7pm Sunday night. Awful isn't it?
Remember as a kid? You had to have a bath, eat dinner, do your homework and shudder at the week ahead at school? The only thing on TV was Songs of Praise or Heartbeat? You prayed for Spitting Image at 10pm then it really was suicide 30 mins later. The end of the weekend. Fuck!
Or in adulthood, it's that back to work tomorrow feeling. Especially if you have a job you don't like. Sunday night is like a slow death march. No amount of dodgy period dramas or reality TV can mask the dreaded onslaught of a new working week.
It's even worse if you take a glimpse at social media feeds of the fitness coaches and lifestyle gurus who are busy 'prepping' their meals for the week ahead ('like a boss' - yuk). Like they've some form of military check list they're going through ready to pounce up and 'ave' the week ahead at 5am tomorrow. Wankers!
Those fuckers are so motivated, prepared, planned and ready to take on the world it makes you feel sick. As you doze off your mammoth lunch and mentally run through your underwhelming week ahead, they have already cooked Thursday's mid afternoon snack and are busy finding a window on Friday AM for a power meeting about a new boot camp or Hashtag craze. Cunts.
Some of us are more content with a simple plan;
Monday - wake up, drink coffee. Wait for Friday to come. Keep breathing.
Don't think I'm bastardising plans by the way. I'm not. I may joke or seem like I hate on the entire self help and fitness industry. After-all it's much easier to do that and criticise and stay safely in low motivation unhealthy ways than embrace new ones. Pre-planning is good. Having an idea of what you want to do, helpful.
Which brings me to this week. Week 2 of 2017. Traditionally a much harder week than week 1. Week 1 is like virgin snow. All prestine and fresh. But week 2 the fresh snow is piss stained and turning to mush. Much harder to motivate yourself then isn't it?
So how can you wade through this piss stained snow in week 2?
How has your start to 2017 been? Have you given it a fair stab? Carried on as if nothing has happened and as normal? Tried to change things up or work towards a goal?
If like me, you've been poorly (Did I tell you I've had the man flu for over a week now? - I know you're bored of hearing about it) Week 1 would have been a total write off.
Well, there is only one thing for it. Forget about it. It's gone It's passed. We can't get the time back. In fact, fuck it. Leave it go. Let's change our attitude about 2017 and last week shall we?
Week 2 is where it's at. Let's start again. Fuck week 1. Everyone knows it's a piece of shit. Like an unwanted guest. A creepy neighbour you have to invite to the party to keep the peace. The green one in Quality Street. Week 1 is a wanker and everyone knows it. Fuck him. (week 1 is a he, I've decided)
Week 2 on the other hand. What a legend. He's magnificent. Great big bouffant hair, resplendent attire, deep voice, packing double figures in his pants. Week 2 pisses all over week 1. Cuckolding week 1's missus. Week 2 delivers multiple orgasms in his sleep whilst week 1 forlornly tries to raise his flaccid cock. Fuck week 1 he is history. Week 2 is taking over now boys and girls, so let's climb on the coiffered train.
Who's with me? Who's with week 2? As we bound along in his open top sports car, driving gloves clasping the wheel, with his beautifully trimmed moustache and cravat flapping in the breeze. Let us laugh and sing and dance to week 2's soundtrack (obviously Chris Rea and ACDC) and fucking do this 2017 thing. (Again) - Bring on week 2 and I will not take No for answer. Hurrah!
Nicholas Edward Evans
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