DAY 122 - Wed 2nd May - The Female Form

Morning all.

Middle of the week and feeling refreshed after a massive 5 hours sleep. I tell you Getting up was harder than Heather Mills' left leg.

Today was a little dull, I'm afraid i didn't get to the bottom of the great bar bill mystery. There were no excel spreadsheets to whack off over and the world of stationary was exceptionally quiet.

I was tired. Making me ratty, short tempered, impatient and irritable. No-one ever died of tiredness is the saying. Well the person infront of me in Sainsburys nearly did in the 5 items or less aisle. They had 8 items and paid individually with a Diners Card. I managed to hold it together, concentrating on getting as many mint himbugs down my neck as possible. Though thoughts of strangling them with extra long spaghetti did cross my mind.

The other side effect of tiredness is a massive sugar craving. It's so strong that no amount of butter mints, maltesers, minstrels, breakaways and garibaldis will quell it. I would literally lick sugar from a dogs arse if i had to. Luckily today it wasn't needed so i settled for M&S mint humbugs. My nan would have been proud. The term 'do you want a mint in your mouth' would have been apt, though a packet and a half more my style. After all why settle for 1 when you can have fuck loads, not that i have an addictive personality of course.

Speaking of my Nan, news from Brymoor Road. A classic welsh day took place. Tea, Kit Kats, Victoria Sponge, World Championship Snooker and documentary of Wills and Kate. Sounds like a perfect one to me. She is hanging in there, though reports of Terry Griffiths, or 'Terry', making an offical Llanelli State visit are as yet unconfirmed.

One thing did please me at work though, a couple of the boys read my blog and agreed about having a crush on Anna Ryder Richardson, especially when she was on 'Changing Rooms' . Thank god, I'm not alone! Though i couldn't find anyone else who shared the same fascination with the Two Fat Ladies kneeding meat with perfectly manicured nails. Looks like i'm on my own on that one.

It made me think about the female form and how i view females. I have been mostly been brought up by my mother. I am clearly influenced by females. My mother pretended i was a girl for the 1st two days of my life for Christ sake! Maybe thats where my shoe fetish comes from.

I am fascinated by women, their make up, their fashion, their grooming and rituals. I think it's fab. Almost meditative watching them get ready (apart from when i'm ready to go, then it's just annoying) 

Yet there is also part of me that is old school neanderthal. A 70's style Sid the sexist who sees women as objects. Yes most males fall into the, 'she's fit and she isn't' catergory, particualry when they are together trying to out Alpha each other. However i've never been one of those. Some beautiful women are wonderful but have little spark and attitude, so therefore they are unsexy. FHM voted Tuilsa the most desirable woman of 2011 for instance. But she's just the same as all the other wannabees on TV. Real? Interesting? Sexy? Nah, bring on the The Two Fat Ladies.

I like all kinds of women, big, small, tall, small, thin, big, blonde, dark, english, italian, Czech, whatever. What matters more is a spark, an attitude, a pair of heels, boots, a certain way of dress, how the hair is done, jewelry. It can be anything, for me it's in attitude and style rather than traditional looks. That flies in the face of most Media messages. Women must be thin,made up and look perfect. Well is that real? I remember at school when all the boys were looking at Stephanie Tegg saying 'whoa she's fit', i was looking beyond her at Nicola Cox, thinking 'love her knee high boots'. But i could never admit, Male pride you see.

That is what's happening on a mass Media scale. It makes me think about my attitude. I mean, despite my best intentions i'm as guilty as the next person of making immediate judgements based on appearances. I remember sitting through endless hours of Blind Date when i was a kid with my Mum and Nan criticising what women were wearing or looking, so i'm not going to cover myself in glory here, as i'm no Saint and sometimes i'm well out of order. But unlike, some of the female feminists, at least i recongise my weakness.

So when i saw the cover of the Daily Mail (i know i'm ashamed) this morning and saw pictures of Kate Bush accepting an award for her new album, i'm ashamed to admit i didn't think, "good for her, what a great female recording artist and it's so refreshing to see a female who is a proper musician and artist bring back real talent and material to music business".

No, my immediate reaction was, "fuck me she's let herself go? She looks like Peter Sutcliffe meets Pavarotti"

So i'm as guilty of the death by media appearance. I'm a complete hypocrite and schizophrenic.Part of me thinks look the way you want, be comfortable in how you look. Women specifically shouldn't need to feel the need to look a certain way, never be a slave to image and looks as it is shallow and restrictive and at the end of the day it really is just an overcoat to our souls. It is the inside that counts.

But other parts of me loves athletic toned fit looking bodies. Part of me loves a woman in high heels and how it makes their calves and legs look. Part of me loves women in figure hugging clothes no matter what shape they are. A celebration of the female form. Part of me thinks women should always be made up and looking feminine. But that is part of my conundrum.

So with that, i found this following post on Facebook that effectively took a sledge hammer to my thoughts and made me totally look at things in another way. All i could think was Wow, i really am a stupid neanderthal man fiddling around in the dark. Here it is. It's superb;

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was... "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Basically shut the fuck up Nick and listen. Respect to that woman

I had no idea that in that post i was going to end up talking about my attitude and media's attitude to women. I have no idea where that came from. I hope it shows that men are capable of change and seeing beyond the image and having a more rounded and grown up respectful view of women.

You can rest assured readers that i certainly will not be going to bed tonight and cracking one off to Kate Bush.

xx