all warriors. We are all legends so I want you all to finish reading this and repeat to yourself, quietly or loudly if you want (especially if you're in a packed train carriage) -
"I'M a MASSIVE FUCKING LEGEND and I'M DOING OK"
Love you all very much
Nicholas Edward Evans
She stroked us and whispered beautiful nothings in our ear. She brought us tea in bed and made us scrambled egg and smoked salmon. She dived through the waves by moonlight and ran naked along a deserted beach. New Years danced provocatively to soulful Buddha beats and made us semi hard through our elasticated Xmas jogging bottoms. She made slow beautiful love to us and bought us kebab and chips after.
But then she changed. She turned up on the date after the cock teasing what's app messages of NYE 2017 She was Ok at first. On day 1 and 2, because it wasn't real. There was no work. We were still leaving the dream.
And then we went back to work. We had to face her. She turned 2017 into something horrific. She became the same as 2016. What a bitch!!!
All those aspirations of 2017 are hard to maintain when you are crushed on the 6.43am Jubilee Line, pressed up against a portly middle aged man trying to read his paper smashed into your face. The optimism of 2017 is hard to maintain When the kids wouldn't wake up or your husband leaves another militant skid-mark in the toilet. Not dancing by moonlight now are you 2017 you liar!!!!
Fantasising rather than actually doing it is so much more fun. Sure I'd like a great job, business, home, money, financial security, health, happy zestful life. But do I REALLY have to put the effort in to get it? Can't I just remain in that holiday loop dreaming and writing it down?
Successful people of course reject this way of thinking. The fun is in the action. Doing something with a purpose and energy means it doesn't feel like work. It is just what you do. That's the gold right there. The holy grail.
And what of today? The first day of the rest of your life? Except it was like the others. Did you do the same job? Follow the same path? Think the same way? Did you make any changes to normal? Did it follow the pattern as 2016?
Me? I 'worked from home'. A lethal challenge for an arch procrastinator and recovering 'alkie'. Why? Well because at any given time the 'black cloud' of fear & low self esteem can strike, Rendering any positive actions like wading through treacle. Then when you sprinkle a little 'overwhelmed as to which direction, what to do' into the mix - essentially crippling you into inertia.
These of course are ideal conditions to engage in full avoidance and procrastination. After all, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow/next week/month/year? Trouble is by avoiding it doesn't actually make the problem go away, it just hides it for a while and actually makes it grow until it reaches colossal proportions. Putting things off may feel comfortable but it's the worst thing you can do. The fear is winning then. "That's right my little fear ridden bitch. I've got you now" The fear will say to you. Owning you like a BDSM master whipping his little gimp.
Today was a bit of a struggle if I'm honest. The motivational messages I've written on my wall to get up and out and not procrastinate are easily ignored. Ok, I've not been well but it's still so easy to sit in bad habits. So, I did a little 20 min Home work out and went for a 1 hour walk. It was something and whilst I haven't exactly setting the world on fire. Some kind of progress.
The point is today, its Ok not to feel amazing. So I haven't launched into the year like a rocket. I haven't got the level of success I see others on social media (the age old awful phenomenon of compare and despair) So I haven't yet become the ultra lean n clean healthy guru (I may never be) - but I did OK, I didn't catastrophise. I didn't fuck everything and run (F.E.A.R) I just did what you guys did today. Just got on with things.
It's not a 9/10 day but it's not a 1/10 write off. Perspective Nicholas, it's a good thing sometimes.
If you survived today you're a legend. If you are maintaining you're goals from Saturday night you are incredible and I salute you. If you've broken them already and feeling despondent then fuck that. Get back on it tomorrow or message me and i'll set you straight.
We are all warriors. We are all legends so I want you all to finish reading this and repeat to yourself, quietly or loudly if you want (especially if you're in a packed train carriage) -
"I'M a MASSIVE FUCKING LEGEND and I'M DOING OK"
Love you all very much
Nicholas Edward Evans
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
How to Deal with the Flu Bug - A Handy Top Ten Tip Guide
It's January 4th. We're back at work and I'm 6 days into a heavy bout of flu. Times are hard, the head is gloomy and it's only 4 days into 2017.
"Will I ever get better? Will this sickness ever leave? Will I ever find energy and motivation to do anything? These are all questions those of us with flu will be asking ourselves.
"Will you ever get better? "Will you ever shut the fuck up? or "When will you stop moaning and die?" Are all questions loved ones or family members of flu victims will be asking themselves.
It's a tough time. Many of us have been struck down. However, don't worry. Help is at hand. I've written a handy top ten tip guide to surviving the dreaded flu bug. I hope you enjoy;
1 - Diagnose yourself - DO NOT seek medical attention. It's much better to diagnose yourself. That way it's bound to be flu. Better still, consult Google and you're bound to diagnose yourself with some form of rare cancer. Why put your mind at rest when you can spend over a week convinced you're dying? Self diagnosis is WAY more fun.
2 - Moan - Of course in the old days people rarely visited doctors or moaned, even if they genuinely had a rare form of cancer. Granted, life expectancy back then was around 14 years old but at least they didn't moan. However, times change, we live in a far more sanitised and pussy whipped generation now. So don't be frightened to moan like a girl and demand as much sympathy as possible from everyone. You may lose all dignity and respect from people but you will receive the required sympathy such mentally weak modern people such as myself require. PS - visit the doctor every two days until you are barred.
3 - Play the sympathy game smartly - Obviously battle hardened family members and friends will be wise to your pathetic ways. If they are not providing the necessary level of sympathy move to social media. It's perfect. People don't have to be arsed to actually do anything, god forbid visit you which requires effort. No, instead your tactics should concentrate on people's selfishness yet need to look publicly concerned. So focus on the middle aged, the gays, mother's or grandmothers and friends who also have the virus. You'll get fuck loads of sympathy on your feed and will wake up from your slumber to a new notification of yet another person making themselves feel better with a sympathy like and comment on your pathetic post.
4 - Wallow in self pity - Don't listen to all those bull-shitters about positive thinking and how 'there are many worse off than you". It's easy for them to say, they haven't been ill for 6 days and forced to watch 'Flog it' every day. Fuck that. Really lose perspective and imagine yourself worse off than anyone else in the world. By day 4 you should be nicely pitiful and best to wallow in it for at least a week. DO NOT do anything to disrupt this misery, like Charity work or speaking to do-gooders. Pure isolation are best conditions. 1-2 weeks like this should set you up nicely post illness to feel super grateful for your normal life.
5 - Isolate - As above. It's important to cut yourself off from the outside world. Try not to speak to anyone, or actually go out. The less contact with the outside world the better. That way you can truly go insane and convince yourself you are worse than you actually are. If you have contact with people they might convince you do things healthy for your flu. Don't. If you're going to have it you may as-well cash in. That way it will incentivise you to be more healthy so you don't get it back. Isolate for days so you feel imprisoned and alone. When you are on the verge of suicide, it's time to go out. Yiu are ready to get better.
6 - Feed the Flu - It's important to put the right things in your body to give it the best chance to recover. Obviously lots of water, fresh greens, fruit and healthy grub is important. But, really, who wants that when you're feeling like shit? Cooking is clearly out, so if you can't warm up soup, or whip up some boiled eggs and soldiers, just binge on biscuits, quality streets and mince pies left over from Xmas. This will pile on weight nicely and feed number 4 adding to the self pity and hatred. Don't forget to keep hydrated though. Hot toddies are a nice touch, though in my experience leave out the coffee or tea and just neck the brandy if things get too bad. For the recovering alcoholics out there, Lemsip Max is the new crack cocaine. The one with the caffeine in it. That shit is golden. Trouble is it keeps you up for about 4 days straight and makes you insane and feel worse and like killing yourself. Doesn't say that on the possible side effects. But at least you have energy.
7 - Keep Everyone Updated on Social Media - This is crucial. Obviously closely related to number's 2 and 3. It's very important to make sure EVERYONE knows you are poorly. Not just for sympathy but for heroic status when you actually do a day's work, shag your woman/man, or just stand up straight. Getting a huge amount of kudos or sympathy is massively important to the self centred pussy. Therefore detailing when the flu gets really bad, to when it gets a little better, and then worse again is important. As are the dramatic short statements when you've had enough. Use plenty of exclamation marks and keep messages short, punchy and matyr like. You don't want to appear sad and desperate for attention/love/affirmation (even though you are)
8 - Try to go into work - A classic card to play. Crawling in when half dead is guaranteed hero status. It means you can get at least 2 weeks off guilt free as they have seen the true horror of your condition. Plus they won't want you infecting everyone. I know it takes a herculean effort to go in when so ill, but trust me it will be so worth it in the long run. Those, who like me, work for yourself. Well, we have two choices. 1 - Soldier on, or 2 - Starve.
9 - Slip into a Deep Dark Depression - I know, I know, you'll be thinking. 'Surely that's a given." Well, you'll be surprised, some freaks riddled with flu retain a sunny sense of positivity and optimism. Fuck that. Those wankers obviously haven't had proper flu. Anyone with proper flu will know a deep dark well of blackness that fucks anything good in their life descends like a black cloud for the duration of the flu. No amount of Prozac, vodka, niceness or good news will penetrate this dark fog. It's important never to go near positive people at this time as you will most probably murder them. Avoid those who offer health advice during this fog. Murdering them will be the only cure to such depression.
10 - Do the opposite of the previous 9 tips and you'll get over it much quicker and man the fuck up. It's not like your dying or summat.
Love you all
Nicholas Edward Evans
Day 6 Flu Sufferer
"Will I ever get better? Will this sickness ever leave? Will I ever find energy and motivation to do anything? These are all questions those of us with flu will be asking ourselves.
"Will you ever get better? "Will you ever shut the fuck up? or "When will you stop moaning and die?" Are all questions loved ones or family members of flu victims will be asking themselves.
It's a tough time. Many of us have been struck down. However, don't worry. Help is at hand. I've written a handy top ten tip guide to surviving the dreaded flu bug. I hope you enjoy;
1 - Diagnose yourself - DO NOT seek medical attention. It's much better to diagnose yourself. That way it's bound to be flu. Better still, consult Google and you're bound to diagnose yourself with some form of rare cancer. Why put your mind at rest when you can spend over a week convinced you're dying? Self diagnosis is WAY more fun.
2 - Moan - Of course in the old days people rarely visited doctors or moaned, even if they genuinely had a rare form of cancer. Granted, life expectancy back then was around 14 years old but at least they didn't moan. However, times change, we live in a far more sanitised and pussy whipped generation now. So don't be frightened to moan like a girl and demand as much sympathy as possible from everyone. You may lose all dignity and respect from people but you will receive the required sympathy such mentally weak modern people such as myself require. PS - visit the doctor every two days until you are barred.
3 - Play the sympathy game smartly - Obviously battle hardened family members and friends will be wise to your pathetic ways. If they are not providing the necessary level of sympathy move to social media. It's perfect. People don't have to be arsed to actually do anything, god forbid visit you which requires effort. No, instead your tactics should concentrate on people's selfishness yet need to look publicly concerned. So focus on the middle aged, the gays, mother's or grandmothers and friends who also have the virus. You'll get fuck loads of sympathy on your feed and will wake up from your slumber to a new notification of yet another person making themselves feel better with a sympathy like and comment on your pathetic post.
4 - Wallow in self pity - Don't listen to all those bull-shitters about positive thinking and how 'there are many worse off than you". It's easy for them to say, they haven't been ill for 6 days and forced to watch 'Flog it' every day. Fuck that. Really lose perspective and imagine yourself worse off than anyone else in the world. By day 4 you should be nicely pitiful and best to wallow in it for at least a week. DO NOT do anything to disrupt this misery, like Charity work or speaking to do-gooders. Pure isolation are best conditions. 1-2 weeks like this should set you up nicely post illness to feel super grateful for your normal life.
5 - Isolate - As above. It's important to cut yourself off from the outside world. Try not to speak to anyone, or actually go out. The less contact with the outside world the better. That way you can truly go insane and convince yourself you are worse than you actually are. If you have contact with people they might convince you do things healthy for your flu. Don't. If you're going to have it you may as-well cash in. That way it will incentivise you to be more healthy so you don't get it back. Isolate for days so you feel imprisoned and alone. When you are on the verge of suicide, it's time to go out. Yiu are ready to get better.
6 - Feed the Flu - It's important to put the right things in your body to give it the best chance to recover. Obviously lots of water, fresh greens, fruit and healthy grub is important. But, really, who wants that when you're feeling like shit? Cooking is clearly out, so if you can't warm up soup, or whip up some boiled eggs and soldiers, just binge on biscuits, quality streets and mince pies left over from Xmas. This will pile on weight nicely and feed number 4 adding to the self pity and hatred. Don't forget to keep hydrated though. Hot toddies are a nice touch, though in my experience leave out the coffee or tea and just neck the brandy if things get too bad. For the recovering alcoholics out there, Lemsip Max is the new crack cocaine. The one with the caffeine in it. That shit is golden. Trouble is it keeps you up for about 4 days straight and makes you insane and feel worse and like killing yourself. Doesn't say that on the possible side effects. But at least you have energy.
7 - Keep Everyone Updated on Social Media - This is crucial. Obviously closely related to number's 2 and 3. It's very important to make sure EVERYONE knows you are poorly. Not just for sympathy but for heroic status when you actually do a day's work, shag your woman/man, or just stand up straight. Getting a huge amount of kudos or sympathy is massively important to the self centred pussy. Therefore detailing when the flu gets really bad, to when it gets a little better, and then worse again is important. As are the dramatic short statements when you've had enough. Use plenty of exclamation marks and keep messages short, punchy and matyr like. You don't want to appear sad and desperate for attention/love/affirmation (even though you are)
8 - Try to go into work - A classic card to play. Crawling in when half dead is guaranteed hero status. It means you can get at least 2 weeks off guilt free as they have seen the true horror of your condition. Plus they won't want you infecting everyone. I know it takes a herculean effort to go in when so ill, but trust me it will be so worth it in the long run. Those, who like me, work for yourself. Well, we have two choices. 1 - Soldier on, or 2 - Starve.
9 - Slip into a Deep Dark Depression - I know, I know, you'll be thinking. 'Surely that's a given." Well, you'll be surprised, some freaks riddled with flu retain a sunny sense of positivity and optimism. Fuck that. Those wankers obviously haven't had proper flu. Anyone with proper flu will know a deep dark well of blackness that fucks anything good in their life descends like a black cloud for the duration of the flu. No amount of Prozac, vodka, niceness or good news will penetrate this dark fog. It's important never to go near positive people at this time as you will most probably murder them. Avoid those who offer health advice during this fog. Murdering them will be the only cure to such depression.
10 - Do the opposite of the previous 9 tips and you'll get over it much quicker and man the fuck up. It's not like your dying or summat.
Love you all
Nicholas Edward Evans
Day 6 Flu Sufferer
Monday, January 2, 2017
The Nick Evans Motivational Top Ten Tips How to Have an Amazing 2017...
Happy 2017 everyone.
A New Year. A fresh start. A chance to set new goals and plan the next 12 months. Or lay on the sofa and slowly shit yourself at the thought of the return to normality tomorrow and put shit off for another year.
I'm not a big one for resolutions. It all seems a bit cosmetic. It's easy to write a 'wish list' of things to desire but the crucial bit is DOING it.
Does writing stuff down actually achieve anything? Here's the thing. Even if we sit on our arse for 365 days, stuff will happen because that's what life is. Perpetual movement of time, action and energy. The sun rises even if we sleep. The world will still turn. But how much does our attitude, our belief system and our actions affect our life?
How many people do you know complain about their job or relationship, that they are unlucky or are alone? It's no coincidence that people who complain the most seem to have the most bad luck. Do they have bad luck because they complain or do they complain because they have bad luck?
If I say 'I will NEVER' be able to give up smoking. Do you think I am just perpetuating that belief to keep me smoking even though I know its not serving me? Once I change my belief then the rest will follow.
How many of us today decided we want to join a gym, get fit, run a marathon, eat healthy, lose weight, change jobs, find a soul mate. Do these things happen by chance or does our attitude and life contribute?
January is a classic time to set out your objectives for the year. But Is it just me or does anyone else get a little daunted and overwhelmed? There is SO much information on New Year wish lists, fads, goals, retreats, exercise tips, lifestyle advice, health and wellness, stopping drinking, shaping up, getting the career you want. It's exhausting.
I actually get stressed wondering if my goals are good enough or beating myself up if I'm not really sure what they are specifically. FUCK!!!!! What do I Do?!!!! I even suffer anxiety that maybe I don't need any goals, that I'm Ok as I am. or am I just kidding myself? God it's SO stressful.
But the real question isn't WHAT do I want to do. It's HOW do I do it???!!
How the fuck do I change my life around? How do I lose this spare tyre that has built up from excessive shit eating? How do I get the job of my dreams? How do I get my soul mate? How do I get that life? How do I run a 3 hour marathon? Or, How do I decide what I actually bloody want?
So, to help you out with this Luckily I have Put together Top Ten Tip list to help you have an Amazing 2017. Here it is.
1 - Chill the fuck out. Do not stress yourself if you don't know what you want. You don't have to have a shopping list. Relax and take it easy
2 - Do stuff. The Ying to number 1's yang. Relax by all means and don't stress but you also have to do shit. Sitting on your lazy arse waiting for stuff to come to you is just a whole hunk of lazy arsed badness. I guarantee you'll be complaining in 12 months time if you take this attitude
3 - Be Bold But Realisitic - I'm all for setting incredible goals but make sure you start off with attainable ones. If you want to run a marathon for example, but haven't run since you nearly missed closing time at the offy last July, it's probably best you start with a 5 or 10k before building up. Aim big but keep those Dunlop green flash on the floor.
4 - Baby Steps DO count - Everyone thinks you need to have showy, incredible amazing goals. be a millionaire, launch a business, have an incredible life, run the world!! Lose 6 stone. Fuck that. Glory in the every day. Small victories count more than showy ones. By making tiny changes larger ones are born. Word up.
5 - Compare and Despair at your peril - There's nothing more guaranteed to bring you misery and demotivate you than comparing your goals and achievements with others on social media. Comparing yourself next to the high achieving lunatics on Facebook is guaranteed trouble. Instead go and hang out at the department of work and pensions every month. You'll feel like Donald Fucking Trump. Stick to your guns people. Own your own space. You're fine as you are.
6 - Keep it simple. No more needs to be said. We complicate shit far too much
7 - Laugh at yourself - How many coach's, fitness trainers, motivational speakers, self help gurus take themselves really seriously? Have you ever seen any laugh at themselves and promote having fun along the way. Since when did goal setting become SO serious? Don't forget to laugh at your own ridiculousness and have fun along the way.
8 - Don't beat yourself up - OK, so you may fall by the wayside? You may have bumps along the way. You may not even get what you set out to do. But fuck it. does it REALLY matter? Don't sweat and beat yourself up. It really doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things its what you learn on the journey than the result anyway
9 - Observe the scenery - Take in the views of the journey. That's where the gold is.
10 - Get Help! Employ The Nick Evans (TNE) as your motivational coach and pay him for his motivational services and insightful genius allowing his personality and deep knowledge of disfunction and sabotaging success to allow you to achieve yours. (or get a good PT, coach, trainer, counsellor, attend 12 step fellowship or whatever you need but get help along the way) Or just read my blogs, buy my book and watch my videos.
YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT (Whatever it is)
Have a good year
Love you all big
Nicholas Edward Evans
My head always follows my feet. I have to put in action then the rest of me follows. In AA there is a wonderful saying. "Have smart feet" - no-one ever thought themselves well and thus it is about having smart feet and letting them take me to my Family's or to a meeting where the head will eventually settle and change. The committee will quieten and I can get on with my life.
Oh PS, don't worry, I'm not a saint by the way. I still managed to be a grumpy bastard, say something to a dear friend that pissed them off, was rude, abrupt and really horrible to someone else and made someone cry. I mean I'm not a spiritual guru or saint here. And that's when I'm trying to be nice. Jesus can you imagine me on a bad day?!! Happy New Year!
I know what I'm up against here. My head. It's like a turning a tanker round at times. From negative to positive. It doesn't come naturally. The mind and head is a powerful tool. Mental health and mood is so closely related to lifestyle yet sometimes I just don't see it. The self sabotage in me is strong. The self will iron like. But today was a simple example of change being a positive action rather than a word or thought. It can start right now. This minute.
Putting the Quality Street down. Picking up the phone to ask how someone is doing. Walking instead of taking a lift. Going to see your Mum instead of lazing on the sofa. Whatever it is/ they make you feel better. Small daily positive steps all add up and I found that out today. Do the opposite of wat my tired bad head says and I'll be alright.
I'm looking forward to 2016. I have aspirations to turn 'The Inside Job' into something, change my life, become a coach/trainer, develop greater learning, do an Ironman in under 13 hours, stop eating buttered meat, get healthier and turn this blog into a great little brand and help others. I want to work with people in recovery. I want to help people lose weight, get healthier, achieve their goals, manage addictions. I'm not sure how or what yet but I'm up for the challenge.
So Who's in for the ride? It maybe bumpy at times but you know what - it will be well worth it I promise you of that.
Have a good year everyone
Nicholas E Evans.
A New Year. A fresh start. A chance to set new goals and plan the next 12 months. Or lay on the sofa and slowly shit yourself at the thought of the return to normality tomorrow and put shit off for another year.
I'm not a big one for resolutions. It all seems a bit cosmetic. It's easy to write a 'wish list' of things to desire but the crucial bit is DOING it.
Does writing stuff down actually achieve anything? Here's the thing. Even if we sit on our arse for 365 days, stuff will happen because that's what life is. Perpetual movement of time, action and energy. The sun rises even if we sleep. The world will still turn. But how much does our attitude, our belief system and our actions affect our life?
How many people do you know complain about their job or relationship, that they are unlucky or are alone? It's no coincidence that people who complain the most seem to have the most bad luck. Do they have bad luck because they complain or do they complain because they have bad luck?
If I say 'I will NEVER' be able to give up smoking. Do you think I am just perpetuating that belief to keep me smoking even though I know its not serving me? Once I change my belief then the rest will follow.
How many of us today decided we want to join a gym, get fit, run a marathon, eat healthy, lose weight, change jobs, find a soul mate. Do these things happen by chance or does our attitude and life contribute?
January is a classic time to set out your objectives for the year. But Is it just me or does anyone else get a little daunted and overwhelmed? There is SO much information on New Year wish lists, fads, goals, retreats, exercise tips, lifestyle advice, health and wellness, stopping drinking, shaping up, getting the career you want. It's exhausting.
I actually get stressed wondering if my goals are good enough or beating myself up if I'm not really sure what they are specifically. FUCK!!!!! What do I Do?!!!! I even suffer anxiety that maybe I don't need any goals, that I'm Ok as I am. or am I just kidding myself? God it's SO stressful.
But the real question isn't WHAT do I want to do. It's HOW do I do it???!!
How the fuck do I change my life around? How do I lose this spare tyre that has built up from excessive shit eating? How do I get the job of my dreams? How do I get my soul mate? How do I get that life? How do I run a 3 hour marathon? Or, How do I decide what I actually bloody want?
So, to help you out with this Luckily I have Put together Top Ten Tip list to help you have an Amazing 2017. Here it is.
1 - Chill the fuck out. Do not stress yourself if you don't know what you want. You don't have to have a shopping list. Relax and take it easy
2 - Do stuff. The Ying to number 1's yang. Relax by all means and don't stress but you also have to do shit. Sitting on your lazy arse waiting for stuff to come to you is just a whole hunk of lazy arsed badness. I guarantee you'll be complaining in 12 months time if you take this attitude
3 - Be Bold But Realisitic - I'm all for setting incredible goals but make sure you start off with attainable ones. If you want to run a marathon for example, but haven't run since you nearly missed closing time at the offy last July, it's probably best you start with a 5 or 10k before building up. Aim big but keep those Dunlop green flash on the floor.
4 - Baby Steps DO count - Everyone thinks you need to have showy, incredible amazing goals. be a millionaire, launch a business, have an incredible life, run the world!! Lose 6 stone. Fuck that. Glory in the every day. Small victories count more than showy ones. By making tiny changes larger ones are born. Word up.
5 - Compare and Despair at your peril - There's nothing more guaranteed to bring you misery and demotivate you than comparing your goals and achievements with others on social media. Comparing yourself next to the high achieving lunatics on Facebook is guaranteed trouble. Instead go and hang out at the department of work and pensions every month. You'll feel like Donald Fucking Trump. Stick to your guns people. Own your own space. You're fine as you are.
6 - Keep it simple. No more needs to be said. We complicate shit far too much
7 - Laugh at yourself - How many coach's, fitness trainers, motivational speakers, self help gurus take themselves really seriously? Have you ever seen any laugh at themselves and promote having fun along the way. Since when did goal setting become SO serious? Don't forget to laugh at your own ridiculousness and have fun along the way.
8 - Don't beat yourself up - OK, so you may fall by the wayside? You may have bumps along the way. You may not even get what you set out to do. But fuck it. does it REALLY matter? Don't sweat and beat yourself up. It really doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things its what you learn on the journey than the result anyway
9 - Observe the scenery - Take in the views of the journey. That's where the gold is.
10 - Get Help! Employ The Nick Evans (TNE) as your motivational coach and pay him for his motivational services and insightful genius allowing his personality and deep knowledge of disfunction and sabotaging success to allow you to achieve yours. (or get a good PT, coach, trainer, counsellor, attend 12 step fellowship or whatever you need but get help along the way) Or just read my blogs, buy my book and watch my videos.
YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT (Whatever it is)
Have a good year
Love you all big
Nicholas Edward Evans
My head always follows my feet. I have to put in action then the rest of me follows. In AA there is a wonderful saying. "Have smart feet" - no-one ever thought themselves well and thus it is about having smart feet and letting them take me to my Family's or to a meeting where the head will eventually settle and change. The committee will quieten and I can get on with my life.
Oh PS, don't worry, I'm not a saint by the way. I still managed to be a grumpy bastard, say something to a dear friend that pissed them off, was rude, abrupt and really horrible to someone else and made someone cry. I mean I'm not a spiritual guru or saint here. And that's when I'm trying to be nice. Jesus can you imagine me on a bad day?!! Happy New Year!
I know what I'm up against here. My head. It's like a turning a tanker round at times. From negative to positive. It doesn't come naturally. The mind and head is a powerful tool. Mental health and mood is so closely related to lifestyle yet sometimes I just don't see it. The self sabotage in me is strong. The self will iron like. But today was a simple example of change being a positive action rather than a word or thought. It can start right now. This minute.
Putting the Quality Street down. Picking up the phone to ask how someone is doing. Walking instead of taking a lift. Going to see your Mum instead of lazing on the sofa. Whatever it is/ they make you feel better. Small daily positive steps all add up and I found that out today. Do the opposite of wat my tired bad head says and I'll be alright.
I'm looking forward to 2016. I have aspirations to turn 'The Inside Job' into something, change my life, become a coach/trainer, develop greater learning, do an Ironman in under 13 hours, stop eating buttered meat, get healthier and turn this blog into a great little brand and help others. I want to work with people in recovery. I want to help people lose weight, get healthier, achieve their goals, manage addictions. I'm not sure how or what yet but I'm up for the challenge.
So Who's in for the ride? It maybe bumpy at times but you know what - it will be well worth it I promise you of that.
Have a good year everyone
Nicholas E Evans.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
New Years Eve 2016 and all that......
So here we are again folks. New Years Eve.
Jesus. I remember when the millennium was such a big deal. It's scary to think that was 17 years ago. I'm proper old now kids.
There's no doubting New Years Eve is massively over-rated. Pubs charge a fortune on the door, restaurants are packed and mundane parties are in abundance. False bonhomie is the drug of choice.
Many a time I have been stuck in a party I haven't wanted to be in, singing 'old lang syne' (badly) with people I didn't know who also couldn't remember the lyrics or what they meant.
Many give it a swerve. Staying in to watch on TV or go to bed before all the nonsense begins.
Others gather at houses to get wasted and eat yet more grub after the Xmas excess.
We are all different. I don't want appear a killjoy. I'm all for spending time with family or friends and seeing in the new year and also chilling alone and letting it pass. I'm not fussed either way.
It's much different from years ago where the night was seen as a good way to injest as much alcohol and drugs as possible, surfacing several days into the new year with a hangover that seemed to last a year.
My first sober new year in 2001 was truly horrific. I was 3 months sober, trying to hang on desperately to sobriety, in the grips of a full blown obsession with an ex-girlfriend (I didn't know what co-dependency was back then but fuck me do I now!) and running around London with a mate who was also in his early days of sobriety going to various meetings trying to keep away from the need to drink.
We ended up at an all night meeting in the East end, with a collection of old people dancing badly to some 60's hits. When the clock struck midnight, a dodgy piper in full kilt and garb walked in playing old lang syne. I looked at my mate. He looked at me. We shared each other's horror and thought. "Our life is officially over."
It was fucking horrific. I then spent the next 2 hours moaning to him that my ex-girlfriend hadn't texted me and created a scenario where she was out with a multi-millionaire having a great time, whilst I was stuck in Sadsville with no life or hope (she was in bed ill, on her own for the record)
My insane jealousy, alcoholic head and co-dependency was in full flight. But you know what. I didn't drink, we got home at 3am and I will never forget that first sober new year. It was the first of many. I'm glad to report they have improved over the years.
Some people are sad at this time of the year. Staying in alone wanting to be with others. Some are social creatures who love to be with people and enjoy the banter. Whatever you are, you are enough, you are Ok and you are a legend. DO NOT FORGET THAT!
So, what has your year been like? 2016 has been an odd one. We've lost some famous singers and artists. But does that REALLY affect us? It's not 2016 taking them it's the years of drug and alcohol use and the toll of fame and excess.
What has really disheartened me about George Michael, was a 53 year old man dying as a result of terrible addiction and a full denial of it from management, family and media. How the fuck can a 53 year old man die peacefully in his sleep. Why can't we have a proper open and honest society where addiction or alcoholism isn't seen as a negative or a dirty word but as a thing as normal as cancer? Why does it have to be hushed up or ignored?
The reaction to his death has been profound and interesting to say the least. His PR, management, press releases and family have asked to respect the privacy and not debate on such negatives if he was on drugs or how much they played a part in his death. HELLO?!!!
Was it not that denial of the truth that was part of the problem in the first place? The poor fucker was at the middle of it. Yes I know that the addict has to want to get well. Yes I know it has to come from within. Yes I know all of that. There is nothing you can do to stop them if the addict is hell bent on self destruction. But what you CAN do is accept it. What you CAN do is not deny it exists. What you CAN do is learn about addiction. What you CAN do is bring it out in the open as a problem no different from cancer.
It truly gets my goat that the ignorance and demonization of addiction continues, it seems celebrity deaths shine a light on such ignorance and denial further. GGGRRRRRRRRRR.
It may not save people from dying but it can certainly help family, friends, you and me be in a better position to help others help themselves if we know what we are dealing with. Surely it's time for a different dimension?
Anyway, rant over.
2016 for me was an odd year. Some good, some bad. I worked hard at a corporate job that was well paid, only to find at the end of the year corporate life isn't for me and I didn't enjoy it. That job passed and then the financial fear kicked in of course.
Another year passed without me achieving my dream. Purely because I've never really known or pinpointed what my dream is. If you don't know what it is how the hell can you shoot for it?
On the plus side, I have a little more money, I became a spin teacher, got a few more months sobriety under my belt, began writing again, met some wicked people and my life is better for it.
However on the negative side, the old habits of smoking, sweetener, diet coke, eating disorders, relationships, lack of focus, avoidance procrastination and fear based anxiety continued to haunt me. I began to realise they started to really affect my life at 44 in a way they didn't at 34.
I guess I've been like most of us. Go with the flow, get a job, get paid, do some enjoyable shit, do some less enjoyable shit, pay some bills, fuck around on Facebook, have family occasions and eat too many Quality Street at Christmas and then we arrive back here again. New Years Eve. Fuck!!
So, you know what? This year. 2017. I'm going to do some shit. I'm not going to say exactly what. But I will make 2017 a year of 'Into action'.
The blog will be written again, the book will form, I will make strides to become a motivational coach and my 'dreams' will be closer to reality than before.
I have spent so long in negativity. So many hours spent wasted. Time for a new way forward.
I'm not going to lie, I love a bit of procrastination and putting shit off until tomorrow. My bad habits aren't just habits but anchors to my living. They are not so easy to just stop. So I have to accept there will be a bit of that going on. But I make a commitment, right here and now that 2017 will see a year of action for The Nick Evans and it will look a whole lot different in 12 months time.
I hope you follow my journey. Because I am you. We are all in it together and if I can do shit, so can you. I believe in you. I just need to believe in me more!
I'm not going to suggest make resolutions. We have every day to do that. It won't harm you writing down some goals for 2017 though or planning things you'd like to achieve or do. It could be holidays, kids, marathons, fitness or health. Whatever they may be - let's just do them!
But lets do it holistically. So it becomes part of our life. As they say in AA, Easy does it but do it anyway.
The last thing i'll say for 2016. Something I've been thinking about over the past few days.
Why do I want to do things? If I smoke lots, drink tons of DC, eat badly at times, really screw my health up - is that not self sabotage? Many people who have kids or something big in their lives - change bad habits because of a higher purpose. Like a higher calling.
I was thinking for me, if I don't value enough in me as a reason to change and live a better life - what will be my higher purpose to do shit and change? To get on with things and stop waiting? To stop hiding behind fear and limiting self belief?
If my higher purpose isn't the best for myself then what? Get a child? Get a dog? I have seen people get these things thinking it will 'fix' them and it hasn't. I know that a purpose has to come from within. But I have witnessed two people do remarkable things this year for someone else because they had too. It was their higher purpose they would never have done for themselves. It was incredible to see. They would not have been able to do it on their own. But because they had a higher purpose it drove them through their fear and they did something they never thought they could and would do.
It showed me our limiting beliefs can be broken if we have a reason that drives us on. I've never really had one myself or known what it is.
And then it struck me. My higher purpose is you!! Yes YOU!!!
I love writing, I love doing blogs, I love speaking. I am desperate to turn it into something. Yet I have fallen silent for years because I haven't changed my habits. I haven't fixed myself. So I figured, I can't keep banging on about the same shit. So be quiet, shut up, concentrate on getting a job and crack on Nicholas. But I wasn't happy or satisfied.
Yes I am a massive show off. Arrogant, self seeking, attention seeking. Vulnerable, loud, full of issues, insane and slightly ridiculous. Who gives a fuck. We all are to some extent. And my moto for this year> To thine own self be true.
Well, you know what. I am not alone. I am part of the human race who struggle. Fuck me, we've seen some of the biggest names in the world die this year about the very thing I campaign about.
What is my reason for being? To normalise and de-stigmatise dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and 'issues'. I don't stand for just addiction. I stand for all mental health and things that contribute people to suffer. Abuse, eating disorders, sex problems, addiction, alcoholism, families of alcoholics, illness, relationship problems. I'm for ALL of them.
In my experience, people who are unable to speak out or communicate their suffering make it worse. That's almost as harmful as the problem itself.
So, if I am to stand by anything. If I am to be anything. I am for openness. I am for honesty. I am for authenticity. I am for full disclosure. I will write, blog, video, speak and yell about all of these this year in the search for answers, for recovery, for solutions and for a healthier happier place around them.
Because if I can. Anyone can. And I will not rest until that's the case.
Fuck denial
Fuck suppression
Fuck bullshit
We are all in it together and let's give 2017 a good fucking crack, regardless of where we are at
Love you all very much
The Nicholas Edward Evans
xx
Jesus. I remember when the millennium was such a big deal. It's scary to think that was 17 years ago. I'm proper old now kids.
There's no doubting New Years Eve is massively over-rated. Pubs charge a fortune on the door, restaurants are packed and mundane parties are in abundance. False bonhomie is the drug of choice.
Many a time I have been stuck in a party I haven't wanted to be in, singing 'old lang syne' (badly) with people I didn't know who also couldn't remember the lyrics or what they meant.
Many give it a swerve. Staying in to watch on TV or go to bed before all the nonsense begins.
Others gather at houses to get wasted and eat yet more grub after the Xmas excess.
We are all different. I don't want appear a killjoy. I'm all for spending time with family or friends and seeing in the new year and also chilling alone and letting it pass. I'm not fussed either way.
It's much different from years ago where the night was seen as a good way to injest as much alcohol and drugs as possible, surfacing several days into the new year with a hangover that seemed to last a year.
My first sober new year in 2001 was truly horrific. I was 3 months sober, trying to hang on desperately to sobriety, in the grips of a full blown obsession with an ex-girlfriend (I didn't know what co-dependency was back then but fuck me do I now!) and running around London with a mate who was also in his early days of sobriety going to various meetings trying to keep away from the need to drink.
We ended up at an all night meeting in the East end, with a collection of old people dancing badly to some 60's hits. When the clock struck midnight, a dodgy piper in full kilt and garb walked in playing old lang syne. I looked at my mate. He looked at me. We shared each other's horror and thought. "Our life is officially over."
It was fucking horrific. I then spent the next 2 hours moaning to him that my ex-girlfriend hadn't texted me and created a scenario where she was out with a multi-millionaire having a great time, whilst I was stuck in Sadsville with no life or hope (she was in bed ill, on her own for the record)
My insane jealousy, alcoholic head and co-dependency was in full flight. But you know what. I didn't drink, we got home at 3am and I will never forget that first sober new year. It was the first of many. I'm glad to report they have improved over the years.
Some people are sad at this time of the year. Staying in alone wanting to be with others. Some are social creatures who love to be with people and enjoy the banter. Whatever you are, you are enough, you are Ok and you are a legend. DO NOT FORGET THAT!
So, what has your year been like? 2016 has been an odd one. We've lost some famous singers and artists. But does that REALLY affect us? It's not 2016 taking them it's the years of drug and alcohol use and the toll of fame and excess.
What has really disheartened me about George Michael, was a 53 year old man dying as a result of terrible addiction and a full denial of it from management, family and media. How the fuck can a 53 year old man die peacefully in his sleep. Why can't we have a proper open and honest society where addiction or alcoholism isn't seen as a negative or a dirty word but as a thing as normal as cancer? Why does it have to be hushed up or ignored?
The reaction to his death has been profound and interesting to say the least. His PR, management, press releases and family have asked to respect the privacy and not debate on such negatives if he was on drugs or how much they played a part in his death. HELLO?!!!
Was it not that denial of the truth that was part of the problem in the first place? The poor fucker was at the middle of it. Yes I know that the addict has to want to get well. Yes I know it has to come from within. Yes I know all of that. There is nothing you can do to stop them if the addict is hell bent on self destruction. But what you CAN do is accept it. What you CAN do is not deny it exists. What you CAN do is learn about addiction. What you CAN do is bring it out in the open as a problem no different from cancer.
It truly gets my goat that the ignorance and demonization of addiction continues, it seems celebrity deaths shine a light on such ignorance and denial further. GGGRRRRRRRRRR.
It may not save people from dying but it can certainly help family, friends, you and me be in a better position to help others help themselves if we know what we are dealing with. Surely it's time for a different dimension?
Anyway, rant over.
2016 for me was an odd year. Some good, some bad. I worked hard at a corporate job that was well paid, only to find at the end of the year corporate life isn't for me and I didn't enjoy it. That job passed and then the financial fear kicked in of course.
Another year passed without me achieving my dream. Purely because I've never really known or pinpointed what my dream is. If you don't know what it is how the hell can you shoot for it?
On the plus side, I have a little more money, I became a spin teacher, got a few more months sobriety under my belt, began writing again, met some wicked people and my life is better for it.
However on the negative side, the old habits of smoking, sweetener, diet coke, eating disorders, relationships, lack of focus, avoidance procrastination and fear based anxiety continued to haunt me. I began to realise they started to really affect my life at 44 in a way they didn't at 34.
I guess I've been like most of us. Go with the flow, get a job, get paid, do some enjoyable shit, do some less enjoyable shit, pay some bills, fuck around on Facebook, have family occasions and eat too many Quality Street at Christmas and then we arrive back here again. New Years Eve. Fuck!!
So, you know what? This year. 2017. I'm going to do some shit. I'm not going to say exactly what. But I will make 2017 a year of 'Into action'.
The blog will be written again, the book will form, I will make strides to become a motivational coach and my 'dreams' will be closer to reality than before.
I have spent so long in negativity. So many hours spent wasted. Time for a new way forward.
I'm not going to lie, I love a bit of procrastination and putting shit off until tomorrow. My bad habits aren't just habits but anchors to my living. They are not so easy to just stop. So I have to accept there will be a bit of that going on. But I make a commitment, right here and now that 2017 will see a year of action for The Nick Evans and it will look a whole lot different in 12 months time.
I hope you follow my journey. Because I am you. We are all in it together and if I can do shit, so can you. I believe in you. I just need to believe in me more!
I'm not going to suggest make resolutions. We have every day to do that. It won't harm you writing down some goals for 2017 though or planning things you'd like to achieve or do. It could be holidays, kids, marathons, fitness or health. Whatever they may be - let's just do them!
But lets do it holistically. So it becomes part of our life. As they say in AA, Easy does it but do it anyway.
The last thing i'll say for 2016. Something I've been thinking about over the past few days.
Why do I want to do things? If I smoke lots, drink tons of DC, eat badly at times, really screw my health up - is that not self sabotage? Many people who have kids or something big in their lives - change bad habits because of a higher purpose. Like a higher calling.
I was thinking for me, if I don't value enough in me as a reason to change and live a better life - what will be my higher purpose to do shit and change? To get on with things and stop waiting? To stop hiding behind fear and limiting self belief?
If my higher purpose isn't the best for myself then what? Get a child? Get a dog? I have seen people get these things thinking it will 'fix' them and it hasn't. I know that a purpose has to come from within. But I have witnessed two people do remarkable things this year for someone else because they had too. It was their higher purpose they would never have done for themselves. It was incredible to see. They would not have been able to do it on their own. But because they had a higher purpose it drove them through their fear and they did something they never thought they could and would do.
It showed me our limiting beliefs can be broken if we have a reason that drives us on. I've never really had one myself or known what it is.
And then it struck me. My higher purpose is you!! Yes YOU!!!
I love writing, I love doing blogs, I love speaking. I am desperate to turn it into something. Yet I have fallen silent for years because I haven't changed my habits. I haven't fixed myself. So I figured, I can't keep banging on about the same shit. So be quiet, shut up, concentrate on getting a job and crack on Nicholas. But I wasn't happy or satisfied.
Yes I am a massive show off. Arrogant, self seeking, attention seeking. Vulnerable, loud, full of issues, insane and slightly ridiculous. Who gives a fuck. We all are to some extent. And my moto for this year> To thine own self be true.
Well, you know what. I am not alone. I am part of the human race who struggle. Fuck me, we've seen some of the biggest names in the world die this year about the very thing I campaign about.
What is my reason for being? To normalise and de-stigmatise dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and 'issues'. I don't stand for just addiction. I stand for all mental health and things that contribute people to suffer. Abuse, eating disorders, sex problems, addiction, alcoholism, families of alcoholics, illness, relationship problems. I'm for ALL of them.
In my experience, people who are unable to speak out or communicate their suffering make it worse. That's almost as harmful as the problem itself.
So, if I am to stand by anything. If I am to be anything. I am for openness. I am for honesty. I am for authenticity. I am for full disclosure. I will write, blog, video, speak and yell about all of these this year in the search for answers, for recovery, for solutions and for a healthier happier place around them.
Because if I can. Anyone can. And I will not rest until that's the case.
Fuck denial
Fuck suppression
Fuck bullshit
We are all in it together and let's give 2017 a good fucking crack, regardless of where we are at
Love you all very much
The Nicholas Edward Evans
xx
Thursday, December 29, 2016
The Return of Me Versus ManFlu
It's Official. I've got Man flu for the 3rd time in 6 weeks. Kill me now.
Experienced ManFluers will know the three main warning signs:
Firstly the tickly chest and cough. As a smoker I put it down to years of Silk Cut, but I knew something was lurking. I soldiered on over Christmas. Stoically eating everything in my path and helping others have a good time, but I knew I was a dead man walking.
Secondly, the sneezing and blocked nose. This began on Boxing Day. Again I can handle this. "It's just a cold." I kept telling myself. Like a boy whistling in the dark. I carried on exercising and doing shit. "I'm not going to let some poxy cold slow me down." became my Mantra. How foolish I was.
You cannot beat The Man Flu. He is cunning and patient and a real bastard. "Just you wait knob-head. I'll get you" He sneers.
And then, it hit me. The Third element of the holy trinity. The knockout blow. The count to ten punch. The true sign of ManFlu. The aching bones and energy zap. "NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please don't rob me of energy. Take my nose, take my throat, take anything just not my energy or my bones!!!" That's where the true misery kicks in.
He didn't do this at home. Oh no. He waited until I was out, in the middle of a packed central London before hitting me like a train. BOOM! What a cunt.
I slowed to crawling pace. Patience has never been my strong point, but when you add in huge crowds, people in the way, sub zero temperatures and an aching flu that makes you feel like death warmed up. The happy go lucky persona is replaced by Dr Death.
"Ah aren't the Christmas lights so pretty in Regent Street." is replaced with, "Fuck sake, it's too bright and hurts my eyes. Wankers."
"I wonder if I can get a bargain in the sales" is replaced with, "What a load of shit on sale. I hate shopping.Wankers"
And finally, "I love the West End, it's such a buzz at Christmas." is replaced with, "God The West End is a shithole and I hate everyone here."
It's amazing how in the blink of an eye, the man flu can rob you of all humanity, kindness, spirit and turn you into Hitler within minutes.
The wonder of the world is replaced with a self centred, self piteous whine that only fighting the masses will satisfy. If only you had the energy.
Instead, you have to contend with battling your way home to immediately post on social media that you are ill again and spend the next few days forlornly checking for likes and sympathy attention from friends who have no sympathy at all.
You attempt humour but the veneer of hatred is too much and you give in to re-runs of Harry Potter Movies and old Only Fools and Horses on UK TV Gold. Various updates become hollow and you become sick of yourself, let alone others. Then it really is time to suffer alone, in private. That's when the true horror of man flu begins.
It's the 3rd time in 6 weeks this little fucker is back. I doubt he ever really left. Sticking to me like some kind of Genetically modified super bug. Or a distant relative over-staying their welcome at Christmas.
You all know you hate each other, but there is no getting away from the fact they are a wanker and you're stuck with them for a week or so. Try getting rid of them for a week or two and then seeing them come back. That is truly disheartening.
So, I sit here at 5.41am. I can't sleep. I have no energy to go for a walk or exercise. Smoking hurts my chest. I can't boat tons of diet coke as I need water and I have nothing in me to even contemplate energetic sexual adventure (my get out clause for fun and excitement.) - So thank you Man Flu, you've pretty much robbed me of my entire life.
What else is there?
As a recovering alcoholic I am prone to bouts of melo-drama and over sensitivity. So a third bout of ManFlu is obviously is a disaster. All I see are days of empty vacuous suicidal nothingness ahead. Like Nomania on steroids. It's grim folks. Truly dark.
In addition I like to diagnose myself too. Dr Evans only needs to Google his symptoms before settling on a rare form of Lukemia and blood cancer with chronic fatigue syndrome too. Who needs doctors when you have Google.
Of course, none of this is reality. But why let the facts get in the way of a good self indulgent wallow in misery? It is after-all, the devine right and pleasure of the addict/alcoholic to wallow in it like a messy bog. Especially at 5 in the morning. Fuck me, that's the perfect time. Insomniacs and people with mental illness will concur.
The small hours cling to you like a suffocating cloak. Enveloping you. The minutes tick by at half pace playing with your mind. Everything seems worse. If ManFlu is added to the mix, (where everything is becomes bible black), what you get is a big old pot of shit black stew. And nobody likes to eat that.
So, what's the answer? How can you ride it out?
Well, perspective helps. There's plenty of people homeless this morning waking up (if they are lucky) frozen solid. There are plenty of people displaced in the world. There are plenty of people disadvantaged. Doing Crisis showed me that. I am very fortunate.
There are people in loveless marriages, or alone and unhappy or estranged from loved ones. There are people grieving lost family members or celebrities they didn't know. There are angry knobheads shouting at people for no reason or the just plan stupid. There are people unhappy and struggling
So many worse off than me.
I am lucky.
I had a Christmas.
I received presents
The Man Flu will go. (I hope)
And I will get through this.
Perspective Nicholas. Perspective!
That's obviously the logical public thing to thing and say. But when you are on the wrong end of 3 hours kip, can't breathe, bones are aching like you've been in a car smash (and I have, so I know how it feels) and blinking is hard let alone moving, NONE of that matters.
Fuck Syria
Fuck the homeless
Fuck those less fortunate than me
Fuck everything
Fuck everyone
I don't feel well and I want some fucking sympathy. (but not too much as that will be annoying)
Fuck you ManFlu. You can bugger off now
PS - I've decided to write again in 2017. I like it and so do others apparently.
Nicholas Edward Evans
Experienced ManFluers will know the three main warning signs:
Firstly the tickly chest and cough. As a smoker I put it down to years of Silk Cut, but I knew something was lurking. I soldiered on over Christmas. Stoically eating everything in my path and helping others have a good time, but I knew I was a dead man walking.
Secondly, the sneezing and blocked nose. This began on Boxing Day. Again I can handle this. "It's just a cold." I kept telling myself. Like a boy whistling in the dark. I carried on exercising and doing shit. "I'm not going to let some poxy cold slow me down." became my Mantra. How foolish I was.
You cannot beat The Man Flu. He is cunning and patient and a real bastard. "Just you wait knob-head. I'll get you" He sneers.
And then, it hit me. The Third element of the holy trinity. The knockout blow. The count to ten punch. The true sign of ManFlu. The aching bones and energy zap. "NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please don't rob me of energy. Take my nose, take my throat, take anything just not my energy or my bones!!!" That's where the true misery kicks in.
He didn't do this at home. Oh no. He waited until I was out, in the middle of a packed central London before hitting me like a train. BOOM! What a cunt.
I slowed to crawling pace. Patience has never been my strong point, but when you add in huge crowds, people in the way, sub zero temperatures and an aching flu that makes you feel like death warmed up. The happy go lucky persona is replaced by Dr Death.
"Ah aren't the Christmas lights so pretty in Regent Street." is replaced with, "Fuck sake, it's too bright and hurts my eyes. Wankers."
"I wonder if I can get a bargain in the sales" is replaced with, "What a load of shit on sale. I hate shopping.Wankers"
And finally, "I love the West End, it's such a buzz at Christmas." is replaced with, "God The West End is a shithole and I hate everyone here."
It's amazing how in the blink of an eye, the man flu can rob you of all humanity, kindness, spirit and turn you into Hitler within minutes.
The wonder of the world is replaced with a self centred, self piteous whine that only fighting the masses will satisfy. If only you had the energy.
Instead, you have to contend with battling your way home to immediately post on social media that you are ill again and spend the next few days forlornly checking for likes and sympathy attention from friends who have no sympathy at all.
You attempt humour but the veneer of hatred is too much and you give in to re-runs of Harry Potter Movies and old Only Fools and Horses on UK TV Gold. Various updates become hollow and you become sick of yourself, let alone others. Then it really is time to suffer alone, in private. That's when the true horror of man flu begins.
It's the 3rd time in 6 weeks this little fucker is back. I doubt he ever really left. Sticking to me like some kind of Genetically modified super bug. Or a distant relative over-staying their welcome at Christmas.
You all know you hate each other, but there is no getting away from the fact they are a wanker and you're stuck with them for a week or so. Try getting rid of them for a week or two and then seeing them come back. That is truly disheartening.
So, I sit here at 5.41am. I can't sleep. I have no energy to go for a walk or exercise. Smoking hurts my chest. I can't boat tons of diet coke as I need water and I have nothing in me to even contemplate energetic sexual adventure (my get out clause for fun and excitement.) - So thank you Man Flu, you've pretty much robbed me of my entire life.
What else is there?
As a recovering alcoholic I am prone to bouts of melo-drama and over sensitivity. So a third bout of ManFlu is obviously is a disaster. All I see are days of empty vacuous suicidal nothingness ahead. Like Nomania on steroids. It's grim folks. Truly dark.
In addition I like to diagnose myself too. Dr Evans only needs to Google his symptoms before settling on a rare form of Lukemia and blood cancer with chronic fatigue syndrome too. Who needs doctors when you have Google.
Of course, none of this is reality. But why let the facts get in the way of a good self indulgent wallow in misery? It is after-all, the devine right and pleasure of the addict/alcoholic to wallow in it like a messy bog. Especially at 5 in the morning. Fuck me, that's the perfect time. Insomniacs and people with mental illness will concur.
The small hours cling to you like a suffocating cloak. Enveloping you. The minutes tick by at half pace playing with your mind. Everything seems worse. If ManFlu is added to the mix, (where everything is becomes bible black), what you get is a big old pot of shit black stew. And nobody likes to eat that.
So, what's the answer? How can you ride it out?
Well, perspective helps. There's plenty of people homeless this morning waking up (if they are lucky) frozen solid. There are plenty of people displaced in the world. There are plenty of people disadvantaged. Doing Crisis showed me that. I am very fortunate.
There are people in loveless marriages, or alone and unhappy or estranged from loved ones. There are people grieving lost family members or celebrities they didn't know. There are angry knobheads shouting at people for no reason or the just plan stupid. There are people unhappy and struggling
So many worse off than me.
I am lucky.
I had a Christmas.
I received presents
The Man Flu will go. (I hope)
And I will get through this.
Perspective Nicholas. Perspective!
That's obviously the logical public thing to thing and say. But when you are on the wrong end of 3 hours kip, can't breathe, bones are aching like you've been in a car smash (and I have, so I know how it feels) and blinking is hard let alone moving, NONE of that matters.
Fuck Syria
Fuck the homeless
Fuck those less fortunate than me
Fuck everything
Fuck everyone
I don't feel well and I want some fucking sympathy. (but not too much as that will be annoying)
Fuck you ManFlu. You can bugger off now
PS - I've decided to write again in 2017. I like it and so do others apparently.
Nicholas Edward Evans
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