The Secret to a Happy Long Term Relationship

I'm a late starter. So before I lay claim to knowing the secret to having a happy long term relationship, let me just put in a disclaimer.

I am 43, I have never been married, I have no children and have pretty much avoided settling down and committing to a long term relationship or marriage most of my adult life. But why let small details like that get in the way of passing on some killer tips?!

I have been in love of course, only around 35 times, but I've also had 4 long term relationships, however these seemed to end around the 3 year mark. Why? Well, a host of reasons. Fear of commitment, abandonment issues as a child, coming from an alcoholic home, seeing parents split up when young, becoming a fully blown sex and love addict or just hidden fear. Perhaps I haven't been ready, or met the right woman at the right time, or maybe I just haven't wanted it.

Whatever the reasons I admit, I'm not exactly coming from a position of strength here when it comes to passing on expert tips and guidance as to what makes a happy long term relationship.

So, I basically get all my life lessons from my 25 year old neice. She is much wiser and more grown up than me. She's married over a year, has a two 2 week old baby, a lovely little flat in SE London, a deep faith in God and a strong family unit. All the things I have shied away from instwad seeking a life of pure self centred pleasurable hedonistic fun.

Spending time with her and her little daughter (My Great Neice) recently has been fun and enlightening. Yesterday we stumbled upon the secret to a happy long term relationship and it's not what you think it would be. I had to share it with you.

She has a beautiful porcelain sculpted soap dispenser. It is white and shiny with silver trimming. As far as soap dispensers go it is in the Premier League. We're talking £40-50 here. None of this 'Everything Under £1 shit. It's proper quality.

However, hubby likes to have the soap dispenser on the sink by the taps for maximum ease. Most men will wholeheartedly agree with this set up. The trouble is the sink has trim around the bowl which makes the surface uneven. This causes the soap dispenser to fall into the sink. It refuses to stay upright for longer than 10 minutes.

Therefore wifey kept putting the dispenser on the ledge well above the sink. Safe and secure. The trouble was hubby complained that it was too far away from the tap and 'just not the way it should be'. Every man wants to have minimal effort at any time and will all agree that soap needs to be by the tap. You don't want to be fucking around trying to place soap on your hands 10metres above sink level when washing your hands. It can cause men to have a melt down.

The couple debated this for weeks. Back and forth the argument went. Sometimes wifey would go into the bathroom to find it precariously placed on the sink. Then hubby would go in to see it stand proud and secure on the ledge. Stalemate.

Then one day, hubby came back with a large plastic hand soap dispenser. 99p from Poundland. He placed it on the sink and returned the beautiful porcelain holder back on the ledge. Both were happy. Both got what they want. OK granted the 99p thing was horrific but they both did their job.

After hearing this story I visited the bathroom to inspect both said items and agreed with the hubby that a man had to have soap by the tap, but I was forced to concede the porcelain dispenser was indeed beautiful and looked good on the ledge, however this was not practical for a man. It's not too bad for a woman because they are used to fucking around for hours in the bathroom. Men will only spend considerable time on the toilet. The shitter is his sanctuary where he does most of his thinking time, so hand washing needs to be done as quickly as possible.

The moral of the tale and clearly the secret to a happy long term relationship is 2 soap dispensers. Compromise and solution. Both parties need to be happy in order to flourish and grow.

There is no point in one partner putting up with something only to harbour a secret resentment. Both need to have their thing within a union for it to prosper and grow. Whether it be soap dispensers or anything else.

I know of course in time the 99p thing will go and wifey will have her way. People who have been married 10 years + will be nodding their head to this. Husbands will laugh at newlywed men getting equal billing. 'You just wait my son', you can hear them mutter, 'if you want a quiet life you'll give in.'

I'm picking up so many useful tips for when I finally get hitched. It's so useful. I cant wait for the battle of the bathroom!

The final word comes from a couple who have been married for over 50 years. 30 of it has been spent living on a boat without one argument. When interviewed they were asked, "what is the secret for being together so long and getting on so well?" The husband cut in and relied. "It's simple. I can answer that in two words." "What are they?" Asked the interviewer. "Yes dear" replied the husband and they both started laughing.

Wise words indeed and apparently they had two soap dispensers.

Love and peace

Nicholas Edward Evans